“All he has to do is take out the trash, Mom! Can you believe that?! And he whines about it. That’s terrible. What would he do if he lived here?!”
I nod my head, a knowing smile on my lips.
I was that kid who only had to take out the trash (with an occasional dusting session here and there whenever I was home on a Saturday).
I was that kid who whined and complained about work…any work.
I grew up and realized that life is work and you either embrace it or you live your whole life complaining about it.
I want better for my kids.
Do I expect them to LOVE chores? NO. It wouldn’t be “work” if it was easy and fun and their favorite thing to do.
What I expect is for them to learn exactly what it takes to run a household. I want them to be contributing members of the household. I want to raise responsible children who are blessings rather than cursings to their family.
But, how do you do this? So many families I talk with are at a loss. They don’t know where to start with getting their children to pitch in. The fit-throwing sessions they get every time they ask for help end up leaving them feeling like it is just easier to do it themselves. They are already exhausted…why add a full-blown argument to the mix?
This is where one little word comes in to save the day…
You cannot just ask for help here and there and expect your children not to balk. However, if there is a consistent chore schedule with a consistent knowledge of what to expect, then you set a standard in your household that minimizes the struggles (notice I said minimizes…not ends…once again, does anyone really like to work?).
So, practically speaking, how do you achieve consistency when it comes to chores and children?
1. Determine the chores that are within your child’s domain.
Things like the playroom and their bedroom fit into this category. If you homeschool, their crates and/or desks and/or backpacks also belong here (you probably have these things if they are not homeschooled too). Any extra-curricular paraphernalia also fit within your child’s domain. Anything in the house that directly belongs to your child is in this category.
2. Determine the chores you need help with and assign accordingly.
Repeat after me…
I do not have to clean up everyone’s messes all by myself.
In my opinion, this is THE #1 way to teach responsibility (something seriously lacking in our world today). Not only is the child responsible for his own domain, but he is also responsible for pitching in to keep clean the areas he occupies throughout the day. He is not an island unto himself. His actions (and inactions) affect others.
Consider all the chores you do on a regular basis. For me, these are things like dusting, sweeping and mopping, cleaning bathrooms, laundry, dishes, yardwork, etc.
Now, think about them in bite-sized pieces. For instance, Tuesday is Floor Day here. I vacuum all carpets. My oldest son (age 11) sweeps & mops the kitchen and dining room and sweeps the storage areas. My oldest daughter (age 8) sweeps & mops the entryway and the downstairs bathroom and sweeps the front porch. My 5 year old daughter sweeps the back porch (cuz it’s ok if the back porch isn’t um…perfect…lol). The larger chore of sweeping and mopping is divided up in sections between many capable hands lightening my load and making the task go very quickly.
3. Type up a list and post it.
DO NOT get wordy here. Just type the general idea and get it posted in plain sight. Otherwise you will overwhelm the children and frighten them away.
My list is arranged something like this:
MONDAY:
Child’s name – chore, chore, chore
Child’s name – chore, chore, chore
Child’s name – chore
TUESDAY:
Child’s name – chore, chore, chore
Child’s name – chore, chore, chore
Child’s name – chore,
you get the idea…
(to read more about our daily chores, read THIS POST)
4. Plan the Work and Work the Plan.
Figure out a time of day that is good for you as a family to do chores. For us, it is first thing after breakfast. Mama, the visual one…if you remember, needs a clean home to do school in. It’s a clean slate for us to start with. After that, I don’t really care how messy it gets…just start me out uncluttered, please!
Once you have a time of day set…just do it! It may take several times to get them used to choring, but work right alongside them, teach them how to do their particular chore, set a timer as motivation, encourage and talk and laugh.
And don’t be afraid to identify what you are doing as WORK. You can fool a preschooler into thinking cleaning mirrors is fun, but that will never fly with your pre-teen.
Work may not be fun, but it can be rewarding if done well. Encourage your child to take pride in a job well done as unto the Lord. Reward them occasionally for cheerfully going about their work. Praise them for helping out the family. Show them you value them enough to instill the solid and lasting character traits of responsibility, industry, and diligence.
