How do you make birthdays special when you have a lot of kids and a lot of birthdays to celebrate? These ideas won’t stress you out or break the bank!
It’s birthday season in our home, and that means lots of partying and noise and cake! But, I would venture to guess birthdays in our home don’t look “normal” to an outsider.
There are no big parties with friends. There are no sleepovers. And frankly, there are no stressors. We get to truly celebrate what an old family friend always called “the anniversary of their birth.”
In fact, I hesitated to name this post “Large Family Birthdays” because I didn’t want to give the wrong impression. I didn’t want people coming to this post with the hopes that they would find a list of 25 ways to have the perfect birthday in a large family, complete with party favors and a bounce house for each kiddo.
None of that is in this post.
Instead…this post is about how WE do birthdays in OUR large family, plus some out-of-the-box ideas from other large families. And the one thing all of these ideas have in common is that they are LOW STRESS, LOW HASSLE, LOW MAINTENANCE.
And if you have a large family, you know that’s worth its weight in gold!
Now, I want to be up front with you…
We stopped doing traditional birthday parties long before we had a large family. We started leaning toward what I call a “large family mentality” when we only had 2 children – a point in parenting when it is VERY easy to make birthdays a HUGE affair, and continue that trend forever and ever, amen.
And don’t get me wrong – we HAD tried the “traditional” birthday celebrations. They went something like this:
A room full of people
Tons of children (not my own)
Gifts being discarded within seconds of being opened
Very few decent birthday pictures because of the chaos
Tons of money spent on birthday extras that were really just a way to “keep up with the Joneses”
Exhausted parents & cranky children
Sounds like fun, eh?
Now, I know some of you LOVE the birthday party atmosphere, and you don’t mind the exhaustion and stress leading up to the big day, but for our family, it just wasn’t working.
And as our family grew, all we could envision was more and more chaos on more and more days of the year “celebrating.”
So, we ditched it all and started NEW birthday traditions that felt WAY more like celebrating!
How we celebrate birthdays in our big family
Choice Meals
Sometime in the week before a birthday, I sit down with the birthday kid and plan out their meals for their day. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner are all their choice, and they LOVE THAT!
For instance, my little guy who is turning 8 this week ordered up boxed mac and cheese for his lunch meal! We don’t have that often, so this is a REAL TREAT for him! He is beyond excited about it.
HINT: If your child wants a lot of extravagant foods on their birthday and you don’t have the energy to make them all, spread it out over a “birthday week” or ask them to pare it down a bit. It’s ok, mom!
No Chores
I think this might be my kids’ favorite part of birthdays. On their birthdays, they are exempt from school and chores. This means no Table Chores, no 15 Minute Tidy. They get to sit and look pretty while their siblings work.
They are also exempt from one Friday whole house clean (we call it Home Blessing). They choose either the Friday before or the Friday after their birthday.
NOTE: Some of my children have informed me that they feel “bored” when they watch their siblings clean on their birthday. They don’t know what to do while they wait for everyone to be done cleaning.
Rule the Day (within reason)
The birthday child is the King or Queen of the day. They are in charge of the TV remote. They are in charge of when they open presents. They can request a special outing, a special game. And they get the Special Plate (as seen in the post: How to Make a Special Night for Each Child).
This is also a day when they get to watch what they want and play video games as well. Usually, we take turns with choosing television shows, and game day is only once a week. So, this is something SUPER special!
READ >> Managing Computer Time for Kids
Few Presents
We typically get 2 presents for the birthday kid. There’s no gift opening frenzy (although, we do like to yell, “1, 2, 3, RIP IT OPEN!” when they open their gifts!).
The siblings also like to give gifts, but it is not a requirement. Back in the day, sibling gifts were often an old toy wrapped up in wrapping paper because they LOVED having something to give. Now, many of them have their own money and like to give new gifts.
Our littlest children like to make cards and tape a few coins to the card for their sibling. So precious!
HINT: Don’t try to make presents monetarily “fair.” Some birthdays are bigger than others in our home. One year, a child might get a digital camera. The next year, it’s a much smaller gift. I don’t want to be beholden to a certain price point every single year for every single child. It just doesn’t make sense and shouldn’t be how you gauge your gift-giving.
Simple Decorations
Anyone who knows me knows I am not fancy about anything…birthday decor included! I buy rolls of the kids’ favorite colors of streamers about once a year and we decorate the dining room (since that’s where the cake and presents usually take place).
