I’ve been there before…
That place where you let go of expectations, where you let go of who you *think* you are, where you let go of needing to be superwoman, and you realize that sometimes the plan isn’t what you thought it was…
and that’s okay.
My OB sent me to Labor & Delivery yesterday because it was more likely they could get me faster relief than the dr’s office could. I ended up on a narcotic. Coming from a woman who rarely takes meds (even for a headache), this was a tough call. But as I said, sometimes you do what you have to…this was a “have to” situation.
And this is where the letting go comes in. All too often we look down our noses at people who do things differently or make choices we wouldn’t make. I’m not talking fundamental Christian beliefs or something like that…just regular every day life decisions.
Honestly, I even hesitated to say I was taking a narcotic to kill the immense pain I am in. I didn’t want to open myself up to people telling me how I should have tried this or that and how bad this is for me and for the baby. It sounds silly to even write that, but I know I’m not alone in feeling this way about difficult decisions.
All too often passion over an issue ends up coming through as passing judgment instead. It’s a fine line that we’ve probably all crossed at some point or another. Ultimately, we all need to show a little mercy. Mercy towards those who feel so passionate about an issue they end up sounding harsh and mercy towards those making decisions we do not think we would choose if in their shoes.
The circumstances of the last few days forced me into a decision I would not normally have made. Later today, I will be in my OB’s office weighing even more tough decisions.
Life is full of decisions. Some easy. Some not. Some that happen exactly as we expect them to. Some that require us to dig deep and let go, and then find peace with those decisions.
For now, I am at peace. My pain is tolerable. My children have their mommy back. I am able to concentrate once again on this little life within me. I am certain your prayers and the Lord’s provision have afforded me this level of peace.
Thank you and Praise God!
Clara says
I’m one of those people who does their best to not take medication unless I absolutely *have* to, so I understand how hard this decision must have been for you. Can you have an induction to speed things up a little so you can be rid of the pain and have the little one in your arms? I know a lot of people try to avoid inductions, but sometimes it’s worth it if it’s a possibility for you. I had two inductions (for varying reasons), and even though my birth stories are different from the next person’s, I still had two beautiful babies at the end of the day 🙂
I’m glad your pain is tolerable now. Praying for a smooth and quick end to your pregnancy!
Amy says
No inductions here. Because my last c-section was only 20 mons ago, my OB does not feel it is a good option and would only force me into a c-section in the end under potentially risky circumstances. So, I either labor on my own or I have an elective c-section. Obviously, she feels laboring on my own is the better choice, but we shall see what she says today.
Yaya says
Been there, done that and my prayers are with you. Keep praying, listen for the answer, then follow through as the good Lord guides you. No one can know what you are going through, except the Father and He is with you. It’s so important to do everything you feel is best for your and your baby’s health and safety.
Keep us informed as you are able.
Hugs from my side of the web,
~ Yaya
abba12 says
I know how you feel, I feel ill thinking about the fact I’m taking a potentially dangerous drug right now. I was one of those stupid ignorant people who passed morning sickness off as something bad but tollerable that goes away, lol, *kicks self again*. But sometimes we have to make those hard desicions and, more importantly, stand by them even past doubt and critisism.
And pull it all into perspective. All those risks, or reprocussions, or whatever is the deterent from making a desicion, usually they’re no where near as bad as they sound at the beginning. Just because something isn’t ideal dosen’t mean it is going to ruin your life, but we seem to jump to those extremes in our emotions. Homeschooling can be a good example. I believe very strongly in homeschooling, however sometimes it just can’t happen, won’t work, isn’t do-able, whatever. Part of me jumps to say those childrens lives will be ruined, but then I have to stop myself. Millions of children go through the state system every year. Yeah those kids often have certain issues, but don’t most homeschoolers have certain quirks, something is always missed, and those state schooled children usually do go on to live perfectly happy and content lives. Homeschooling might be better, even ideal, I still believe strongly in it, but if it isn’t possible, they aren’t doomed to a life of failure either. Putting things into perspective is hard.
Sherry says
So true! How easy it is to pass judgment on something that we don’t know about. Praise God you got some relief! Praying you have a safe and healthy labor, delivery and most definitely healthy baby! 🙂
Kristi Norhcutt says
Keep doing what you believe is right – and best for you and everyone it affects – and continue also to lean on the Lord. Adam always tells me “Follow your heart. It’s never failed you.” It’s hard to do. Your beautiful children are testimony to all that you’ve done right.
Crystal says
Still praying for you, My Friend! I’m glad you got some relief. Your post was very well written.
Blessings to you and hoping your sweet baby comes soon.
