Today is not an easy day. After nearly a week of people crowded in my house and around me, I feel numb. I am hiding here. I am so lonely for Emmy, but I want to be alone w/ my memories of her. I went and hid in my mother-in-law’s office last night, so I could have a moment alone w/ my thoughts and a pen and paper. Here is what I wrote:
I would not move forward if it meant leaving Emmy behind. I don’t know how anyone can pretend a child never existed, take down their pictures, remove their things.
I have 5 children. I will always have 5 children, until the Lord blesses us again–then, I will have 6. It grieves me, though, to think how others will look at our family and not see Emmy. They won’t know someone is missing. But, she is there…a beautiful, precious piece of her lives on in each member of my family.
I will not pretend I have 4 children. I will not pretend my Emmy-girl never existed. Anyone who asks about our family will come to know her name, her story, her testimony.
No, I do not leave her behind and “move on”, I move forward, with all 5 children–one running a bit ahead…just out of sight.