I was asked by a reader to talk about how I’m managing the world of makeup with my teenage daughter. I will be quite honest, it sort of snuck up on me. She had a friend who wore makeup when she was 13, but all I was comfortable with at that point was lip gloss. I figured it was good for my daughter to stay young as long as she could, and makeup seems to take you straight out of girlhood and into womanhood, so I balked at the notion. I was also looking for signs that my daughter could handle the responsibility of applying makeup, and about the time she turned 15, I felt she had arrived. So, we embarked on a simple and modest makeup routine, that didn’t look fake and was easy for her to apply.
Let me start by explaining exactly what I was looking for in her behavior and demeanor before allowing makeup.
1. Maturity in how she handles herself around others – kind and courteous, thoughtful of others. To me, this would show maturity in her reasoning for wearing makeup – it wasn’t to show off, or to be “prettier” than the other girls, etc.
2. Maturity in her wardrobe – clothes match and looked presentable and well-thought out. If she can choose clothing that is suitable and lovely, then she should also be able to make good makeup choices.
3. Maturity in her motor skills and impulses – careful and focused. She needs a steady hand for applying makeup, and she needs to not be given to rash decisions that could easily affect how she perceives herself and others.
I also wanted her to know that makeup doesn’t make the girl. You can’t “cover up” who you are – it will shine through, and you need to be comfortable in your own skin with or within makeup.
Your requirements may be entirely different, but this was what I was looking for because I felt these things showed a definite progression toward womanhood that deserved the privilege of wearing makeup.
We started off slow. I showed Megan how to apply a few different types of makeup, but she ALWAYS had to ask before putting any on. After about 6 months of asking and showing me that indeed she was responsible with it, she was able to make her own choices about when and what to put on. (Nine times out of ten, she chooses only a small bit of mascara and some lip gloss. Again, this shows me she truly was ready to wear makeup because her choices are very mature and well-thought out.)
I do want to stress how important it is to SHOW your daughter how to wear makeup and not just expect her to understand it from the start. It’s not an easy task, and young girls are often unsure of themselves. I made a video where I was showed Megan all the steps – minus a cleansing routine (more on that in a moment). You can watch that video below:
As for a cleansing routine – this is highly important! If you buy nothing but cheap makeup, please consider buying a really good cleanser and moisturizer that fits your daughter’s skin type. As I say in the video, Meg and I have extremely dry skin, so having great cleansing products on hand keeps our skin hydrated and looking happy and clean.
I have a few resources for you that will help you and your daughter on this makeup journey!
The first one is a simple one-page breakdown of the order of the Simple Makeup Routine you saw in the video.
The second is a free Beauty & Makeup Unit Study.
The third is a coupon code to the Reclaiming Beauty Webinar from the Botkin sisters. This was a fantastic resource Megan and I went through several years ago. I highly recommend it! Use coupon: ARROWS-RB20 for 20% off the Reclaming Beauty study course and/or the print study guide (a hard-copy duplicate of the PDF study guide included with the course).
Rebecca says
Your daughter is a natural, clean all-American beauty. I have raised 2 girls so far (one is 22 and the other is 18) and we chose to do basically the same thing you did…..no makeup except lip gloss for several years and it seemed like around age 15 was when they were ready for more. My oldest daughter does not like a lot of makeup, she is very modest with it and usually goes with less rather than more. My middle daughter LOVES makeup. She loves moisturizers and trying various things and just really enjoys makeup. I think she gets it from me. I have found that the more water I drink the better my skin looks, no matter what kind of moisturizers and soaps I have tried in the past. (I’m 44 and I’m at that stage where I’m trying to find what works best for me and my skin at this point in my life….kind of like a teen trying to find what works best for them as they start out with skin care). Last fall I bought a product called Boots No. 7 and have been enjoying it but I believe after I’ve used it up, I will just start using coconut oil for a while and see what happens. I have combination skin with just about zero break outs. I have an African American friend who uses coconut oil and she easily looks to be in her late 30s (she’s in her late 50s) so that totally sold me. I use a Clinique soap bar and can easily buy a bar and it last 3 or so years. The secret is to never get the bar wet…..wet your hands and rub the bar, then lather your face. If I am wearing foundation that day (I wear foundation maybe twice a week) I simply rinse my face with water to remove it and then use the soap. I don’t use makeup removers. I do use vaseline for the eye makeup and I’m sure there’s better things to use than that but it’s easy and it comes off very easily with no rubbing. I like eye liner and use it only on the top, I’m blonde and pale with very pale lashes and eyebrows and I do color my eyebrows too…..if I don’t my face is totally without depth and flat. My girls are basically the same….all blondes. (My littlest girl is 9 and is not even interested in washing her face so I’m pinning this for future reference because I’m sure I’ll forget a lot of stuff, having so many years between girls). Also when moisturizing…..don’t forget your neck!!! Our necks tell our age and show age much faster than our faces! They also lose muscle tone quickly and it’s especially evident in the cycle of losing weight….my face and neck thin down faster than the rest of me and turkey neck ensues. You could also go to a department store and have someone give you analysis of your skin tone and try face makeup on there….be prepared to say no to the sales pitch but I did go to Sephora several months ago and have a talk about foundation and was able to blend in a few and see what I liked best (which was just to look natural and even-toned). As you can see, I do love to talk about skin and makeup 😉
Josi says
Hi Rebecca. Just an fyi….coconut oil works well as a make-up remover 🙂
Rebecca says
Josi……I used coconut oil last night to take off my eye makeup…..perfect! I’m sold. Thank you. (My daughter is now using coconut oil to take hers off too).