Lisa~ says
Poor darlin’. Pain is a tough thing to live with. I’m glad you told us, prayers are coming your way! No judgment, just concern. With love, Lisa~
Laura says
So happy you’ve gotten some relief. You shouldn’t feel bad about doing what is right for you.
It’s sad that we have to put disclaimers in our posts these days just so people know we are talking about *our own personal situations*.
Laura says
Amy, We are praying for you. I understand the words you wrote completely. The last two pregnancies have been really tough that we have felt the judging from others. You take care of yourself and that precious little one.
Kristin says
I’m sorry! 🙁 But I’m glad you are able to get some relief. I think God uses these things to humble us…at least I know it does me! Not fun, though!
Tara @ Feels Like Home says
I’m glad you’ve found a little relief. I pray that God gives your OB wisdom, and that you’re holding your new little baby sooner than later.
For what it’s worth, I was determined (with my first and only child) to have a drug-free labor. I practiced self hypnosis and did a lot of things ahead of time to prepare and distract myself. Even after 5 or 6 hours of intense back labor, I was resolute. There came a time, however, about 8 hours in that I could handle the pain. I just – couldn’t – do – it any more. I got an epidural and healthy dose of perspective. We all come home with the same healthy babies, whether we allow the doctors to make us a little more comfortable or not. Next time, I’ll go for the epidural a lot sooner.
I’m so glad that you were able to set aside your passion and find some relief. I’m still praying for you, my friend.
Fruitful Harvest says
Oh Amy~
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Isn’t it funny how folks who say they are Christians are usually the first to judge what others are doing or dections they make?
I’m glad you found some peace~
Peace, Love and Prayers,
Georgiann
jerilyn says
I appreciate what you’ve shared and your perspective. That’s why I like your blog, I never feel bad for any of my choices (like, letting my kids play with plastic toys!) I stay away from blogs that take a hard view on anything that isn’t clear in the bible since it is a matter of conscience. I have things that I believe are right and I am passionate about but I never want to offend anybody or be a stumbling block to the gospel.
I hope your little one comes soon!
Amy says
So glad you got some relief! All I have to say about the narcotics is I am so impressed that you can write an intelligent word, let alone a blog post while on them! I try not to take meds either, but when I do, all I can do is sleep! Praying your OB has incredible wisdom for you today, that you have peace over and through this upcoming birth, and your sweet baby is in your arms very soon!
Amy
Amy says
LOL—I fell asleep about 6 times writing that post!
Queen of the Butterfly Ball says
Amy, That’s such a tough decision to make! I’m glad you are feeling a bit better now… I too, am one of those that is pretty much anti-meds in most all cases, but there is a time when they are very necessary and I have been very grateful for them when they were really needed! I’ll continue to pray for you and this new babe!
Much love and prayers!
Rachel
Laura says
Still praying and will continue to do so! You are an awesome woman!!! Please remember there is no right or wrong way it is the way the Lord directs you so take comfort in that!
Angela says
Amy, I’m sorry you’ve been in so much pain. I’ll pray for your continued relief from it and for that baby to come soon! May God bless your labor and delivery!
Love,
Angela
Grace says
Praising the Lord you’re at peace…and in less pain!!! I’ll continue praying He’ll guide you at every decision…Remember, He refers to Himself as “Faithful and True”! What a God!!!
dionne says
I’m not sure what kind of pain you are in, but will this pain get worse when you are in labor. I could not imagine having to deal with labor pains plus additional pain from another issue at the same time.
Amy says
That is one very big reason I will be getting an epidural this time. There’s no other way around it.
shelley p says
I’m glad that you are feeling a little better…you are right you cannot prejudge a situation and how you would handle it, nor judge a situation until you are in it….you just have to make the right decision for you and your familiy at that moment. Just glad some of the pain is relieved and that you are doing ok.
Praying the birth of this little one is a good one for you.
shelley p
from over the pond
Michelle says
Amy,
You are a rock star. Every time I feel sorry for myself about how tired I am, how ill I feel, how overwhelmed I am with three small children, I read your blog. You sew your own cloth diapers for goodness sake so cut yourself some slack. If you need to take something to enjoy the birth of this baby then do it. I can’t wait to see the new little one! You’re in my prayers :)Love
corine says
Way to go for speaking up when it is scary to! I agree with you 100%. There are so many things that we all know we would never want to do, so we think we would never choose to… never do them… But we may never really know what we would do in a given situation unless we are put in that situation. And even then, that changes during different times in our lives.
That is why we should not judge others! We should know that we are all goging through life, doing the best that we can with what we have currently.
Good job Amy! ;D
Corine
Claire Vorster says
With you 100%! Sometimes our world gets turned upside down and we just have to trust that God has our world. Thanks for your honesty, it’s good to know we are in this together 🙂
xClaire