Before I dive into this topic, I need to give a disclaimer…
Bedtime is not perfect here, and every time I add a new little person to the mix, it changes things.
Okay, now that we have that out of the way…
Bedtime is often a difficult part of the parenting day. We’ve been busy all day long, and we just want them to go to sleep so we can take a break. Some children really like their sleep, and bedtime is rarely a struggle, but then you have kiddos like my Creed (age 3) who NEVER wants to go to sleep…EVER. For 3 years, we’ve been struggling through bedtime with him. So, hear me when I say, creating a bedtime routine will not solve all your problems, but it will make the evening predictable…and predictable is good.
Let me give you a little background on bedtime around here. I have bigs, middles, and littles. The baby sleeps in the girls room, and goes to bed at 8pm. The 3 little boys (ages 3, 5, 7) also go to bed at 8pm in the boys’ room (all 5 of the boys sleep in this room as it is the largest one in the house). Often, putting them to bed resembles putting a lid on a can of worms…loud, fussy, constantly trying-to-get-out worms.
Because I have so many different ages in the house, I decided I needed an evening routine that was super simple. I also needed to address all of the “excuses” the little boys managed to come up when trying to get out of bed – namely needing a drink and needing to go to the bathroom.
This is still a work in progress, but here’s the summary of what I “want” our evenings to look like…
All electronic devices off by 7:15 pm. (screens are a stimulant and can contribute to wakefulness)
Little ones changed and teeth brushed. (each of the littles have a tooth brushing partner)
Slow down time. (they can listen to audios, read, or play quietly – eventually, I plan to have our family worship time back in this time slot)
Drinks and bathroom time. (small drink!)
Prayers and bed. (if they had a good night before, they get to have one of the girls tell them a story as they lie in bed)
Now, here’s the part that handles the crazy 3 year old who never wants to go to bed…
Someone patrols the hall to keep the peace.
Yep, that’s right…one of us has to patrol the hall to make sure no one escapes or makes too much noise. We’ve never had to do this before, but with this little guy, he’d be up until midnight if we didn’t. And yes, we all wish these boys would just go to bed without all the extra-ness, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
So, how do you create your own evening routine that creates some predictability and order to what can easily become chaos? You keep it super simple and address your biggest trouble spots!
- Set a time for bed and work backward.
- Remove as many distractions as you can.
- Consider the trouble areas, and look for solutions that put you ahead of the game.
- Stay consistent, knowing this all takes time…lots of time.
For us, 8 pm was a good time for the littles to go to bed. I knew I did not want a long, drawn out bedtime, so I gave myself 45 minutes start to finish. I wanted the screens to be off in time to settle their little brains. Sometimes we don’t get this accomplished, and there is a definite difference. Our trouble areas were excuses to get out of bed, so I made those excuses part of the bedtime routine. I also put the safeguard of a hall patrol in place so that we could nip problems in the bud. We have been doing this same routine for a long time…and we still have to patrol, we still have to shush the worms, and we still have to force the 3 year old into bed nearly every night because he hates to stop moving. But, we just keep doing it. It doesn’t work perfectly, but it does work. That’s what you need to remember. Nothing is perfect, including your children. Including you. You can implement systems that help, but remember the human factor in all of this, and never forget to implement enough grace and mercy to cover everyone involved.
So, what does your child’s evening routine look like? Where do you need help? What has been the biggest struggle? Raising Arrows readers love to comment and help others, so share away!
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Tania says
If they go to bed at 8, do they sleep until 8? I’d love for my toddler and 3 year old to go to bed at 8, but when they do then they wake up early and are tired! So we have to put them in bed by 7:15 to ensure a good nights sleep. It’s hard when Dad gets home from work around 6 most nights.
Amy says
Yes, they do sleep until 8 am.
Kristine says
I’m tucking the hallway patrol idea away if ever needed! We have never had major bedtime issues really but something tells me that in less than a year when our 6th little blessing is more than likely out of the crib, which he has climbed out of already a couple times at 15 months, we will need a hallway patrol. He never sits still!!!!!!!!!
Jessica says
Hi amy, im a longtime reader i dont comment much, but i enjoy what you have to say and can relate well. We are expecting number eight and i love to watch your family grow at the same time. I have a 3 year old as well, he is wild as ever and doesnt stop all day but go’s to bed so nicely and i think its because he doesnt nap anymore , because i cant get him to slow down. I rock a little one while two others are falling asleep, does your 3 year old nap? Or nap for too long maybe if he gave that up he would sleep better, but some little people need a nap, or maybe put him in a quieter room to go to sleep alone and transfer him back to his bed when hes asleep, just some ideas was thinking of as i read. Thankyou for finding time to post encouraging thoughts and build up moms in the Lord. God bless your family.
