As long as we’ve had kids, we’ve had limitations on how long they can be on the computer. We didn’t have any serious convictions about screen time, but we did have clear cut evidence it wasn’t good for our children.
When our oldest was a preschooler, we noticed that after a while on the computer, his ears would get red. It is a phenomena caused by adrenaline, so we limited his time on the computer. It became blatantly obvious this was the right choice when a few years later, he visited a friend and they played video games nearly all afternoon. He came home sick. He laid on the couch and cried. His ears were red, his face was red, and he was sick to his stomach. After a little rest, he was okay, but we never forgot that afternoon, and the physical manifestations of too much screen time.
Over the years, the limitations have changed as our children have aged. We’ve also taken into account each individual child’s digital needs. But, I must say, given the addictive nature of all things electronic, it has been a constant battle to teach our children balance and boundaries in the digital age.
I’ve been told our computer rules are rather strict – even in homeschooling circles. That said, you have to make decisions based on your family’s unique identity. Some families will allow more because more things in their home revolve around the screen. Some families will have even less than we do because they do not have much need for screen time at all. I’m not here to argue the finer points of giving children computer skills, or at what age they need a cell phone. This post is simply to share OUR guidelines and methods, and offer a few thoughts for consideration.
So, let me start with giving a run down of how much time our children are on the computer and how they are using that time.
Our 17 year old son –
Recently, we gave him full control of his computer time. We feel his computer needs have arrived at a level that he must now learn to manage his time for himself. He has several school subjects that require computer time, and several worthy interests that revolve around the computer as well. He keeps up with the news online, blogs, and does a tremendous amount of research for himself and our family via the internet.
We do have one stipulation for him (and the other children as well) – no games during the week. Saturday is Computer Games Day. The computer is a tool, and should be used as such throughout the week.
Our 14 year old daughter –
She does school and runs a blog, she is also our family photographer and requires time on the computer to edit and download photos. We recently gave her her older brother’s time slot – 1 hour/3x a week. She used to have 1 hour/2x a week.
She has never been one to play games on the computer, so her 1 hour of “game time” on Saturday is made up of time on Pinterest and Instagram.
10 year old daughter –
She has no desire to do anything online, subsequently, she doesn’t have any computer time during the week, and so far, none of her school requires a computer. She’s my Little House on the Prairie child, so I’m not sure she will ever have much of an affinity for the online world. On Saturday, she has 40 minutes of game time, and she chooses to use her time to watch a movie on her choosing.
9 year old son –
He just started asking for computer time during the week. He plans to use it to write a story about a knight and put together a family newsletter. He will get 30 minutes once a week. He has no school work that requires a computer. On Saturday, he gets 40 minutes of game time and uses it to play games with his brothers.
6, 4, & 2 year old sons –
They only play on the computer (or other electronic device) on Saturday for 20 minutes a piece. They tend to sit together and watch each other play, so they are spending everyone’s time in front of a screen as well. We are happy they spend the time together, but we also want to guard against the time they are staring at a screen from being excessive. I’ve also noticed it is very easy for them to become addicted to the screen, begging for more and more of it – every. single. day. (We are working on a way to combat this – I’ll share when we get the results we are looking for 😉 )
We have a few Device Rules as well –
1. No earbuds or headphones. It’s been our experience that anything that shuts off your ears, shuts out others as well. Computer time is a family experience. We also feel it could be potentially dangerous to allow children to shut themselves off from the rest of the family with a device that has access to the internet or has the tendency to encourage escapism. The only time we allow earbuds with devices is when our older two children needing to listen to something audio while working side by side at the computer. We would also potentially allow them if we had a child who was easily distracted.
2. Once you start your time on Game Day, you have to finish it. No splitting up your time. This came about because we had children taking 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there and stringing out their game time all day long. It was nearly impossible for anyone to keep track of. The exception to this is when mom and dad call the child off the computer for another purpose. The timer is stopped and the child is allowed to return where they left off.
3. If you are unkind or disrespectful to anyone in the house while you are using a device, it will be immediately confiscated. One phenomena we have found in our household is that being on a device lends itself to bad attitudes and snapping at others. I think it is because our awareness of the world around us is dulled. We block out a lot until we are suddenly snapped back into reality and realize we are bothered by something someone is doing.
