Psalm 127:3-5
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
We are what some people call QUIVERFULL. The term is used to describe any family who leaves their childbearing completely in the Lord’s hands. This means no birth control, no sterilization, and no Natural Family Planning; no prevention of any kind.
But, what about PROMOTION? Does God want us to try to conceive? And, let me take it one step further…does He want us to use interventive methods to cause us to conceive?
These are all questions that the Quiverfull-minded family has to consider because there may come a time when the babies don’t just “automatically” come every year or so. You may find yourself overwhelmed by the Baby-A-Year Club, only to find yourself frustrated when you don’t conceive within your “normal” time frame.
However, this is where the rubber meets the road in the quiverfull walk. If you believe the Lord controls when you conceive, then you HAVE to believe the converse: the Lord controls when you DON’T conceive. In fact, I would suggest that for the quiverfull woman, having a baby every year is not nearly so difficult as going through a period of time when the babies aren’t coming at all.
You can read my Quiverfull Journey here (parts 2 & 3 talk about my time when babies weren’t coming):
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Do I believe a woman should NEVER seek methods to promote conceiving? NO. I think the Lord expects us to keep our bodies in working order, but we must be careful that we are not trying to usurp the Lord’s authority. What are our motives? Remember, the Lord’s plans are not always (dare I say, RARELY) immediately evident to us. So, we really must seek all interventive methods with much prayer and diligent introspection of our hearts.
Another issue that will more than likely rear its ugly head at some point during our childbearing years is something I call The Conception Competition. Even something as pure and good as being quiverfull can turn sour in our sinful human hands. We all know what this Race to Conceive looks like and feels like. We want to “keep up with the Duggers.” We don’t want another quiverfull family to “beat us” We find ourselves thinking, “Whatever will I do if ______ (name of another quiverfull mama) gets pregnant before I do?” Jealousy is never far from the surface.
It is perfectly natural for a woman to desire children, but when bearing children becomes our sole focus, the essence of truly being quiverfull is lost. The verse reads, “Happy is the man that hath HIS quiver full of them.” (emphasis mine) We are not all going to have the same quiver. The Bible clearly warns us against comparing ourselves amongst ourselves (2 Cor 10:12). This only leads to jealousy and sinful behaviors. If we are totally trusting the Lord with our family size, then we MUST be content with our family size at any given point in time.
We cannot spend our time being jealous of others or feeling as though we are less-than-quiverfull because we “only” have X-number of children. We must wholeheartedly enjoy OUR particular quiver. We cannot assume that since we have been having a baby a year that that trend will continue. God does not “guarantee” your fertility.
And having babies IS NOT a status symbol. Children are not “points” you “collect”, they are blessings you receive from the Lord. We must appreciate each and every one for the individuality of their particular blessing. Showing off will only taint your quiverfull testimony.
Lastly, let your babies be babies. Enjoy every second you have with each of your little blessings. Should the Lord bless again, wonderful! Should He not, you have not spent so much time focusing on a future baby, that you have neglected the babies you do have.
It all comes down to TRUST. Do you trust the Lord to be the author of YOUR perfect plan? THAT is the essence of being quiverfull. So, please enjoy YOUR quiverfull!
Anonymous says
Amy, I needed to read this today. It has been a year of “trying” to live out our convictions after finally having our reversal, 8 years after being convicted. Recently God led us to rest in Him for His perfect will for our family. However, some days it is so much harder than others. Thank you!
Sheri sdmap7 says
Amy, Thank you so much for sharing that. It was a real blessing to me today.. 🙂
Naomi O'Donovan says
Amy, This was a very timely post for me. Thank you!
Robin says
Thank you. Great post and very timely for me.
Christina says
Amy,First, congratulations on your new pregnancy! I am beyond excited for your family and praising the Lord for this new baby.Second, thank you for this post. It really puts things into perspective about having children and being content with how many He’s given you. Thank you!