Josi says
And the trophy goes to…..coconut oil, for being good for so many things! Ha! So glad it’s working for you gals.
Amy says
I’ve actually been watching YouTube videos lately trying to learn more about dealing with specific aspects – mainly my tired eyes! It’s been fascinating!
Rebecca says
I had been having a lot of trouble with swollen and puffy eyes. I drink just a little over half a gallon of water a day and notice a huge difference. Very little puffiness.
S.T. says
This was very good and helpful. My daughter just turned 11, but the time is going FAST! Thank you!
Bethany says
She looks beautiful! I wish my mom had done this with me. I snuck make up on before school and looked horrible.
Josi says
I never had my daughters asking for make-up at a young age. In fact, they are 15 & 16 and still don’t really care about it. So, I kind of have the opposite issue…..wishing they would care enough to wear a little lip gloss and maybe some mascara at times. I have one that needs to groom her brows but doesn’t really seem to care. She’s also fine with a ponytail everyday. They both taught themselves to do beautiful braiding but only one daughter is likely to take the time to do it on a regular basis. I have tried to model good hygiene & grooming and daily I wear basic eye make-up and lipstick. I just assumed my daughters would naturally desire this stuff and care more by this age. Any suggestions??
Steph says
My 12 year old just started to straighten her bangs out of the blue…so little by little while hormones kick in..Oh yeah that and perfume! She is taking daily showers this past year (with no more reminders)… So definitely as they mature…they will be more conscious of their appearance. As a mom, I don’t care about make-up, as long as they are cleaning their face before bed, brushing their teeth, showers, etc.
Tara says
My daughter is 8 years old and I’m already having to face the issue of how to explain to her my opinion on young girls wearing make up. She has friends who wear it, although just for fun, not to school. But for me, even wearing it for fun is a slippery slope. I can see her wearing it just for fun, then we need to run an errand to the grocery store. This is particularly tricky because she is purposeful about making sure others know she is not a “baby” and gets upset if she feels like people think she cannot do something because she is too young. I try to be encouraging, letting her know daily that she is beautiful and I love her just as she is. I tell her other families make different choices based on their own family values, and that we don’t follow the crowd, but follow the leading of our Lord. It’s still a difficult situation.
Steph says
I would be careful in who her friends are. Just saying…
Tara says
I am very careful. This particular friend is a daughter of a long-time friend of mine. Since we became friends, I have become a follower of Christ, and I do watch her kids as a way to serve her and her family. Since we do not live in a bubble, we cannot avoid the decisions people make that do not align with our own values. We teach our children our own modesty standards and explain why, but, it’s still a struggle to compete against outside influences.
Nola says
This is interesting to read about, because I myself do not wear make up. I tried it once as a teen and didn’t like it. I also don’t think its necessary. However most of my family members also do not wear make up or wear it only occasionally. I have daughters so I wonder what I will do if and when they decide they want to use it. I certainly don’t know a thing about it! 🙂
JoAnne says
As parents our jobs are to guide our kids through life. And the topic of makeup is just another opportunity to share our ideas and tips.
I just recently started wearing makeup more often to feel like a WOMAN again! lol I have 2 very small kids and I just need something that made me feel confident and sexy and more than just a mom.
And coconut oil is amazing and great for so many things. However, because it is an oil it does leave a residue and can cause your next application of eye makeup to not last very long or run. (just a helpful tip!) -joanne