Years ago, a Sunday School teacher told me I was depriving my son by not pretending there was an Easter bunny. It was a painfully strange conversation, and I ended up having to explain to my son that not everyone knew that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus were really their parents, and it wasn’t his job to tell them so.
It’s not that I’m a bunny-hater or that I even really care if you tell your kids that a fat man in a red suit brings their Christmas presents. We just chose to avoid these holiday “extras”. Frankly, I don’t have the time and energy to make up stories and then follow through with the production it takes to perpetuate those stories. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are too much work, and we haven’t found them to add anything to the celebrations of the season.
But, what about the Tooth Fairy?
She’s not a holiday icon. She makes losing teeth fun, and surely I would allow my children this one little pleasure in life?
Nope. In the Roberts household, teeth falling out of your head on their own does not garner you a pay day.
Sorry kids.
Work hard – Work cheerfully – Go above and beyond – those things will reap rewards. Natural phenomena do not.
I know we sound like we don’t have any fun, but truth be told, we don’t need a fairy who collects teeth to have fun around here. My children have fun memories, just like you and I have fun memories. Just because they are not the same memories doesn’t mean they are somehow not as fun. I’m not depriving my child if I choose to avoid Halloween, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. These aren’t essentials to a happy childhood, and I refuse to feel guilty for not populating my children’s lives with make believe people. Parenting from guilt is way too prevalent these days, and it’s not doing our children any good to have parents who second guess every decision they make based on how it might make their children “feel”. I want to be the kind of mom who nurtures and mothers and enjoys her children without a lot of extras.
Now, perhaps you are wondering what my children do with their teeth…
They collect them in jars.
…and sometimes, I think having a tooth fairy who takes the teeth and disposes of them would have been rather convenient. 😉
Islandsundays says
In our house we have a tooth possum, because my oldest lost her first tooth when we were in Australia. The kids know it is just pretend, no fudging of the lines of what is really true thank you very much, and they sometimes have to remind the ‘tooth possum’ to remember to fetch their tooth, or lend him some cash! I think they think it is funny and we have lots of fun with it.
Of course, a valid option to skip it all together! Better than saying God is real, the tooth fairy is real, Santa is real, the Easter bunny is real, if you know what I mean.
Amy says
Tooth Possum! That makes me giggle!
Charlotte Moore says
AMEN!!!!! We never taught our boys this either. My husband worked with a man that said his son ask him about GOD. He said is this some more of the lies you told me about santa claus????
Sasha says
Yes! I’m so glad to read this. I have to admit it took us some time to come around to this way of thinking. My husband and I were both raised with the holiday icons (and tooth fairy). Our first three had Santa and the tooth fairy for the first few years (we never did the Easter Bunny)… now, however they have all disappeared and surprisingly, all the kids are fine with it!
Stephanie says
Thank you! Yes we don’t give gifts for natural phenomena. And I’m shocked at what I see some people give as gifts from the tooth fairy. I think the mentality of always getting gifts just sets our kids up for being upset as adults when they don’t get something they think they deserve. I wonder sometimes how some kids are going to function as adults when they aren’t treated so “special”
Amy says
I actually think we are already seeing the “fruit” of this way of thinking. I’m all for having fun and creating family traditions, but our society seems awfully fixated on getting something for nothing.
Angela says
If it helps, I collected all my teeth in a little jar, then when presented with my wisdom teeth to add to the collection the whole lot went in the garbage. My sister disposed of hers as she was packing up before her marriage. Children grow out of it…eventually.
Jillian says
Same here, only we give them money. I make a big show of “inspecting” their tooth to see what it’s worth. ???? Even still, we’ve been accused of sucking the joy out of their childhood too. They seem pretty happy to me!
Kim Fox says
Totally agree with all the Holiday mumbo, except we only keep the teeth for a month or so in a bag and then throw them away.
