It's Not About Me

There are times in your life when the Lord knocks you upside the head with a revelation and conviction so strong, you cannot ignore it. A burden on your heart so deep you are forced to face your sin head on and deal with it.

Today, I faced two such revelations. Both were tipped off by things I heard at church.

I was talking to Lynnette Kraft about her booksigning this past Saturday and the awesome testimony that had come from her little Anna’s life and death. As she was speaking about how it was not about her and never has been, I realized there are times when I feel as though this grief I endure and the many blessings that have come from it are about me. I think that somehow I can say just the right thing or write the perfect blog entry so that *I* can touch lives instead of asking the Lord to use me so *HE* can touch lives.

I have been amazed by how my article, “The Me Time Myth” has touched so many lives. I was beginning to feel like *I* had done something to bring this about. Today, I was reminded that I prayed over that article and asked the Lord to use it. THAT is why it has done so well. Not of my doing. Not because I wrote a great article. Not because I put together just the right words in just the right way. The only thing I did was to allow the Lord to use me.

I was deeply saddened by this revelation. How did I get to the point where I had allowed so much “self” in that I had pushed the Lord out of the equation? I have to remind myself daily that I am a servant of the Lord most high. I have to be prepared every single moment of the day to be used by God for HIS purposes, not MINE! It’s important that I keep myself out of the way, so my motives are pure and my heart is ready to do His will.

I’ve always struggled with thinking I had the strength within me to do things. I didn’t want to be needy. However, for a whole year now, I’ve been very needy. So incredibly needy that the grace and mercy of the Lord has been made apparent at every turn. There could be no denying the Lord’s hand in my life. Because of this fact, my heart was much softer and ready to be used by the Lord than before my child’s death. However, as I’ve passed the year milestone and felt myself pulling out of this needy stage, I must have begun depending on myself too much again and believing I had it within me to say the right things without consulting the Lord first. Thankfully, the Lord brought this to my attention early on. What could have happened had I begun giving advice and spouting “words of wisdom” that were of my own concocting and not what the Lord would have me say (no matter how profound I may have managed to get them to sound). The Lord does not bless that sort of behavior.

The second revelation is an offshoot of the first and came from the sermon we had today on salt and light. I found myself thinking on this in context of an event that happened Saturday night. I heard a man speak about climbing Mount Everest and the spiritual feelings he experienced while on the mountain. He made the comment that he did not subscribe to any religion, but felt very close to God on that mountain. Romans 1 talks about how a knowledge of God is within us and how creation speaks of that knowledge. It was obvious to me that what he felt and attributed to a Buddhist influence was actually the presence of our Lord, the one TRUE God. When he said he did not subscribe to any certain belief system, I wanted to ask him why not. But, I held my tongue. There were other opportunites as well where I could have spoken out, not confrontationally, but just in a friendly discussion sort of way. Yet, I chose to remain silent and for that I am sorry. Was I ashamed of the gospel of Christ? Was I so concerned about stepping on toes that I didn’t take a step at all? That opportunity is forever lost.

This morning as I returned to finish this post, I stopped briefly at my email to try to whittle away a few more. A friend and fellow homeschool mom had sent me a Mark Cahill e-newsletter with the following clip attached to it. The words this famous atheist speaks are powerful! Please take a moment to watch…

[This clip has since disappeared]

Did I hate this man who spoke of the beauty and supernatural qualities of a mountain? Did I hate this man who does not “subscribe” to any sort of religion? Of course not! But, my actions (or rather, lack of actions) suggests I do.

We are to be salt and light, preservation and guidance, bearers of truth. It’s not about how comfortable I want to be or how profound I think my words must be. It’s about allowing the Lord to use me in every life moment I experience. It is being so focused on Christ I cannot help but overflow with His words and His love. It’s not about me at all.

€œAnd He saith unto them, €˜Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.€™€
Mark 16:15