I sometimes buy themed plates and napkins, and this past year I bought a Paw Patrol Happy Birthday sign since several of my kids love that show.
My 16 year old daughter helps decorate after the birthday kid is in bed (unless it is her or another older sibling), and frankly, the dining room ends up looking like we tp’ed it with crepe paper! Fun stuff!
Special Cake
When my husband’s Granny was still living and able, she would make a special cake for each birthday child. Even if she couldn’t be there for their actual birthday, she would have a cake ready for when we came to visit. And usually, it was made to their specifications, like this horse themed cake Megan requested:
Some kids choose ice cream cakes from Dairy Queen. Some kids choose cakes smothered in jelly beans. Some kids choose cookies! It’s fun to see their little personalities come out in choosing a cake!
We also have a special way we light candles which is extremely obnoxious, but all our own!
As dad lights each candle, we count – rather loudly – until the very last candle, when we are nearly yelling their age and then break out into a resounding chorus of Happy Birthday!
Occasional Deviations
Every so often, we deviate from our usual birthday traditions. Sometimes it is because it’s a monumental birthday – like 13 or 16. Sometimes it is because of our current circumstances (think moving…since it seems we are always moving!).
READ >> Large Family Moving Series
When our son turned 13, he planned a trip for him, his dad, and a friend and his grandpa. He made all the arrangements himself!
When our oldest daughter turned 16, we took her and a friend to a Deaf Culture Museum.
But, these are RARE occasions.
And we NEVER invite more than 1 friend because we tried inviting a couple of friends and someone was always left out. It just didn’t work well.
We also sometimes do half-sleepovers where the one friend gets to stay at our house until midnight or 12:30. The kids LOVE this! (We do not do regular sleepovers at all.)
But, for the most part, our large family birthday celebrations simply include our immediate family (which is a party all by itself!). I have found that celebrations like these include the entire family which teaches humility and sharing for the birthday child and patience and servanthood for the other children.
Everyone definitely knows who the birthday child is, but the birthday child is encouraged to be considerate of his or her siblings.
Our celebrations are calm, but fun.
There are pictures galore and they are really, really good ones.
Presents are kept under control, and I never feel the stress of needing to put on a gala affair.
It’s been the perfect way to celebrate the anniversary of each child’s birth!
Other large family birthday ideas:
- Hot cocoa in bed for the birthday child.
- Breakfast table set with gifts all around that are opened first thing in the morning and CAKE for breakfast!
- Going out as a family to eat at birthday child’s favorite restaurant.
- Birthday kid gets to wear PJ’s all day.
- Birthday child stays up until midnight.
- Birthday WEEK instead of just a day – works well if you have other commitments on their birthday that you can’t get out of.
Amydeanne says
okay i love the cake! it’s perfect for my daughter, so i might have to try and make one of those!
Some great ideas.. i know we struggle with parties, so this might help!
Tina says
Wow, what a great way to celebrate. Only having two children and one on the way I already was struggling with the big birthday party thing because it is hard to manage now and I have dreams of having an even larger family. Thank you!
Susan says
That is exactly how we do our birthdays. our kids love it and they really don’t ask about having a party. i think we stopped it when they were young enogh.
Naomi says
Thanks for the post.
I have a question for you. I’ve had a birthday party inviting family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) over for a traditional kids birthday – food, cake, gifts, games – for my first daughter’s first and second birthday. I’ve since decided against the whole party idea.
I feel a need to “keep it fair” and do the same for my second daughter. What are your thoughts on “keeping it fair”?
Sandpiper says
We don’t do big parties either. We have always done family celebrations. I let the child pick the kind of cake they would like and I make it for them. They also get to pick what we eat for dinner. Now that they’re getting a little older(my oldest is 12), they are opting for doing an activity, like going horseback riding or ice-skating and that is part of their birthday gift.
Grace Wheeler says
er…make that…”GENIUS”! lol!
Grace Wheeler says
After my first child’s 1st birthday, I did away with the “big party” fiasco…one time was one too many for me!
Birthdays can so easily become more about the day (and my expectations) and less about the child…so I like all your ideas!
I’ll have to remember that “half-sleepover” idea…GENIOUS! 🙂
Shelby says
Our son has a particularly tricky birthday–Christmas Eve! He just turned one this year and we did a grandparents-only celebration. He’s a fortunate baby to have a set of great-grandparents too! As far as gifts go, we allow one “birthday” gift. We did celebrate his half-birthday in June with a more traditional party, but I’m still a big fan of limiting the celebration.
