I was 21 when I had my first child. Ty and I were in college, and I went back to school a week after my c-section.
I was 23 when I had my second child. During her pregnancy, I was a mess. I had hyperemesis gravidarum. I am thankful my son survived on the cheese and crackers I threw on the table and the few minutes of parenting I could manage every day.
When my older two children were 3 and 1, their Daddy deployed for 2 years. We rarely saw him, and I learned the art of single-parenting (with the help of grandparents).
I was 27 when I had my third child. My older children didn’t need as much care since they were 6 and almost 4, so I could focus a lot of attention on the baby.
And then the “crazy years” began…
Whereas I had YEARS between my first 3 children, I had my next 3 in 3 years!
What you don’t see in the photo is that I actually had 4 in 4 years.
Emily is not in the photo – she came after the little guy in orange.
It was a crazy time of running after lots of littles, enduring what seemed like endless morning sickness, and never feeling like I could get ahead of the game.
And then there was Emily. Through her hospitalizations, I felt I could only be her parent. I had to leave my other children in the care of grandparents and friends. And when she died, I could barely put one foot in front of the other.
Fast forward several years to my 9th child, born a month before my 38th birthday. It was one of the healthiest pregnancies I’ve ever had, but following her birth, I became ill, both physically and mentally. I struggled through sleepless nights and irrational emotions. I was never sure what the day (or night) would bring.
I haven’t been the same mother all these years. When I had my first, I was selfish and impatient. By the time I had learned some patience, the Lord saw fit to bless me with more children than my hands (and lap) could hold. Through college and homeschooling, through countless moves and life changes, through births and even death, I mothered the best I could.
And I know beyond a doubt, I am exactly the right mother for each of these children…right where they were, right where they are.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139:16
God chose each of my children, formed them, and gave them to me with their story already written. He knew precisely the mother I would be. He knew precisely the struggles and blessings to come, and He did not make a mistake by giving me Blake when I was in my early twenties and Aspen when I was in my late thirties. Blake needed that mom when he was little, and this mom now that he is big, just as his littlest sister needs me as the mom I am right now, and as we both grow older, I will continue to be exactly the mom she needs.
No, we are not perfect parents, but God is faithful as we seek Him. He fills in our gaps. We must simply be faithful and faith-filled.
This mothering is a humbling occupation. We are rarely sure we are doing it right, and most of the time, we are convinced we are most certainly doing it all wrong. But, we can trust that God has not left us here to figure it out on our own. We can trust that He knows our needs and our children’s needs. We can trust that we are exactly the mother our children need right now.
Rébecca says
Thank you for this post. It is such an encouragement to me. In the past year, I have often felt like I wasn’t the mother my kids needed. We lost our 2 month old (6th child) last February, so there was grieving time after that, then I became pregnant two months later and was so sick I was in survival mode, then I never had a “second trimester” and felt beyond exhausted and achy for the rest of the pregnancy. I felt bad that I didn’t have the energy to do everything I wanted and be a “fun mom”, but kept thinking after the birth things would get back to normal. Well, two days after she was born my baby stopped breathing… god spared her but she then had two hospital stays, totalling 38 days… I was with her most of the time, feeling guilty about my other children who had to go to friends houses more often than they would have wanted, but when I came home to be with them, I would worry about my baby whom I imagined crying all by herself in her hospital room… And now that she is home, she is monitered constantly and that is a stress I didn’t expect… But not only God knows all this, He ordained it, and He does what is best through all of this. My prayer is that through it all, my children may know that He loves them.
Peta says
That was beautiful Amy, I love your honesty.
Adina @ Royal Blessings says
This was …wow. Exactly what I’ve needed here lately. Struggling through this exact issue right now. And I need to know I’m not the only who feels like I fail some days. Thank you.
Magan says
Thank you so much for writing this! I am in the trenches of morning sickness with our 6th child &I there are tOnes when I feel so guilty about all that I can’t do with the kids right now. This made me realize that God has all this on his perfect plan. Thanks Amy!
Elizabeth says
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this beautiful reminder!
Becky says
Amen, Amy! It should be so freeing to us from “mommy guilt’ … not that we don’t give it our absolute best in the day-to-day, but God has so so got this. He’s got us and our marriages and our children. He’s got us right where we are and He continues through the day-to-day to grow us and mold us.
Our oldest is almost 22 and our youngest is 9 ~ the Lord has worked on me so much in those years, refining and growing me to be more like Himself. I ask Him often to bring beauty from the ashes of my mess and praise Him for the way He alone can bring good to our life, marriage & children.
rebecca says
wow… thanks for this 🙂
through challenges and pregnancies I can only trust God that I am enough for my kids in whatever situation we are in…
But I never thought of it the way you put it today… thanks!
Jennifer Capes says
What a beautiful living testimony you are! This is what I remind myself when I humbly go before my children to ask forgiveness for losing it.
Suanna says
SMILE! I like knowing that God’s plan for me as a mom is what is most important. No comparisons needed.
kaci says
I love this. I am enough for my children and thank God daily for all of my little blessings!:)
Sheila Mom to Seven says
Thank you for this timely post. I feel like a failure so often. And, I’m reminded where those thoughts come from. 🙁
I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness.