Tosha Tanquary says
Amy,… It is so funny that I came across this today… I found out last night that I am fully funded through blessed arrows! We will be going to have my TR surgery soon! I’ll keep you updated!well I’d better run for now, we just got back home from a LONG trip… I have LOADS of laundry to do…Have a great day!Tosha Tanquary
guinever says
Dear Amy, The conception of my fourth baby was definitely not my timing; I wanted to wait a few months longer than what had been my norm, to get my body back (whatever that means!) after having my first 3 a little less than 2 years apart. Then when that 4th baby of mine was only 3 months old, my toddler died suddenly.In an instant, I realized that just like I wasn’t able to control conception, I also couldn’t control death. And then I was afraid I may never conceive again.When I got pregnant with my 5th baby, I kept thinking over and over, “The Lord has given and He has taken away, and He has given again.”~blessings to you Amy and may you treasure the time that you are pregnant. Thanks for sharing your heart.
ladyofvirtue says
Good comment, well written and well received. This journey is not straight-forward for all of us, but it does always include great trust, and “not my will be done, but Thine”.Praying and believing for a blessed pregnancy.Sherry
Anonymous says
I found your blog… from one on your blog roll. I have sat here… in the wee hours of the night reading about your Emmy. Weeping…your words… I am praying for you. For all of you. words can not express…. I keep typing and then backspacing. We have six children… I long for another… but I believe the Lord has closed my womb. My children pray for another…. but like you said…. trusting…. thank you for sharing. You are a wonderful writer…. Praying for your pregnancy… will continue to pray, Amy….grace & peace,Teena http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/teena6
Lynn says
Thank you so much for posting this. I have had trouble having children. The Lord has blessed me with three children when I was told I may never have any. We need to remember to be content with what God gives us. He contols us having 0,3, and 10. I think this gets forgotten. Not all of us choose small families but God gives us each the amount He feels we need , when He feels we need them. His timing is not our timing. Thank you!
Anonymous says
As a barren woman, this just makes me ache. I wish so much to bless my husband with a child, but my broken body refuses. I can’t understand why God is letting this happen to us. It breaks my heart.I can appreciate that many of the readers of this blog find this topic to be one of relevance, but as someone outside of this blessing I find it very hard.
Pearl says
To you and all childless women reading I want to post a thought that I hope is encouraging. Whenever I have a spiritual issue, I usually turn to a childless woman or a woman who has lost a child. I do this intuitively I guess. The greatest women in the Bible were women who struggled with fertility (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Samson’s mother, and Elizabeth). I think in order to survive this type of loss, it takes a certain strength, a certain character. It is such a character of deep conviction, strength and faith that inspires so many and inspires others to turn to you-often times over their own mothers. In short, these are the women who often become the “mothers” of the church. I hope that did not come across as flip; it is sincere and I hope encouraging.
Christine says
Very well written! We feel the same way, that having children is in God’s timing not ours. Just this past week our pastor’s wife asked me if we would have anymore, we have 5, and I told her it was up to God but we would love many more. I explained to her it wasn’t just about having lots of babies, which I love :), but it was about giving it all to God. Christine
Mrs. Parunak says
Wow! I have been so blessed by your post, especially your admonition to let my current baby be a baby This was just what I needed, just when I needed it.
Anonymous says
Thank you.
Anonymous says
I have been married 14 years, and we are quiverfull…with no children. The one child I lost at 10 weeks gestation, nobody knows about.You really do see that the number of children are a status symbol with people, families with 6 or 8+ on the top, childless couples on the bottom, and all the rest scrabbling it out in between. I have long seen that there are few who haven’t made the issue an idol. I did for many years as well.It is not on this side that we will fully understand why this particular blessing is given so unevenly. But I have been childless for a long time, and I can say that with God’s help we definitely can come to peace in this, and even praise God specifically that He did not give us as many children as we wanted–because there is so much good that can come from this, too. This is my prayer for every woman, at all times through life.
Mrs. McG says
Our Mother’s Day celebration at church always involves a special gift for the mother with the most children present. I know it is meant well, but that kind of competition saddens me especially when I know of more than one couple disheartened over infertility issues. I recall one mother who refused to breastfeed her children because she wanted to be able to conceive by six weeks postpartum. If we are going to let the Lord be Lord, than so be it.
Emily says
I agree! That is ridiculous to do for Sunday worship!! Mother’s Day isn’t about individual mothers, patting ourselves on the back. Is not everything a gift, what have we done to attain it? Mothers Day was never even meant to honor “all mothers in general”. It is to honor and remember our OWN mother.