Grace says
Yes, all these dilemmas. We also don’t do Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy either. We did see, however, that probably one of the reasons why the Tooth Fairy was invented was to help kids feel a little less fear about loosing a tooth? Makes a little bit of sense. We decided to have a little fun around this tooth thing, and we’ve been having “tooth parties” with our kids (who are now 6 and 8). When they loose a tooth, we celebrate this with a “tooth party” where we go out to dinner and the tooth loser gets to choose the place. It’s usually on the level of McDonalds. So anyway, my kids really don’t fear losing their teeth and actually look forward to them coming out. Teeth that wiggle for a long period of time build up a lot of fun anticipation, and it’s a fun family celebration when the tooth finally comes out. It’s become a great family tradition, and since we don’t go out to eat much, it’s an especially fun way of going out. (And oh, for the very first tooth that fell out for each of our boys, they got to go to the supermarket and pick out their own toothpaste and toothbrush. I got that idea from one of the mommy bloggers out there, and it went over very well!)
Thanks for sharing your family and how you all do things. We learn so much from your family and all your experiences. It’s a great blessing!
Amy says
Great ideas!
Renee Baker says
I have been following your blog for some time now and I have always found your posts encouraging. Thank you for posting about this. While reading your post, it was like I wrote it….meaning, that’s EXACTLY how I feel about all the fluff. It is so hard breaking away from tradition. We got a lot of flack and still do, even from our church family, about this. I started out doing Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy with my 2 older kids. When you find yourself telling lie after lie to keep Santa, etc. real….something is wrong. I agree with someone else who left a comment, if you work so hard at lying, why would your children take your word about who Christ is? It’s sad that we have to tell our children not to tell others the truth about these characters. Some people look at it as a “game”, and that’s fine. I’m not standing in judgement, it’s just not a game I want to play. Thanks again for the post.
Alma Mater says
en you find yourself telling lie after lie to keep Santa, etc. real….something is wrong
Yes! Exactly this.
We did Santa the first year we were parents, when my eldest was just 6 months old. But after that, it seemed like lying to him, because… well, it is! So we haven’t done it since. Last year, my 5-year-old wanted to “pretend” Santa was real. My 7-year-old agreed. So we hung up stockings, and we pretended. Just like they pretend “Narnia” in the backyard, or act out scenes from our history lessons. It was fun, but nobody is being lied to, and nobody thinks it’s real.
Audrey Vieira says
My 5 year old has known from early on that Santa and the Easter Bunny are just characters (like Mickey mouse). She knows the presents she gets are from myself or other family members. And she gets just as much excitement rattling of her wish list to me as kids who write to “Santa” do. I have allowed her to get her picture taken with both when they’re in the stores around the holidays, and will do so as long as she remains interested in it. I figure, given the chance, she’d love to have a picture with any character from cartons, so this isn’t much different.
I’ve been on the fence regarding the tooth fairy. The biggest reason I chose to not let my daughter believe Santa and the Easter Bunny are real is, she has to find out sometime. I’ve seen lots absolutely devastated to find out Santa or the Easter Bunny aren’t real. But with the tooth fairy, by the time she’s too old to believe it’s real, it won’t affect her (ie, she should be pretty close to done losing teeth). Reading some of the comments, I am inclined to like alternative ideas like having a party or giving money after inspecting the tooth to determine its “worth”. Definitely something to ponder while I’ve still got time to think about it (her bottom middle teeth are starting to get lose, her dentist is convinced she’ll lose one or both soon).
Dani says
Given the prevalence of child molesters and men who look at child porn. Having a child sit on Santa’s of the Easter bunny’s lap would be out of the question.
This past Christmas a stor Santa was fired after his backlands came back. He had a record of downloading kiddie porn, and a felony of molesting kids.