Mrs scott says
Thank you for this reminder today. So often I doubt myself. Like you, life and having babies has been a journey for me. I became a mother at 20. I always felt bad for my daughter because she didn’t have parents who were married. I struggled with it constantly. Single and raising my daughter, I eventually met and married someone 12 years older than I. He helped to raise my precious child and 3-years into our marriage, we had 3 more babies all within two years! We gave our lives to Christ in 2008 and then 2-months later, he got sick with cancer and life was turned upside down. My kids were then ages 13, 2, 2 and 1. He lost his job, we had no income, he was in and out of the hospital continually and couldn’t drive, I found myself having to leave my children with family and friends just to manage him. It was so very difficult and yet God carried me. He passed away the day after Christmas that same year and I would never be the same mother. There was a fog that kept me from losing it but I was just surviving. I feel like I’d missed out on those little years of my little ones lives and those crucial teen years of my big one. Yet, God carried them. The years began to pass and the fog began to lift, the babies grew and life began to finally settle into the “new” normal. I was content in the Lord as my husband, as my children’s Heavenly Father, but their heart longed for an earthy one and if I’m honest, I guess my heart kind of did too. In my fifth year of widowhood, God brought someone into our lives who has forever changed it. We were married in the spring and blessed with a precious baby girl two years later. He is daddy to my children. They call him daddy and he loves them as if they were his flesh and blood. We are beyond blessed! Yet, i find myself once again in the moment of it all. Am I giving each of them enough? Am i what they need? Am I failing them? I also homeschool and sometimes I am so overwhelmed with the crazy and the thoughts that I’m doing it all wrong! After 20+ years of having babies, I still doubt. So, thank you for your words and your reminder that God knows what he’s doing and that He always has! Blessings, my friend.
Raschelle says
Thank you for the encouragement! I couldn’t be reminded of this truth enough.
korie says
Wow this is beautiful! And timely too. We are about to have our third, so emotionally I have been more unstable and fearful. But you have reminded me of how involved God is in his plan for our family. I think we forget as moms that we don’t have to be the only ones investing in our kids’ lives. God can strategically use sickness and difficult times to draw the WHOLE family closer to him. Be blessed Amy! God loves you and your family!
Stacey says
So beautiful!! Thank you for the sweet reminder. 🙂
Yvonne says
How sweet! Totally needed to read this today. This Mama of 9 just got the flu. Feeling pretty miserable. Thanks for you beautiful words of encouragement.
Tabitha alloway says
I just read your post from April of last year on your postpartum anxiety. So sorry to hear you’ve had a difficult time with this. Are you feeling better now? I went through a similar experience after Marcus (our second) was born. The anxiety was horrible; it was not just depression, although that became severe as well. I experienced panic attacks, and I couldn’t eat or sleep. I’m doing much better now. I found a really good Functional Medicine doctor in Wichita who has been able to help me a lot. I’ve used B-vitamins, magnesium, kava kava (to help me sleep; now I’m using Kavinace and it’s wonderful), etc. My doctor does hormone testing, and we discovered that my cortisol (the stress hormone) was through the roof; it couldn’t even be measured on the medical charts. My progesterone was low, and my estrogen has also been through the roof (and THAT’LL make you feel crazy if nothing else does). Right now my doctor has me on an all-natural product call FemGuard; it’s full of vitamins, minerals and herbs designed to balance the female hormones. As far as the spiritual side of things, I’ve been very encouraged by going through a Bible Study book titled, “Hope in God” by Kristie Gant. Can’t recommend this enough!!!
Amy says
Thank you, Tabitha! Things are better. I am B12 deficient, so I am taking a high-powered B12 lozenge. It is amazing how a deficiencies can make you feel so crazy. I will definitely look into the Bible Study too! Thank you!
Amy says
Thank you so much for this post! It really spoke to my heart and came at such a good time. It has been a challenging week and it’s such a good reminder that at each point in our lives God helps us to be exactly the mom our children need. I came across your blog a few months ago and this is my first comment, so wanted you to know how much your blog has meant to me! I have learned so much from reading your posts and have been so encouraged. Thank you so much! 🙂
Lisa says
Amy, I love the honesty you share in this post. Thank you for the reminder that God knew what He was doing when each child entered our lives. He doesn’t make mistakes, and we can trust that we’re exactly who are children need.
Evalena says
I have to say. My story is extremely similar to yours, but still different. Now I’m older an all these years and now even grand babies I have NEVER THOUGHT nor have I EVER HEARD IT PUT SO VERY VERY PRECIOUS. You are a blessings to many I’m sure.
Rosemind taber says
This is EXACTLY what I have felt for SO long. TOO long. The inadequacy button gets pushed by so many people, including (especially) me. Thank you for saying what God says about us mothers. How He sees it is all that really matters. Thank you.
gail says
Beautifully written , was blessed by reading it thank you for this post x
Joanna Everett says
I agree I was 16 when I gave my heart to the Lord and walked away and the birth of my oldest at 19 caused me to recommit my heart to the Lord I was a single mom for years and lots of time just me and her. Then I got married and I had 4 babies in 5 years. That was interestesting. Now with baby number 5 Im nursing and now its been a longer age difference between these two siblings and I have a 10 and six year old I have more helping hands. Your post is very encouraging and right on.
Jessie s. says
You have me in tears right now, I needed to hear this! Thank you.
Hannah says
Love this!!!!
Karen says
Exactly what I needed to hear at this moment!! Mama of 9!
Traci Ch says
Thank you so much for your post. I came across it on Pinterest and it was just what I needed tonight. God bless!