Michelle says
It is hard to enjoy your quiverfull when the quiver is empty…but I certainly enjoy the time together that my husband and I have been blessed with. I have taken the path of “trying to conceive”. Yes, it was a massive struggle at first – but it was found that I wasn’t ovulating well…I know that I could be on my medication for years and never conceive! We will only have little ones at our feet if it is the Lord’s will.I am so thankful for the two little ones we have had already…even though we didn’t get to know them here on earth.
a woman found says
I found your blog through LAF. I don’t come from a “quiverfull” family nor do I live what I guess would be the typified one. I am married to a pagan man, and I love the Lord and see His faithfulness to me through our marriage, though I married in rebellion to Him. He’s given me a heart to be an Ezra, Nehemiah or Esther in my home to my “king” and He’s also blessed me with a quiver full of TWO! Two boys, 3 and 5.When I first read the title to this post I thought, “That’s it! Enjoy the children you have Sheila!” even before reading your entire post. I’ve been praying that if it is the Lord’s will He would grant me more blessings of children to train and love. This is new to me, since for the past 3 years I’ve been saying, “I don’t want more children.” It wasn’t until recently that I began seeing the beautiful plan of God in regards to the increasing of His kingdom and mothering. I am so thankful for the 2 that fill my quiver now! And I pray daily for the wisdom to train them up that I might be found a good steward of those God has entrusted to me. thank you for this post! well said and heartfelt!sheila
Kat says
My mother would often wish for another baby and it would make me and my sisters feel just terrible. We always wondered why we weren’t enough. I also am quiverful mama with 3 blessings. I had 8 years of infertility in my twenties but I am very grateful to God on what I do have.
Sallie says
Thanks for sharing this in such a loving way!Sallie
Fruitful Harvest says
Thank you for your post~I really needed to here the message. I needed to find contentment in my now~. You are a good writer!
Anonymous says
My heart is just so broken. My husband and have been trying for our first baby for a long time, and the answer seems to be a consistent “no.” It’s so heartbreaking. Please pray for a miracle for us.— Amy C
Melissa Stover says
very thought-provoking post. i especially appreciate the next to the last paragraph about enjoying your babies and not looking for the future babies. that’s such an important point. i got started so late having my babies that i thought each one would be my last and i think i have fully enjoyed each one. they are all such precious gifts.
Mette says
hi amy, yes I think one often forgets that letting God be in control doesn’t necessarily mean there will a large number of children…i struggle with this personnally and am really trying to find peace with the fact that if God doesn’t bless us with more children now, then that’s also fine!
I don’t want people to assume that we use birth control, but I don’t have a super large family to “reveal” that fact – we have been blessed with five children, but only have three here on earth, as our first two (twins) were brought home to God when they were 20mo old.
yet, I also am reminded of the fact that it shouldn’t matter what other people assume about my household, but what is really going on there is the important thing…and God has perfect plans for each of us….I just LOVED how you imaged that ones quiver can be full with a smaller number of children, that our quivers aren’t all going to be of the same size…I had never thought about it that way. thank you for writing this!!
~*~ Allison ~*~ says
Thank you for this post!
We have 2 children and often I feel looked down upon by other families because we only have 2 children.
I firmly believe that 2 is my quiverfull, but often have not felt that was accepted.
I would love to have more children, but it is medically in my & an unborn child’s best interest that I not have any more. I am ok with that.
Again, thank you!!! I plan on following your blog.
Many blessings,
Allison
Michele says
Since I was a small child I always said that I wanted to be a mommy of 6-8 children and I always thought that since that was the desire of my heart that would be my life’s journey. Well God had other plans for me and he began to reveal them to me on my wedding day, during my ceremony at that. The Pastor was talking about having Christ at the center of our marriage and family and then he said these word, “If he chooses to bless you with chldren.” For some woman those words might not have affected them, but for me I heard them as if they were through a megaphone. What I know now is that God was getting my attention and knowing me He started sooner rather than later. I had it all worked out, but He had a different plan. We did not get pregnant as we hoped and after much prayer my husband and I felt a complete peace about seeking medical attention. It was through the rigors of infertitily treatment and surgery that my doctor found my cancer. My oncologist, who is a Christian, believes it was truely from the Lord and so do we.Typically this kind of cancer goes undected until the later stages. I fell into the unexplained fertility catagory. Basically they could not really understand why i did not get pregnant, but the Lord did because he had a different plan for our quiverfull. The Lord began to impress on us that we are to take care of the widows and the orphans and began speaking into our lives about adoption. We are blessed and honored that the Lord choose give us a quiverfull of 3 beautiful adopted children.
Amy says
Michele,
Your story is absolutely beautiful! God does have a different path for each of us and we cannot know when we begin what that path will be exactly. God is so gracious in HIS infinite wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing!
Valerie says
Amen and Amen. This has been soooo a part of my life over the last two years. It was a struggle for a while being Quiverfull with *only* two children. I have totally come to terms with it now (as best I can). But for a while it was a sincere challenge to be OK with it all. Its a weird life when you have two children when its a scary time to have children, and yet change your heart years later, desire them deeply, and yet have secondary infertility. Hard. But what you speak is truth, and that is the same truth that the Lord has brought me to. Thanks for speaking on it 🙂
corine says
This was a much needed post; thanks so much for writing it!