Linda says
Yes, I think it is kind of crazy when people put on big theme parties and spend a bundle on parties and have to top them each year with something bigger and better.
Fruitful Harvest says
Amen Sister~
Great post!
That is much how we celebrate birthdays around here! One year when we still did the BIG birhtday thing….I did not make goodie bags (they cost a bundle to put together) and one child who was about 7yrs old said to me,
“what kind of party is this? No goodie bags? Thats lame!”
My son was so embarrassed….and not happy with me,after all I had already done!
My son wanted to keep up with the Jones or at least felt the presure too. Thats when Hubby and I decided to not give our children a large group style party! With 6 kiddos it was hard to keep up with large scale parties!
Starting mid May we have a birthday 3 birthdays in a row! One every 2 weeks for 6 weeks!
Its during baseball season,life here is busy!
Happy Birthday to your little one!
Tell granny she did a great job on the cake!
Grandparents are wonderful aren’t they!
I wish my parents and in laws lived close!
Prayers and Blessings,
Georgiann
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Naomi,
Our last big party was my 2nd child’s 2nd birthday. We just downplayed the whole thing and acted as if this is the way it’s always been. I don’t remember the children even noticing. The adults were very understanding.
There are still pictures and there is still fun so I don’t think they feel they are missing out. We’ve even attended some big parties for others and they all seem to be okay with not having something like that.
There is just absolutely no way to make everything fair for our children. And that’s okay. 🙂
Michelle says
We do similar things…we take them out to lunch…just the birthday kid and mom and dad…they pick what cereal for breakfast and what dinner…we have their party with just us…and I’ve recently begun making cakes. Mimi has a special desert for them too and we open presents from her over there.
They can pick a fun thing to do for their birthday and invite the cousins or a friend. Usually the cousins come!
Kristin says
I just found your site and CANNOT stop reading! I love what you do for birthdays, but one question I have is this. When you go to other birthday parties that are bigger, do your children ever say, “I don’t understand why I can’t have birthdays like this.” And if so, what is your response. My children are 10, 5, 2 (and we have one due in April), and I am switching to a large family mentaility. They have always had parties at home, but with friends. I am just anticipating some griping and bad attitudes at first and don’t want my older children to feel resentful of the younger siblings.
You may have already posted on this and I just haven’t seen yet, but, could you post about how you do Christmas and Easter in a big family? What things you do to make them special without a million gifts. I have been cutting back for years and focusing more on Christ than presents, but I still have a ways to go there!
Thank you so much for this blog!
Amy says
Kristin,
Great ideas for posts…I’ll see what I can do as those seasons approach.
Our children do go to the occasional big birthday party and there are sometimes questions about why we can’t do that too. However, we just keep trying to refocus them toward the fun they do have with their siblings and other family members. They also seem to be well aware of how chaotic those big birthday parties seem to be. I think the important thing to remember here is that you will always be exposed to families who do things differently than you choose to do, and the best way to counteract this is to make what you do special for your family. 🙂
Laura Estep says
THANKYOU!! Finally someone who understand *why* I quit doing the crazy bday parties. Even having over *some* friends/family was more stress than I needed, and thats not what I wanted for my bday kid to remember – mama’s meltdown on whatever birthday.
Im so glad I came across your website. Now back to reading more posts 🙂
leah b says
May I ask why you dont do full sleepovers? just curious because we are considering what we will do as the kids get older. I have always been one to throw semi large parties for our DD but low cost because i clearance shop. But the last two years have been ciaos (mainly due to 1 extended member) and I am not sure what we are going to implement for the rest of the kids. I am thinking about a friends party with my friends and their kids because its the only time we all get together but thats more for me then my kids i suppose. SO maybe a play date but an actual party with just family?!
Amy says
Hello! We don’t do full sleepovers because we don’t want our sons and daughters put in the position of being in someone else’s home overnight where there are siblings of the opposite sex. Not only does this keep them from temptation, it keeps them above reproach as well.
Jennifer B says
I am agreeing with you about the nice smaller birthdays with just family. My children would have birthdays with extended family of my husbands side, then another party with my extended family, then a friend party on their day. It just got to be way too much.
Marie says
Most of my older kids have ditched the normal birthday chaos and have a few close friends for a sleepover, but my ‘elementary age’ kids still want goodie bags and loads of friends. With twins, even more chaos…when did you decide to celebrate birthdays in a calm, family oriented way?
