A Wise Woman BUILDS Her Home

What does it mean in Proverbs 14:1a when it says, “A wise woman builds her home?”

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this verse, but it was always the second part I focused on – “but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”

I was determined NOT to tear down my house, but as with many things, not knowing what the converse looks like – in this case the very words the verse starts out with – leaves you guessing HOW to do what it is you are setting out to do.

So, how does a woman build her home?

WISE women build their homes

First of all, a woman who is trying to build her home is WISE. And we know, that wisdom begins in knowing and fearing the Lord.

I recently read a Facebook post that suggested women’s Bible studies should only be about keeping a home, raising children, and loving their husbands (as from Titus 2), but it is the Bible that informs our ability to do these things correctly and well, otherwise we are simply relying on methods and other people’s ideas and opinions.

As women, we must study God’s Word, grow closer to Him day by day, and abide in Him. Studying God’s Word will lead us to wisdom in how to manage our homes, raise our children, and love our husbands – not via a method, but rather via a relationship.

God gave you a unique family with unique circumstances, and while other people’s methods and opinions can be helpful, they cannot hold a candle to resting in the Lord’s will for YOUR unique family, regardless of what other people think and say.

Read and study your Bible – particularly when you are faced with a problem in your home. Don’t skip this step! In fact, I’d even go so far as to suggest you put aside all other reading – online or otherwise – when an issue arises. And don’t just read and study when you have a problem – read and study NOW! Everything you learn about our Lord and Savior will inform your steps as you build a home.

And I’ll be honest…I could just stop here and this post would be enough. Everything else I could say here would simply reiterate what I know about Jesus because…

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home on CHRIST the Cornerstone

Jesus is the Rock and the Cornerstone of everything we build. Our homes especially! And again…in order to do this effectively, we MUST know who Christ is! We must study His Word, pray, and abide in Him!

Everything we build either points to or away from Christ. Everything we build is either built ON Christ or WITHOUT Christ. Stay focused as you build relationships, schedules, your homeschool, your extra-curricular activities, etc. Build on the rock rather than the sinking sand!

A Wise Woman Builds Relationships That REFLECT Christ

Within a home, there are many relationships that must be built as part of the home-building found in Proverbs 14. We begin with – you guessed it! – our relationship with Christ!

You also have your relationship with your spouse and your relationship with your children, and your relationship with anyone who enters your home and anyone you encounter outside your home.

And every single one of these relationships either reflects Christ or reflects something or someone else. The only way to stay in touch with how these relationships should look is to stay connected to Christ so your life becomes an outpouring of the wellspring of your heart.

Let me throw out some examples…

Your relationship with your husband is a reflection of the relationship between Jesus and His followers, collectively known as the “Church.” Look at Ephesians 5:22-27 for clarification. However, you can’t just say, “Wives Submit” or “Husbands Love!” You have to know what these things mean in light of Scripture; otherwise, these words will become tainted with extremism and op-ed pieces.

I know I sound like a broken record, but you MUST study God’s Word! And you MUST rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you. And don’t forget – the Holy Spirit IS God – you CAN rely on this guidance!

Ask yourself – how do we submit to the Lord? [So we can know how to submit to our husbands.] And how did Christ love, sanctify, and cleanse the Church? [So we know how our husbands should be treating us.]. And read without bias (as best you can!) so that you can really dig and really learn and really understand without other people’s opinions!

Your relationship with your children is a reflection of the individual relationship between you and God. This is such a weighty thing to think about. We have a God Who loves us so much, He gave His life for us! And we have a God Who disciplines and corrects us because He loves us! Wow, wow, wow!

Mercy, grace, love, discipline all intermingled day in and day out as we build our homes on Christ.

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home as a REFUGE

And finally, I want to offer this nugget – a home should be a place of refuge because – you guessed it! – Jesus! He is our REST, and our homes should reflect this rest. Our homes are dim versions of Heaven and if you read my post on Eden, Heaven, Home you’ll perhaps catch a glimpse of this bit of Eternity.

Home should be a place where no matter the darkness of the outside, we are a lighthouse, lit by the love of Christ. And this is going to look different in practice for every family, so don’t buy into the idea that your home is only a refuge if you play classical music, serve 3 sit-down meals a day, and don’t own a television.

True REST comes from knowing God has the temporal and the eternal in His hands. It comes from ceasing to strive on your own because Jesus has lived the life you couldn’t and paid the price you didn’t. It comes from knowing the Holy Spirit is active in your life and will guide you through to eternity. Teach this to your children and do what you can to make your home reflect this – a safe place where they are loved and liked despite their mistakes and shortcomings.

And finally…

For a Wise Woman, Building is Ongoing

I have been building a home with my husband for 30 years, 28 of which have included children in the home. When the kids were younger, I was super focused on building, but as they’ve grown older, I’ve found myself slipping in the notion that I am no longer required to build quite as diligently as I once did.

It’s very easy to believe building is something you only do when there are young children underfoot. But, even after the children leave our home, I must keep building. I will build relationships with my adult children and their spouses and their babies, and there are still guests entering my home regularly. I am building new wings and decks and turrets, as well as maintaining the ones I built in the past. It’s an ongoing process that will keep me busy the rest of my life.

Hallelujah!