Pearl says
I needed this so much today. We have been convicted to allow God to give us as many children as He wills. We have been struggling for 7 years with unexplained infertility after having 3 babies in 3 years. I have struggled with depression over this because I didn’t feel like I appreciated the 3 I had when they were babies since I was so overwhelmed. Now it seems that my chances for another are over, and I may never get to enjoy baby-hood again. We are trying to enjoy them in the stage they are right now and I am trying to be at peace with having empty arms. It is a struggle everyday. He has also closed the door to adoption several times; I’m just confused and feel abandoned at times.
Michelle says
My quiver is full. I had two boys and was surprised in 2004 that I would have triplet girls. I homeschool and try my best to enjoy my quiver. However when I had a tubal ligation when my girls were born I regretted it later. I have prayed for God to heal me and make me pregnant, but it has not happened. I would even adopt if given the chance. But, at this time I enjoy the five God has given me! I feel very blessed and I am glad that you can be bold enough to speak your honest thoughts in this manner. I believe the same. However, I don’t have that opportunity to enjoy that belief now. I pray for God’s will to be done in my families life- whatever that may mean regarding more kids. He is the ultimate life-giver!!
Julie says
I’m glad I went exploring your blog today. This post was a refreshing perspective for me to hear. I had all MY plans for kids and after the first two I had MY plan for when #3 was supposed to come. What I didn’t know was that I had endometriosis that was hiding and built up during that time of waiting for MY perfect timing for that third child. At first when I didn’t get pregnant I lived in frustration over it but then I went straight over to a panic about having another one because my other two were getting so much older and I didn’t want them so far apart. To make a long story short, God began to show me that on both sides of that issue I hadn’t been willing to trust Him and be content. The endometriosis got so bad that I had severe pain while walking and ended up having surgery to get it cleaned out. My surgeon told me not to expect this to change my lack of ability to get pregnant but a month later I was expecting. I have five kids now from 14 down to <1 and feel so blessed. However, when people found out I was expecting this last time I often heard that I was just trying to keep up with [certain friends]. I started feeling like I would never "arrive" because so-and-so would always have more kids than me. I didn't see myself as jealous, but that's really what I've been. I needed to see that so I could deal with it. Thanks for the reminder!
Elisa says
My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have not been able to conceive. My husband has a very unusual condition, but I knew that this was the man God had intended for me, so I had faith somehow God would work it out. We went to doctors and therapists ( one even suggested I leave my husband!) but although we tried to address the “problem ” we didn’t try any medical means to create a pregnancy so to speak. Church, holidays, tv commercials, going out restaurants,etc. and my career As a teacher were very hard for me. It seems all around me, everyone was pregnant or had children. I knew it was all in God’s hands , which truthfully just made me more angry and frustrated. Why did a loving and all powerful God who calls children a blessing, with hold this blessing from us and give it to so many purposely living outside His will. It all seemed so unfair. Finally, we began the adoption process. It was a long and stressful journey, but we have our son now, who we may never have had if we were allowed to conceive naturally. He is such a blessing. I still grieve the loss of not being able to be pregnant or breastfeed or seeing a growing baby on an ultrasound, etc. We would like very much to have a second child and are seeking some medical assistance this time. Maybe it seems like a lack of faith to try medical intervention,, but I know God still decides whether the drugs and proceedures work, it’s still his call. I just know that I would have always regretted not at least trying. It is a struggle. On one hand I am so overjoyed by the miracle of adoption and the hope it brings, on the other, I struggle with a body designed for but unable to bear children. I’d appreciate any prayers sent our way.
Amy says
Definitely, Elisa! God is faithful, and it rarely looks like we think it ought. {Hugs} as you seek Him.