Consistent chores for children foster lasting results. Don’t be afraid to step in right where you are. You won’t regret it!
For an amazing resource on the subject of work, read:
Anna says
One thing that wasn’t obvious to me, and is never mentioned in articles like this is that I do need to follow along and assist when appropriate.
To me, coming from zilch, I thought it was demand everything and nothing less. But what I’ve found is that if I can pitch in as the room gets out of control*, it’s more manageable in the long run, and more merciful to my little ones.
So yes. Right now I am cleaning up the kids’ rooms, a little bit at bedtime. I hope that creates a desire for clean space and makes it more manageable to tackle when there is a particular mess to tackle. It’s not really fair to let them dump out a sea of toys and then force them to take 5 hours to clean it up.
*Keeping in mind that some of us haven’t started these habits yet. Because I know a house shouldn’t get out of control in the first place. But as these lessons are learned, there are bumps along the road.
Heart2Heart says
Amy,
I have found that posting them where the kids can view them everyday helps, its reminding them to pick up after themselves that continues to be a huge struggle here.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
mary bailey says
This is a great post, Amy. I have to laugh b/c yesterday I was talking on the phone to my brother and he said he struggled with housework. He said, “I have to realize I’m a bachelor and no one is going to do it for me.” Funny because when we were kids *I* was the one who did it for him! He never once cleaned the bathroom we shared—Mom made me do it!
I found you via Crystal @ MoneySavingMom and I just wanted you to know your comment about selecting rocks as gifts for your son really touched me. My son loves rocks and has a big collection. He likes simple things like that, too.
Blessings to you!
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Julie,
I’m so glad you spoke up! I considered addressing this in the post, but then decided against it b/c I couldn’t get it to fit in there the way I would have liked.
I would recommend either a “Cleaning Hour” (much like the Home Blessing) once or twice a week on a weeknight or a Saturday marathon clean (I just can’t spare my Saturdays for such things 😉 )
Still divide up your chores, still require they care for their “domain” every day (ie. school stuff, laundry, beds made, etc), still post the list, just make it a once or twice a week thing rather than an every day.
Also, a bed can be made in seconds…no reason they can’t do it b/f they leave their rooms in the morning. 😉
Does that help? Feel free to ask any other questions!
Amy
mamabear says
Great post! One of the additional reasons I like the children to do chores is that too much idle time gets them into trouble–especially in the winter when they don’t get as much exercise in snowy Ohio. I have a rather hyperactive crew–even baby at 11 months!
I do cheat though and use a token behavior system, with play dollars that can be turned into real dimes at the end of the week. Even if one is philosophically opposed to “paying” them for what is expected, it does at least give them incentive when you first start your chore system. It also helps them see that harder work brings bigger rewards (usually). i.e. They get an additional dollar for a bed that is very carefully made (trucks on comforter are facing the right way, and it is fairly even on both sides).
I appreciate the time and effort you put into your posts! You encourage us to fight the good fight, even in the face of exhaustion.
Vicki says
Sometime after #5 I realized that I couldnt do it all..ever! So I enlisted the mess makers to clean up their mess. LOL….
@Julie… I have a great Titus 2 in my life who public schools her kids and she has given them each a room to clean when they are home. They vaccum, dust, straighten that room.. There are only two so its the Kitchen and the Living room. And they are responsible for cleaning thier room as well. That leaves her free to accomplish more detailed tasks. Just a thought.
Chaotic Beauty says
Thank you for this great reminder and encouragement! So often it seems overwhelming! My biggest struggle is remembering to “let them” do it and not go back behind them! Yes there may be some wrinkles in the bed made by my lovely children but that is to be expected for their age! Thanks again for the new ideas for me to try!
Julie says
I would LOVE to get my kids more involved in helping around the house. My problem is this…they go to school (husbands decision and that won’t change) and I’m a SAHM. I’m home so I make the beds, do the laundry, dust, mop etc while they are at school. If everything is done, how do I set up a chores list?
Yes, they make their beds on the weekends, they put away laundry if they are home when I do it, and I have them tidy up their rooms at the end of the day. But a set chores list? I’d love one, but have no clue where to start.