Amy says
After my son’s 2nd birthday when the children crowded him out of opening his own presents. He was disoriented and so were we and we realized we didn’t need more stuff and we really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere family provided. 🙂
Diana says
Amy – I really want to say a huge THANK YOU for this article on birthdays. You have given me permission not to feel guilty for not throwing the huge birthdays that our friends usually throw. I find throwing big kids’ birthday parties to be expensive, time-consuming, exhausting, and extremely unpleasant, but I have felt guilty about not wanting to throw them. Now I’m going to embrace smaller birthdays (which I love) without the guilt trip. Thank you!!!!
Amy says
Yay! 🙂
Rachael DeBruin says
I have to admit, I really like my birthday parties! I think because I’m such an outgoing individual…but more and more as my kids are getting older we’ve been scaling back.
In our home we’ve been grouping children’s birthdays together (our fall babies, and our summer babies!) and also having a friend or two for a few of the last birthday celebrations. I really like some of your suggestions and may talk to my hubby about implementing some of them with our family.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Rachael DeBruin says
I have to admit, I really like my birthday parties! I think because I’m such an outgoing individual…but more and more as my kids are getting older we’ve been scaling back.
In our home we’ve been grouping children’s birthdays together (our fall babies, and our summer babies!) and also having a friend or two for a few of the last birthday celebrations. I really like some of your suggestions and may talk to my hubby about implementing some of them with our family.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Amy T says
Hi Amy,
I just found your website a few days ago and it is a gold mine of ideas! I am benefitting from all your research on large families! When our fifth child was born, my husband and I were feeling overwhelmed so I did as much research as I could on large family living. It was very helpful. Now we have seven and I’m still learning! I’m the oldest of six and we adopted what my parents did: birthday parties at 5, 10, and 15. Very easy, inexpensive parties. At age 5, only nearby relatives come for a meal and cake. At 10, they have their first friend party. They have a price limit ($30) and if they want to spend a little more it needs to be approved and come out of their money. At 15, they have their last friend party. This helps especially as two of my girls share a birthday (not twins), so each child can have their own special time every few years. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge. By the way, I bought the Holiday Planner that you recommend and love it! Just what I need to motivate me and keep organized! God bless your beautiful family.
Amy says
Great ideas, Amy! And I am so glad you are enjoying the planner. 🙂
Ashley Ocean says
Love this. We don’t do sleepovers either. I love your idea of “half-sleepovers”!
Elizabeth Jones says
I have a question. Why are there no ‘total overnighters’? What is the reasoning behind that one? Thanks!
Amy says
Typically, in a house there are boys and girls due to siblings being there. This isn’t a situation we want to put our children in, no matter their age. We also don’t necessarily have the same rules as another family, so the only time we do “total overnighters” are when we are together as a family. It’s simply a matter of safety for our children.
Lindsay says
We do nearly the same with our four children’s birthdays. I find it hard to ignor the well intentioned “poor child” comments from others. Twice between when they are born and turn 13 they have a “party” but it is either friends and games or one sleepover. Thank you for your refreshing posts!
Emmie Beth says
This sounds so much like us! We tried birthdays one year (I think when we had 4) and it was just disastrous! Only the oldest has ever had a successful “traditional” birthday party. We decided it was better for all to keep it family and our kids do not mind one bit! We have ten also and they get to choose food, cake, and daily at home activities. I need to add no chores to that list! Thankfully our birthdays are spread (no repeat months for the children) which typically gives us time to breathe!
Thank you for posting this!
Amy says
Yes, exactly – time to breathe! It’s much better for everyone!
Jessica Larson says
Oh my goodness this was just what I needed to read! I’ve been trying to simplify our birthdays and we only have 4 children but my and hubs thoughts on birthdays align with y’alls but they’re still not as simple as I’d like and feeling guilty but this is perfect! I realized that I shouldn’t even feel guilty. Definitely implementing this for next birthday coming up in 11 days!!!
P.S. Do you consider your kids grandparents (yours and hubby’s parents), aunts, uncles, first cousins (yours and hubs siblings and their kids) immediate? Do you invite them I guess is what I’m asking or it really is just the immediate family living in your house? Just curious how you handle that if you don’t mind sharing! 🙂
Amy says
We don’t typically invite grandparents (it’s a bit of a drive for them to get here), but if they happen to be here, it’s nice to have them!