Amy says
He does not nap because when he does, he is up entirely too late. Honestly, I think it’s his personality!
Stephanie says
Lol. We probably have the most ridiculous bedtime routine. Each night is a bit different because my husband and I both work day shift and evening shifts so sometimes we’re both home and sometimes only one of us is home. My 3 year old has always been hard to put down. He just wants mommy to hold him. For a long time we’ve sat in the chair in his room til he falls asleep. My 1 year old usually falls asleep nursing or being held but if too squirmy she will fuss herself out laying in her crib. They share a room so we put her down first sometime between 730 and 830. If only one of us ishome the 3year old watches TV while she goes down. I then get him and hold him in their room for a while then tell him time to lay down. Then i sit in the chair til he’s asleep. And sometimes I lay him in our bed and we go to sleep. Daddy moves him when he gets home from work to his own bed. If we are both home I sometimes do this too so hubby can get some stuff done But often my husband plays music for him in our room til he’s asleep. Sometimes we move him right away or let him sleep in our bed til we go to bed. Working a lot of evenings means we are usually up late even if the kids are up early.
kaci says
I love the no electronics at 7 we do ours at 8 but since we moved my kids seem to get up earlier and are cranky. I’m thinking of moving bed time up to 8 instead of 9. Do you have any bed wetters? My kids always ask for a drink and I have a hard time letting the bed wetter get a drink.
Amy says
The only bed wetter is in a night diaper, and it has to be a very small drink. 😉
Yemi Brown says
Hi Amy, I have been a long time subscriber of your blog. I just wanted to know, how does bedtime work for the middles and older children? That is the age range I have and we are still fine-tuning. Any suggestions for dealing with the super grouchy teen in the morning.
Amy says
We are fairly late risers, so my times may not work for you, but adjust accordingly…
My middles go to bed at 10. My 15 year old at 11. My 18 year old is on his own time table AS LONG AS he’s NOT grumpy in the morning. In fact, that goes for all. IF they are grumpy, then I move up their bedtime. However, I will say that some people just are not morning people. They still need to find a way to COPE without biting heads off, but I don’t expect anyone to be super chipper because I understand what it is like to need time to fully wake up. We take it really slow in the mornings and usually don’t start school until about 10 or so. This is for mama as much as for the kiddos. 😉
Dana says
Thank you so much for sharing your life. I have been very encouraged by your posts. I have a quick question….does 16 yo. also stop screen time at 7:15? We have 19, 16, 15, 10 & 7 yo. . 19 yo. works, so he is on his own schedule, but I am wondering what your teenagers do between 7:15-11:00 if screen time is not their option. I appreciate if you could give me any insight to this when you have a chance. I am on a quest to set a healthier routine for our family. 🙂
Amy says
So, the 16 year old is now going to bed at 10pm. And I have laxed some on the no screen time. However, they cannot be on any device until after the little boys are in bed at 8 or so. On the days that I do not allow screens at night, they read, draw, listen to music, etc.
Dana says
THANK YOU SO MUCH, for the quick reply!! This is very helpful. Our older boys still use computer when younger boys (we have boys only :-)) are getting ready for bed, and it is very hard for the younger ones. Your post gave me a great encouragement! I will be thinking on a new workable routine for us. 🙂
Tracy says
Love it! Our routine is very similar. I have avid readers, so in the summertime when it is still light outside, they read in bed until 8:30 or so. If they play, though, their consequence is no reading the following night.
nikki says
What if you have kids ages 5, 6, 10, 13, 15, 17, 19, and 20? Teens are NOT going to bed early and are rarely quiet. They like to sit up late and chat with mom and dad too. Bedtime is tough!
Amy says
We’ve entered that season as well, and often, Ty and I will just head to bed and let them be. They have a bedtime and usually they adhere to it. However, if they don’t, they are well aware that everyone has to be up at a certain time the next morning, so they may be tired if they stayed up past their bedtime.
That said, sometimes Ty and I are up with them for a while as well. It just depends on the night and whether or not we need more sleep or more time on our own.
As for the quiet – if they can’t be quiet, they have to go to bed. For the most part, they keep it toned down so they can stay up.