Christie DeSilva says
I need to remind myself of this often. We had four kiddos in under six years, and now our baby will be four this summer and I’m not pregnant. It feels odd and wrong, and I find myself coveting that child that I don’t have and feeling like I’m missing something, when I am abundantly blessed. We’ve miscarried twice since number four. I have no idea if the Lord desires to bless us with more children, and I definitely need to remember that I am crazy blessed and be completely content, even if I don’t get the big family I always “dreamed” of. 🙂
Amy says
Christie,
I’m struggling with this too since the miscarriages. Like I am coveting a large family and need to ask the Lord’s forgiveness for that. It is a battle. {hugs}
Thyme says
I like that you mentioned seeking medical treatments for infertility. This is a topic I am very cautious to ever bring up. I NEVER ovulate unless I am on medication. I can go years without having a single period, and when I have one there is still no egg. Miraculously I got pregnant on birth control and had our first daughter in 2007. After she was born my husband and I decided that we wouldn’t use any form of birth control and gladly accept our children as they came, and we would know if/when we are done. Then two years went by and there was not a single ovulation, and we went and saw a fertility specialist. I took a pill, which caused ovulation and I got pregnant immediately. (Rather on the second round, we didn’t expect for it to work the first round and were surprised that it had worked, but missed our opportunity, the next month we knew when I was ovulating.) When I felt certain that it was time to get pregnant again I went back to the doctor. I kept getting the answer that we were suppose to have a March baby, that we were suppose to get pregnant after our 2nd child was one-year-old. However, MY plan was to get pregnant a month before, so I that I could possibly have a birthday baby (my oldest child was born on my husband’s birthday, I thought it was only fair that I got one too!)
Well, I planned, and God laughed, because we all know that his plan is MUCH better than mine. I didn’t get pregnant that first month, in fact my medication didn’t even work! The second month I took it, I ovulated late, 4 days after my 2nd child’s birthday! And became pregnant, due in March.
After reading so many blogs about “Quiverfull” families my husband and I have had long discussions about whether what we are doing is forcing our will to happen over the Lord’s. The conclusion we came to was simply that we leave ourselves open to having children when the Lord wants us to. We don’t use ANY type of contraceptives at all, and we would be thrilled with more children coming, whenever they came. We also spend a long time praying about it before we decide to “take matters into our own hands.” But we truly do not believe that we can force our will, as we have seen that I get pregnant easily with medication, but it doesn’t always happen when /I/ want it to.
Although, five years ago when I stopped taking birth control I was told that I would have a million kids. Or at least one a year. Where are my million kids?! lol.
(Sorry for the novel!)
Carla B says
I appreciate your perspective of the “quiver-full” family. I live in an area where there really aren’t any families like that (in fact, we’re kind of freaks having 4 kids) When I started having kids i had no convictions in the matter and was entirely living under a worldly mindset (unknown to me) that children should come when planned and convenient and only in a sensible number. Anything else was unheard of to me. When i started seeing “full quiver” families they baffled and even irritated me, because I could see the inherent idolatry and pride (and often self righteous legalism) that it seemed to bring. Maybe i was looking at extreme examples but I wondered if they think that the more kids you have the more “blessed” you are…what about those with only 1 child, or who are infertile. Are they unblessed? What about those whose babies die or who are never able to conceive? Are they doomed to live life without blessing? I couldn’t ever reconcile those questions with what i saw of the “full quiver” mentality. Having babies isn’t a formula for earning God’s favor, or a necessarily a result. Children aren’t points on a checklist of holiness. We made a decision four years ago that I have regretted since. We made ourselves infertile. Since then I have done more reading and learning how much even Christian circles have been influenced by feminism and secular world view on child rearing. My heart and conviction has changed but our situation hasn’t. It has brought with it grief as well as repentance. I know our motives were based on fear and selfishness not seeking the Lord. I would hesitate to say that it is a sin in general, but in our case because we went against the Spirits direction (I never felt peace about it), and followed our own hearts so it was. I don’t believe that our sole purpose or mission in life, as women, is bearing children. We are also called to make disciples, serve, take care of those in need etc. but while I have children in my home motherhood is my highest priority…whether I have 4 children or the Lord brings us more to raise. I know that God can work good even out of our own sin and folly though! In the years since the door was closed to conception we have opened up our home to 6 different foster children and are currently adopting. It was always something that I was passionate about and I know God had planned for us to do. I really like that you addressed the competitive and idolatrous nature that can corrupt something as beautiful as letting the Lord grow your family. I think idolatry and pride are the basis of any corruption. As i raise my 4 children, and as we open our home to more adopted children in the future I am trying to figure out this “big family dynamics” thing. thanks for all the big family tips!
Crafty Mama says
I’m not going to lie, there have definitely been times when I’ve thought, “Hey, that mom that had babies after me is catching up! I better start having more babies!” Isn’t that sad?! Thanks so much for posting this!! What a great reminder that even the beautiful things God has created can be distorted by our sinful nature.