Julie says
I applaud either end of the spectrum, as long as it is not taken too seriously and does not interfere with the true meaning of the holidays 🙂 Because both my husband and I were raised with these traditions, it seemed “normal” to us to continue with them after our children were born. Sometimes I read things like this, begin to panic, and think, “Oh no, a parent-fail on our part, we shouldn’t have done these traditions..” Then, I stop and think that it might just be like comparing home school curriculum or the like…comparing is an evil habit I need to rid myself of! Different things work for different families, and still can produce fruit that is not bruised despite their journey or different path. As long as the path was filled with what we know to be the righteous one, which for us, is our trust in Jesus, we can rest in peace. Our children are almost grown now, in their teens, and are fully aware of what Christmas and Easter symbolize. I am wondering what would cause a child to be angry as a young adult, seeing these seemingly normal traditions that many of us were raised with as “lies” and not as simply early childhood make-believe and pretend or fairy tale type of “fantasy. Our children somehow always knew that these traditions were part of an early make-believe type of fun, such as dress-up or super hero icons. Looking back, I can see that the most important thing to ask yourself is, “Are we staying true to what we believe as a family, sharing fun memories, and having fun doing it?” IF you can do or say that, then you have raised your children in a healthy environment, and they should not grow up to be angry or resentful. I just felt the need to reaffirm this after reading a couple of comment thus far. Thank you for sharing Amy. It is refreshing to see you raise your children in confidence and with humbleness and grace!
mreeanne says
We taught our kids that those are fun stories that people like to pretend are real.
My husband’s parents went all out with Santa; he was crushed when he found out they lied. My son was about three when a lady asked him what Santa was getting him. He looked at her and replied, “nothing.” She was shocked and stuttered, “I’m sure you were a good boy.”
Although we give Easter baskets I never knew of anyone who acted like the Easter Bunny was real. That is until I was teaching Sunday School one Easter. After the kids watched a movie about Jesus’ Resurrection one boy asked, “So, where does the Easter Bunny fit in?” To which I replied, “He doesn’t. It’s made up.” Boy, was that mom mad at me.
My kids love getting dress up clothes for Halloween. We sometimes go to a church harvest festival or some similar event and we sometimes pass out candy with an invitation to church for the parents. However, the whole idea of trick or treating doesn’t make sense. All year we teach kids not to take candy from strangers, yet this one night a year they are to demand it and make threats if they don’t get any.
If I were to teach them that the tooth fairy breaks into their room while they sleep, I might as well teach them that the monster under the bed is real too.
Dani says
No Halloween in our house either. After reading the true roots of Halloween (and I’m not talking about paganism), I said I would never allow my children to participate in ANY Haloween. No harvest parties, no trick or treating (and even trunk or treat) and no dress up.
Hillary says
Thank you for this! My husband and I don’t encourage those characters either and that’s how we refer to them, at least Santa and the Easter Bunny. We get weird looks and how-could-you-deprive-them looks. Anyone who has spent any time with our kids knows they’re not deprived of fun or special childhood moments. Keeping up appearances for all that is expensive and exhausting. We do have to teach our five year old not to go and ruin it for someone who does out of respect. She told another little girl yesterday that the tooth fairy isn’t real. That’s one of our lessons this week. ?
Kim says
I Love it, “populating children’s lives with make believe people”. I read this article with one of my teens and she said that when she heard about beings sneaking down chimneys and into bedrooms when your sleeping she found the whole idea rather creepy when young. Maybe a little too much “stranger danger” teachings going on around the same time.
Karyn says
We celebrate the real Saint Nicholas on his feast day and I give them small gifts in his honor but they know they’re from me. We don’t “do” Santa Claus, the bunny, or the fairy. I don’t really understand the point of them; the holidays are magical enough as they are? I also want them to know that whatever I tell them is the truth, as best as I know it. I don’t want to them to wonder if I made up Santa Claus, am I making up Noah and the Ark, etc..
Amy Sparks says
Amen!