Annie says
This is a very great post! What a resource – I am definitely coming back for more wisdom. My daughter is only 2, but I am trying to teach her young how to contribute around the house 🙂
*Mirage* says
How old do you start them doing chores and what kind do you have them do?
Chicklet just turned 3 and she washes the table, puts her dirty dishes in the sink, and unloads the silverware baskets from the dishwasher. She also does little errands for me like throws away the diapers when I change Bug and helps me feed Bug. I’m not sure if this is appropriate for a 3 year old or not enough or too much, or if it depends on the kid or what.
LibbyLibbyLibbyLibbyLibby says
With my 4 year old, its still fun but I imagine in the next year or so, she will stop asking to ‘help’. The other day she washed my windows with a great big paintbrush. I have to admit they looked great. 🙂
This post has spurred me into realizing my days of happy help will probably end and I need to begin doing the ‘consistent’ thing…the chore list or something similar. Thanks for the boost!
Mrs. and Mama K says
our little girl likes to put the silverware away and help out with whatever else we let her. as it feels like she’s getting in the way and making it take longer i have to constantly remind myself to encourage her helpful behavior, not quench it…
Angela says
This is good! Thanks!
SunflowerMom says
Amy I really struggle in this area! I grew up one of 3 girls and we did our fair share and then some of chores. My husband grew up one of 2 boys and really only helped his dad with outside work. I really want my children to help in and out of the home and work together as a family to get things done! My husband is not on that page with me. He thinks we should do the bulk of the work and the kids can help as little as needed.
Granted my oldest is just 7, but I think it’s a good time to get the foundation started. I need to get my husband there too.
Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife says
During my last pregnancy, my husband forced me to have the kids help more. He helped train them and said I better take advantage of it! I’m so glad I did. We have a pretty good system now and when they are with nanas and papas, I am at a loss without my “servants” around to help me! Great post!
Mrs. Incredible says
I remember having my sisters and I having a room to clean. My mom made a list of things that had to be done in that room and posted it somewhere hidden in the room. Example, the bathroom and hall was one room so posted on the inside of the cabinet under the sink was a list of things to do there. My sisters and I rotated the rooms each week. We were also responsible for our things and our rooms. This worked for kids of a close age but I have younger ones that are not quite old enough to take on cleaning a whole bathroom.
Thank you for your ideas and reminders that even my kids can clean.
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Excellent idea Mrs. Incredible!
Grace Wheeler says
“I do not have to clean up everyone’s messes all by myself.”
Love that! Repeated to myself and imprinting it my brain now.
.-= Grace Wheeler´s last blog ..Cue The Drumroll Please… =-.
Carla says
Love reading your real life examples of how to help kids help around the house! What is the verse that says “do as unto the Lord”? I want to use it with my children. Thanks!
Beth says
I just wanted to say thank you for your post, and taking time to write it! My husband just recently has become disabled and now we (our two children and the two of us) Share chores, it is nice to have a clean house. I bought some poster board a while back, and cut it in half. One side had our house rules on it,( respect others space and wishes, no hitting, keep hands and feed to yourselves, yelling, do unto others, etc. There are ten rules. The other side we put chores on it for the children, and I used plastic wrap to cover the bottom and made a check list of the the chores and keep track that way, we use a dry erase pen and wipe it off at the beginning of the week. We keep track of the good, and the bad, attitudes, back talking, listening, sharing etc. We do try to turn things into games for the kids, or learning experiences for them. I am less stressed out, and the kids are learning responsibility! I like both! Thank you again for your post!
Amy says
You are very welcome, Beth. 🙂
Judy says
This sounds a lot like what we do (with the exception of the weekly chores- we call them “Saturday Chores”) 😉 It is the CONSISTENCY part I struggle with. One little thing like loss of sleep or Daddy’s schedule changing can blow the whole day. Point being, it looks so great on paper! Application (consistency) is a different story!
I have recently became one of your followers, your site is a tremendous blessing!
Amy says
Judy,
Welcome! I’ll be honest…there are weeks that not everything gets done and sometimes we catch up and sometimes I tell myself…next week. 😉 But, it’s a guide and it’s a goal and even when we fail miserably, we still have that goal ahead of us to spur us on! 🙂