Yvonne stewart-taylor says
My Great grandmother had 20 children in 21 years, she raised them all, and helped with her 150 grandchildren, she died a Happy Christian Lady at age 96. I have never come accross a woman, so gentle and so much faith in our Saviour. I wanted to have all the children that God wanted me to have and I did. I did not marry till age 28 I have three grown up sons, and a wonderful granddaughter age 10. I feel very blessed, having lost identical twin girls, which was very sad, as I ended up with no daughters, the good Lord saw fit for my first grandchild to be a girl. He knows what he is doing and He is in charge.
Brea says
This was very well written and encouraging. My husband and I are now leaving our fertility to the Lord. I really had a change of heart last year when I realized that God controlled when I didn’t conceive just as much as when I did and I don’t want to say I trust Him with all my life except this area. We had fertility problems and even with surgery and medication it still took over 2 years to get pg. I didn’t know it then but God was orchestrating our lives to adopt our oldest son who we would not have offered to adopt had we gotten pg right away. We have used natural family planning in the past but since I have come to terms with the fact that it is God who opens and closes my womb continuing to “count days” would not be fully trusting in God’s timing. We have 4 children now and I can’t wait to have more. I am puzzled at why more Christians do not give this area of their lives to God, it seems we think that He does a great job in other areas but can’t handle our fertility, what craziness. I am thankful that the Lord has shown me clearly on this and I now trust Him completely with our family size.
Jennifer G says
I love this post. I have the utmost respect for families who can leave family planning to the Lord. My husband and I feel our quiver is full with our 2 children (ok, 1 with 2nd due in a month). We have used natural family planning for many years, taking “chances” here and there. And the Lord didn’t bless us with our first child until we had been married for about 10 years, and we were BOTH ready (or thought we were) for the challenge. He didn’t bless us with this next child for over 4 years, because we were not BOTH ready. Both times we were “ready” at the same time, we got pregnant right away, so I truly believe His hand was in it and that we are following His plan for our family.
Joey says
This spoke to me. I was on my program…2 years apart…1, 2, 3 beautiful girls…I wanted 6. Then 1, 2, 3 miscarriages. I’m 43 now and it has been a rough 4 years….my sister in law and my friends still having babies and me done before I ever wanted to be. You’re so right about enjoying what God gave me rather than focussing on getting pregnant again and missing what’s currently happening. So much stress, sooo many pregnancy tests and so many tears.
Thank you. Thank you.
Kate says
I’m so glad I found your website Amy! I have been pondering this philosophy. I am a Christian woman and our family trusts God to provide every day since we have never been given more than we need each moment. I have three children and we know we want to adopt as well, so we talk about wanting to save room in our home for that. This last child came a month early and after 3 weeks of bed rest in the hospital. After all that my husband and I thought we should prevent getting pregnant again. However, I feel like that may be wrong. Even though I’m exhausted from having a newborn, and even though all the Christian people around me expect us to be “responsible” and prevent further children, my heart is desiring more. Like I said, we want to adopt as well, but I feel that if God has put that in our hearts we will be able to do that whether we keep having kids or not. I love the Dugger’s family and although I would never aspire to have that many children…I know if I did I would be fine. God would still provide for us. He would never say “Why aren’t you using birth control!” 🙂
This gives me a lot to pray about. Thank you for the encouragement and I’m sure I’ll spend hours reading the rest of your blog!
Amy says
Much to pray about! 🙂
Susan McCurdy says
True words. We must accept from the hand of the Lord the when, where, how of each circumstance, including children. I appreciated the words of this post.
Trisha Adams says
Hi Amy,
I really loved reading your passage about being quiverfull. My husband and I currently have 5 biological children. In 2003, I got pregnant with our 5th child just as we found out my Grandmother was dying and would be leaving this Earth and resting at the feet of Jesus by Christmas. Now at the time, my husband and I did not have any sort of Faith whatsoever. Honestly, losing my Grandmother created a deep grief and anger towards God for awhile. I had always wanted a house full of children. The more the better. But, for some reason, I had this fear about being pregnant when my Grandma died, so my husband and I decided to take care of the situation, and he got a vasectomy and a few months later when my son was born, I also got a tubal ligation.