Jackalyn Halmayr says
I have to say we do tooth fairy at our house. I did it as a kid and it just happened when my daughter lost her first tooth. But I will say it’s not this huge production where we sprinkle glitter everywhere, with note from the personal tooth fairy and $20 in a hand stitched tooth fairy pouch. We do $1 in the tooth pillow. $2 for the first tooth. We don’t do Santa or easter bunny or creepy elves (who actually likes that guy?). I like that my daughter (who tends to be far too serious and grown up) likes a silly fairy. This was the same girl who in kindergarten told a kid that Santa was just make believe and made him cry. We tend for simpler holidays, we don’t do huge gifts all the time and we enjoy spreading the Jesus side of the story and not focusing so much on ourselves and presents. I prayed very hard about the tooth fairy when my son had his first loose tooth, because I have grown a lot since my daughter was little and try to make good choices with what I’m showing my kids. It was decided in my home that the tooth fairy would stay, but we weren’t going to make it an extreme thing. I’m curious though Amy, do you do anything besides keep the teeth? Any special celebration for the toothless kid?
Amy says
No, we actually don’t do anything for the toothless kid. We hip hip hooray for them, but we celebrate A LOT of things here, and it just didn’t seem necessary to celebrate every tooth too.
Carla Nagel says
My sister’s sister-in-law, when she finally told her boys that Santa Clause wasn’t real, was heartbroken when one responded, “What else have you lied to me about, Mom? Is Jesus real?”
As for the tooth fairy, that was one of our “fun” memories. We all knew it was Mom, but none of us could EVER catch her in the act.
Jennifer Capes says
It’s wonderful to hear of another no fun-having family! We started off doing Santa, the tooth fairy, Halloween, but never the Easter bunny for some reason. Then one year we came clean & asked for forgiveness. The kids were blown away that we could pull that off! We still give a $1 a tooth, we no longer do gifts for Christmas (that’s a story for another time). Tomorrow our kids will participate in our town’s “Kiddie Day Parade” They will get to dress-up, walk down main street, get a doughnut & a coke all before 11 am! Lol. There are even prizes given to some. Sorry to disappoint, by there are no poorly adjusted, joyless or toyless kids in this family despite all that we don’t do.
Scotty Wilson says
Scotty Wilson Then you are depriving your child & yourself of awaking their imagination ~ To believe in things that are not real ~ You think these things are harmful after all this time . Have you ever played in a tree & pretended it was a space ship ~ Or a pirate ship ~ How do these people that can write beautiful books of other worlds & places in not awaking their imaginations at some point ~ Have you never seen the wonder in a child’s eye talking about Christmas & watching the Christmas specials with them ~ Sneaking in their room to try & find that tooth in my day it was a dime. We actually spent more time outside playing & using our imaginations ~ We made things in star trek become real in my life time ~ I watched a Saturn 5 3 stage rocket put a man on the moon ~ How will you incite your child to dream beyond imagination ~ Sometimes dreams come true.
Amy says
Oh, my children pretend A LOT. That’s not really the issue. Pretending and perpetuating a fictional character aren’t the same thing in my mind.
May says
I spent my entire childhood imagining things, and loved it (still do!). I was devastated when I discovered the tooth fairy wasn’t real. The difference between imagining and make-believe, where the child is “in on the joke” so to speak, and lying about the existence of some magical being, is quite significant. Children are literal, trusting beings and can very easily tell the difference between real and pretend, as long as they’re not being systematically lied to.
I like the idea of explaining that it’s just a story, and coming up with a special family approach. Celebrating St Nicholas, or doing an Easter egg hunt without the frankly confusing idea that the eggs were laid by some giant mutant rabbit, or anything else that makes sense to the family but isn’t actually dishonest.
Angie says
GREAT POST! It took us a while to break out of that cultural hold that caused us to think that our kids would be so deprived without believing in Santa, the bunny and the fairy. We stopped pretending that these magical beings were real after my husband and I had a discussion about how I thought of Santa when I was a kid. I pretty much thought he was a god- I would literally pray to him(sad). But that also made telling our children the truth a teachable moment. Now, we like you we are honest with our kids but we do still kind of play Santa or tooth fairy just for fun, but we just don’t make a huge deal out of it. We also tell them that if other kids believe Santa is real, it isn’t their job to inform them different, their parents should be the ones to do that someday. God Bless!