4. Computers stay in a common area. Closed doors and the internet are simply too tempting.
An of course, there are exceptions…
1. French lessons – Our daughter takes French lessons via Skype. During her lessons, she is allowed to be in her bedroom or other private area so as not to be disturbed or disturb others. (You can read more about the website we use to take foreign language lessons via Skype HERE.)
2. Special Night – On each child’s Special Night (which falls on a Tuesday), they are allowed to play games. (You can read more about Special Night HERE.)
3. You can respectfully ask for more time. Quite often, my 14 year old will ask for more time to finish a blog post, edit a photo to send off, or finish one more chapter in the novel she’s writing. 9 times out of 10, if one of the children respectfully asks for a little more time on the computer, we will grant it.
How to keep track of the time children spend on the computer.
Use a Timer
For years, we just used a good old fashioned kitchen timer to keep track of computer time. Have the child who is going to be on the computer check in with you, set the time and keep it in a place where everyone can hear it when it goes off.
We often use our phones to set a timer as well. When you set it, make sure you have it on a sound you can hear well and the volume on your phone is turned up!
Most internet browsers have a timer extension you can download that will appear right in the browser. These are good for older (responsible) children who can set their own time and have the self-control to stop when the timer goes off.
There are also apps that will lock you out of websites once you’ve used up your time on that site; however, I haven’t found those to be real practical.
How to help children learn to manage their own computer time.
From the time your children are very young, they need to be taught balance and moderation. There are several ways you can help them learn to manage and be accountable for the time they spend using an electronic device.
Computer Time Notebook
Keep a small Computer Time Notebook near the computer area and have each child sign in when they get on the computer. From there, they are to immediately set their timer or ask mom or dad or an older sibling to set it for them.
You could even require them to write down what they did during their time on the computer as a further measure of accountability. This would be a good way for them to see where they are spending their time and if they might need to change how much time they are spending on certain sites in order to give them more time on another.
Name Tags/Cards & Hooks
We use old countertop samples that have holes drilled through the top and the children’s names written on them in permanent marker as Computer Cards. (photos will be added later) However, you could use just about anything you can hang on a hook like keychains or one of these tags – just as long as you can personalize them.
It is especially helpful if the tags are different colors so even the youngest of children can know which tag is theirs. (Or you can use a symbol for your younger children.) Write each child’s name (or symbol) on a different color and be sure they know which is theirs.
Put your hooks side by side on a wall or cupboard, and hang the cards/tags on one side. When the child wants to start their computer time, they either come to you to move their name tag over or they move it over themselves and start their time. This has been helpful with my little ones who need something tangible to show them they no longer have any computer time left. They are also learning to make better choices with when they take their time because they don’t want to be done by 9 am with the rest of the day ahead of them and not another chance at computer time. It’s been a win-win situation because they are choosing to do other things to occupy their time and then taking their computer time later in the day.
No matter how you choose to set boundaries on your child’s computer/device time, I still feel it is very important to do so. (I do not agree with this article that says screen time should be unlimited.) There is a time to start letting go and letting your child learn to set boundaries themselves, but that time should come slowly and with great fear and trembling. Your children will more than likely struggle at some point throughout their lives to keep the devices and screen time under control. Setting good examples and limitations now will help them navigate those times when they will have to ratchet back on their own.
What are some of your favorite tips for keeping track of your kids’ computer time? Feel free to share in the comments section!
Other posts you might like:
Weaning from the Screen
How to Get a Mommy Break Without the Help of the Television
Charlotte Moore says
Sounds like a good idea to me. However, our kids are grown and we didn’t have computers when they were home. I see how our grandson stays on there playing too many games.
Alyson says
I am fairly new here and have been soaking up all your wonderful advice and wisdom! I was wondering about the family newsletter that the 9 year old is in charge of. I have a son that age and would love to give him a task like that to occupy his computer time, but what kinds of things go in a family newsletter? I feel silly for asking but I love the thought of it
Amy says
Hi Alyson! He is just writing about what everyone is doing and adding photos or clipart to supplement. His older brother did the same thing when he was that age. It’s not fancy, but they both loved it!