I was very content with the 5 children that we had. In December of 2004, I started going to church, and by February 2005, had made a decision to follow Jesus and ask Him to come into my heart. It was the best decision I ever made. In 2009, my Grandfather passed away suddenly, and at the same time, we found out my cousin was expecting her 6th child. She was not making very good choices in her life and her 3 oldest children had been taken through CPS and her dad adopted them. Her younger 2 children were removed at birth and placed in an unrelated adoptive home. Since this was her previous experience, and she didn’t seem to be making better choices for her life, we expected this baby to be removed also. My husband and I talked about the option of trying to get custody if that should happen. After a year of different things going on, it was evident that was not the plan God had intended, even though I felt so strongly that this little baby was meant to be ours. I had gone to a friend who was the Children’s Pastor of our church, as well had been in the adoption process until God decided the timing was finally right to bless them with their first child, and she talked to me about becoming a Foster Parent. To be honest, at the time, I didn’t feel that being a Foster Parent was the right decision, because I get attached, and I was worried it would break my heart to bring a child into our home, just for them to go home after we had gotten attached. But, I did start looking into the Adoption process. It was something I had also always wanted to do, but felt we did not measure up financially, because we were already blessed with a big family. But we decided to go for it anyway through our county’s Foster Care program. After doing everything they asked of us, they asked us to withdraw our application because we needed a bigger home, they were concerned that our big family would deter us from being a match to a child, and wanted us to wait. I was devastated. We came home and told our children, and I said that we would not try again in the future, because God closed the door. My 13 yr old son, said, ” Maybe God isn’t saying “Not Ever” maybe he is just saying, ” Not Yet”
Three months later, at a birthday party, my cousin began telling us about a friend of hers. She was pregnant, uncertain of how far along, but she already had another child and wanted to give this baby up. She was considering leaving the baby at the hospital or leaving it with the people she was living with (who had a substance abuse problem) We decided we would love more than anything to be this baby’s parents. He was born 3 mos later, and came straight home from the hospital to us. Unfortunately, we were not able to adopt him outright. The birth father (substance abuser and criminal) did not agree, so the plan was for guardianship instead. Just after he turned 18 mos, we ended up with guardianship of his 3yr old brother. When we brought him into our family, we knew there was a huge possibility that this would be temporary. But, we wanted to keep the boys together in the possibility that birth mom did not turn her life around. We have had “K” in our family for 3 years now, and “S” has been with us for 18 mos. The boys are 3 and 4yrs old. There is still a possibility that “S” will go home with his mom soon. And the birth father, who is still lives the same lifestyle he did 3 years ago, is trying to take “K” from us.
All of that to ask this question, (really sorry) Do you feel being “quiverfull” only comes from birth? Or do you feel God does the same thing by placing a call on someone’s heart to adopt or foster? I am curious, because we are often frowned upon because we have a big family already, as to why we would have taken in these two little boys. And the truth is, I want to adopt more. And the heart that I once feared would be devastated if we fostered, has changed because I realize that we took “S” in believing it was temporary. People say that I am discontented with the children God blessed me with, but I don’t feel that way at all. They also say that because 2 of my children are grown and moving away, and the others aren’t too far behind, that I am trying to replace my children, because my identity is in being a mom. But, I have never wanted to be anything but a mom! Thank you for reading…
Amy says
What a beautiful story! I do not understand why large families are not allowed better/easier adoption processes than they are. Being “quiverfull” is most definitely an understanding of the blessing of children, not necessarily biological. I have a dear friend who calls herself a “child collector” because anyone who calls with a child who needs a home, she will take them at a moment’s notice. It is a beautiful example of mercy and grace and love. You are being that example as well.
Yvonne says
I really wish I would have know this almost five years ago, When I did the dumb thing of getting fixed. I was a Christian back then to, but I don’t know why I didn’t trust God. I have prayed that He would forget me for not trusting him. But I just having ever felt that I could say that I know He has. Would God forget me for not trusting Him?
Amy says
Absolutely He forgives!
Katherine Pettit says
I am a student trying to write a paper about large families vs small families. I am trying to find information proving that children that are raised in larger families have a better work ethic and succeed better in school but I cannot find anything but “opinions” on large families and facts that its better to have a small family. Any resources you might be able to lead me to?
Amy says
The book at the bottom of my Large Family Living page entitled Full Quiver has a chapter that addresses this.
nina says
Amen if God wants you to have children you will. I am expecting my 5th in oct and have faith in Gods plan. Thank you so much for your site.
Momof3 says
Wow! To tell you the truth, I have never even heard of parents letting God decide how many children the family would be blessed with! And I have been a Christian for 20 years! Things are not done that way where I live. In fact, after I became pregnant for the fourth time after one miscarriage, I started getting lots of jokes suggesting maybe I didn’t realize how babies were made, because why else would I choose to have three? I, with one other homeschool mom, am the only stay at home mom in our congregation, and now I’m about to tell them that I am planning on homeschooling my three! Anyways, it is so refreshing to know there are others out there who see children are a blessing rather than a hinderance. Thanks!