Heather says
In our family, we pretend about Santa and the tooth fairy, but we never imply that it’s real in any way- that would be lying. And we always emphasize the true meaning of Christmas. I’ve definitely had to make sure our kids don’t “ruin” it for others! I think I’d probably do away with the tooth fairy if it weren’t for the fact that my poor kids have had to have so many baby teeth painfully extracted at the dentist. After that, I feel like the prize the morning after helps!
Kim says
I agree… Our family’s gave us a hard time about all of this for years. My kids range from 26 to 7. They are happy, fun loving, caring young people. They are not deprived at all. I have even ask them if they thought they missed out on anything concerning this topic. They just laughed. We didn’t what them to think God, Jesus or the bible was just make believe. Our motto is if the world is all for it, something must be wrong about it. Love your blog Amy
Nola says
We don’t do the Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter bunny etc. either. I grew up with those things and was very, very upset when I found out that they were not real. Especially Santa. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home so I didn’t have questions about God related to those things. But I was broken hearted that they were not real and I did say that my parents lied to me. So when I had children, I did not want to do these things. However with the Tooth Fairy my husband grew up with his Dad acting as Tooth Fairy (and everyone KNEW it was their Dad) but they put their tooth under their pillow, and in the morning it was replaced with a small coin. So he wanted to do that, too, so that is what we do. However the kids were told its the “Tooth Daddy” and they get 25 cents. The fun in it is seeing if Tooth Daddy will remember (sometimes he doesn’t) and seeing if they can sleep through the process of getting the tooth out of under their pillow! So its just fun and no pretending that its really something else. The funny thing is that our kids were so sad that their tooth was gone…so Tooth Daddy got it out and gave it back to them…and they keep them in a box in their room. Oh well, it doesn’t take up much room.
Amy says
Awww, what a sweet story!
amy says
so funny that you would post this now! i keep telling you……. anyway, S lost her first tooth the day we got back from our trip. daddy tried to get her into the tooth fairy, but she nipped that in the bud 🙂 our kids know better. we have a tooth jar, as well (for now). another one is loose, so we’ll see where this takes us!
Amy says
I think someone should create a tooth box for those of us who have children intent on keeping their teeth!
Heather says
We don’t do Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or anything else of that sort. However I do pay my children when they loose a tooth. I have 9 children and we have paid them a dollar ever since I can remember. But I get a reward in turn…If you want the dollar, you have to throw the tooth away! I have had some hesitate, but they always end up choosing the money. It has been worth it to me!
Amy says
LOL – That’s what I should have done!
Elizabeth says
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this post today. My husband and I have never done Santa or the Easter Bunny because our celebrations of Christmas and Easter are focused on Christ and Christ alone. The problem came when our oldest got his first loose tooth a few weeks ago (still hasn’t fallen out), and we realized we hadn’t decided on the Tooth Fairy. With “Christmas and Easter should focus on Jesus” being the sole basis for our other choice, we didn’t have much footing for a Tooth Fairy decision. This post and the comments have given me a lot to consider before my husband and I have a chance to discuss it tonight. Thank you!
Bethany Cox says
Love this post! I too am not fond of society’s guilt-trips. We don’t do Halloween, so why glorify fairies?? I don’t want to raise my kids with mixed messages. YET – with the first loose tooth today, I have decided to let him put the tooth under his pillow, swap it for an apple (at his request), and teach him about God’s heavenly angels who guard over him while he sleeps and care for his every bone and muscle, at the command of his Heavenly Father. Sounds much more edifying. 🙂
Thanks for the validation!
Reggie says
We do play tooth fairy, the same way my mom did. Kiddos know it’s mom and we put a fun spin on it. If they catch me in the act of switching the tooth for a treat, they get DOUBLE! They love this and it takes the sentiment of all those adorable baby teeth hitting the trash more bearable. Technically it’s not actual tooth fairy, but it’s really a lot of fun, especially for me! Six kids, approximately 20 lost teeth, and I’ve only been caught once!!!