Cecilia says
This is very thought provoking. I’ve just been hearing about screen time being a very bad idea for kids, but my young writers (teens) tell me they can write better on the computer because they can get their ideas out faster. Therefore, they are on it around an hour a day each, I would say. I was also thinking that my own screentime is far above that, what with checking email, paying bills, purchasing items, researching, working my business, and accessing things for our home school. I am wondering, do you set a timer for yourself, and how long would that be? I think my screentime may need drastically reduced.:-/ But there is so much to do that involves the computer or my phone!
Amy says
We live in an online society for sure. I have blocks of time when I am on the computer, and family always trumps computer work. I will make myself notes (on paper 😉 ) and work through the note when I am on the computer. My time is going to be more than the kids because I am ordering things, researching, and blogging, but a very good way to check yourself is if you have trouble concentrating when you are OFF the computer (popcorn brain) or if you are feeling stressed by your children when you are on the computer.
Gwen says
I totally agree with limiting children’s screen time, and I notice a difference in our children’s behaviour if they have had too much. Our almost 14 year old gets half an hour a day to work on his blog or business stuff, his younger sisters much less. I really like your idea of using a notebook and timer to keep them accountable, and I would like to use that idea to move our son towards being self-controlled in this area when he is older. Thank you for sharing this.
Becky Roland says
We don’t have a TV or I-pads, etc but we do have computers. The kids only use the computers for approved tasks. They use them when they are doing school, writing a paper, practicing their typing skills, sending an email to Grandma, or watching a family movie on Friday night. Computers are only used in a common room. We don’t necessarily have time limits as long as they are doing approved tasks on them. We are the weird family that does zero games. If kids have free time I would prefer that they are doing something more creative. I admire your organization. I would have a hard time keeping track of the timers and log books, etc! I would also love to know how your son does research. When my kids need to do research, I pull up all the sites about the subject that they can research from otherwise they would run into inappropriate images. This can be such a big problem with the internet today. I would love to hear your advice on this.
Amy says
Becky,
Blake is 17, and I trust him completely. A few years ago, we started teaching him HOW to search via Google and how to tell from the url at the bottom of the link whether or not it is a good source. I would guide him in his search (exact words to use) and then check the link before he clicked. He has learned how to do that for himself now, so I know I can let him go on a topic and he will use wise discretion.
May says
I noticed that the boys I look after, especially the 9 year old, was developing an attitude problem in relation to screen time. I occasionally bring my laptop along when I pick them up from school, especially if I’ve been studying in the library during the day, and he would get angry when his computer time was up, or try to take over his little brother’s turn.
He’s a sensible, mature child so I talked to him about it. I laid out the things I’d noticed, and he agreed that they were bad things. When given the option between me stopping bringing my computer at all, if he couldn’t control his behaviour, or him learning to stop behaving that way, he said he would learn. And he has! There’s not been a single argument over time limits since, and except when his little brother wants him to join in he doesn’t touch the computer and will even do his allocated chores while waiting for his turn.
It is tricky, as I grew up using a computer (we didn’t have a television at all) and I see a lot of benefits to learning to self-regulate on screen time, but the boys’ mum is much less comfortable with it. She trusts my judgment, but I am trying to find a way to teach them how to be sensible about screens without allowing them more freedom than their parents would be comfortable with. I was very impressed at 9yo’s developing self-control; I would probably struggle myself even as an adult.
Natalie says
I can definitely relate with the younger ones begging for screen time after being over exposed. We try to limit them to 1 movie (1-2 hrs), 1-2 short shows (ie. Magic School Bus, Veggie Tales), and 1 game per week. But usually all of this screen time is done together add a family, and it isn’t guaranteed or tracked-totally dependent on their attitudes that day. At ages 5, 3, 2 we rarely allow individual turns. We’re very careful about picking movies because we’ve seen that every movie we watch and every story we read makes its way into their imaginary play world. My daughter also NEVER bible during a movie, I don’t know how she does it-we often refer to pausing the movie as a blink break.
So, what’s the purpose of the name tag/cards? I didn’t understand that part.
Natalie says
Sorry, autocorrect, my daughter never BLINKS during a movie.
Amy says
They basically “turn in” the cards – it’s a visual for my little ones that their time is OVER.