Rebekah says
Amy,
I found your blog today through Pinterest and I am so glad! My husband and I submitted our family to the Lord shortly after we married in 2007. Our oldest son was born in May of 2009 and we miscarried about 3 months later. We had 3 more children in October of 2010, January of 2012, and a 4th of July baby in 2013. Having all of our children 15-17 months apart we were pretty surprised to celebrate a first birthday without being pregnant. My youngest is now 14 months old and every month that goes by I feel surprised and a bit disappointed that we are not expecting again. Thank you for the reminder that God is in control in both when you conceive and when you don’t, and for the encouragement to enjoy the blessings that God has given us every day.
Amy says
It’s tough when you’ve come to expect one thing and get another, but the Lord truly is in control! Welcome to the blog! 🙂
Cheryl says
I came across your post today after years of feeling conviction about tying my tubes. We had four children within 4.5 years and then tied my tubes. I was ok for about a year and then started feeling deep conviction. It grows every year. We are struggling with the financial obligation associated with a reversal. I guess I am just looking for some encouragement or wisdom from others that have been in my shoes. Blessings.
Amy says
Cheryl – Take a look at http://www.blessed-arrows.com – I have had friends go through them to help fund a reversal. You will also find some great support there as well. ((HUGS))
Veronica Ngaujah says
Just read your comment. I have two boys both by C Section. This limits the number of children I can have. Any thoughts on that?
Julia says
Hi! I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this post. My husband and I are in the process of “trying’ for our second child. I got an IUD after giving birth but I knew it wasn’t what God wanted for us so inhad it removed a couple months later. Since then we have not conceived. We really stopped preventing conception at all when my son was 11 months old. A lot of my friends are pregnant now so it’s hard for me not to think I must be less blessed. But I know God has a plan for us and our family. It’s all about trusting Him to build our families, right? 😉 I love my precious son and I hope to have another one in God’s time!
Rebekah says
I just ran across this website the other day. It’s been encouraging to see the perspectives of so many women seeking after God in raising their families. My husband and I have taken the how many God gives us, whenever He gives them to us approach, although I’d never heard of the quiver full idea. Where I’m from, there are few large families. Growing up, the few people who related to the ‘large’ family mentality, (six kids in my family) were those from broken homes. The unwritten social norm is that it’s being responsible to have a few kids, otherwise it’s a strange notion to have more. And you have as many kids as you can handle, whether that’s 2, 3, or 4. My husband comes from a family that planned and ‘chose’ when to have kids and how many to have. Three is the number. My in-laws were wise in not advising us on the subject. I firmly believe God’s timing and provision, also trusting that our hearts will be open to how many children God would have us raise. We’ve been asked several times, how many kids did we want to have and my response has been, “how many ever the Lord wants us to have”. Currently we have 2 kids– a 2 yr old boy, a 1 yr old girl (11 1/2 months apart) and I’m expecting again in October, after a miscarriage previously. The only hiccup with my pregnancies/deliveries was my placenta not wanting to come out. The doctor was quite concerned after our daughter was born and gently told us they would put me under and try to do their best, but I may not be able to have kids anymore if things didn’t go well. We left it in the Lord’s hands… And it went well… I’m still able to conceive! When I miscarried in Sept. of 2015, I didn’t get pregnant again for several months. All in the Lord’s timing. I would have been weeks away from delivering. Yet God in His mercy knew having 2 toddlers along with a newborn would be more than I could bear, having just lost my brother, my best friend growing up. He was 22 and passed away 3 weeks ago in an accident. My oldest turned 2 the day before my brother died. I’m reminded of the verse– Romans 8:28, “And we know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose”. Just as we trust Him to help us take up our crosses and daily follow Him, so we trust Him for the number of kids and the number of our days. We trust Him to take what He allows in this the fallen, broken world and use it somehow for His glory.
Michelle says
I thank you for this article. I often feel unfit because my quiver has just 3 blessings. My heart desires more. I am enjoying my 3 sons.
Katie says
As a mom of 13 soon to be 14 I have definitely experienced jealousy from other women. Often being told that Im lucky or that i must be more faithful than they are because they only have 7 kids and how they have been trying for a year or so to have another. I also have felt similar feeling myself where I am like oh wow “x” family has 18 and that our family wont be complete until we reach 20. In those situations i have to pull myself back and say that if it is His will then it will happen and i cannot judge myself against others in my church and i just have to put my faith in Him. If 14 kids is what we end up with I have to accept that that is what He wanted. I do think He will bless me with more though!