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Having it All Together

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Homemaking, Mothering

Something about keeping a blog that people actually read makes me feel like I have to have it all together all the time. Even a few people in my real life think I do have it all together all the time.

 

**Newsflash**

 

I don’t.
What we read or even see on the internet and elsewhere isn’t always a true picture of the real thing. I remember quite clearly the day when someone whom I thought had it all together all the time suddenly became real.

 

This person had the sweetest spirit of anyone I had ever known and I always wondered how she could be so meek and quiet all the time when I seemed to continually be a bumbling loudmouth. Then one day as I sat in her home chit-chatting, I heard her say something unkind about someone we both knew. I had never, ever heard her say an unkind thing about anyone and I was dumbfounded by her behavior. This perfect woman I wanted to be just like when I grew up crumbled before me and I won’t deny the fact that I was devastated.

 

That probably sounds harsh, unfair, and totally unrealistic of me, but it was the truth. I was a young mom looking for someone to look up to. She was my role model (whether she knew it or not) and I hoped to someday be “as good as” her. After that day I saw her for who she really was…human…and it took me a long time to recover from the blow.

 

It’s tough when role models fall from the unnatural pedestals we put them on. You’ve probably heard people talk about how celebrities in the lime-light need to make sure they “keep their noses clean” so that children who look up to them won’t want to follow them into all sorts of illicit behaviors. Then there is the flip side where the celebrities say, “We didn’t ask to be role models and we aren’t perfect.” There is truth in both sides.

 

While I think it is wonderful (and Biblical) to have Titus 2 women to look up to, we must be careful not to promote them to perfection. And of course, as daughters of the King, we must be ever-mindful of our attitudes and behaviors so the word of God is not maligned. However, perfection is not to be had here on earth. We shouldn’t expect it from ourselves and can’t expect it from others.

 

Yes, I want to encourage you in your walk. Yes, I want to offer you the same resources that have helped me along the way. Yes, I want to be a good role model. But, I have to be honest too. No, not with the kind of honesty that tears others down and destroys hope, but the kind of honesty that says, “Hey, I’ve got problems too.”

 

My kitchen is perpetually messy…until my mom comes to visit.

 

I often don’t get dressed until lunch time.

 

I have yet to be on the same school schedule for more than 1 week at any given time.

I am guilty of not wanting to cook dinner and begging my husband to take me out to eat.

I really, really, really like Dr. Pepper. And no matter how many times I say I’m going to give it up, I never do.

Last night I finally unpacked the last bag from our vacation…that ended a month ago.

My daughter once (ok, maybe more than once) wore the same braid in her hair for 4 days straight…and it looked like it.

and the list goes on and on and on…

I’m real and I don’t have it all together. In fact, everyone is real and no one has it all together. We have strengths and weaknesses, struggles and successes (as my header says).

I know I’ve talked about this before, but today was one of those days when there were more struggles than successes. I wanted so badly to write a post on something fantastic, but found myself feeling discouraged and in need of some therapeutic blogging instead. I needed to come here and remind myself that having it all together is not the end game.

The day I thought I “lost” my role model, I actually gained something much more valuable…

Insight.

Insight into how a life exemplified by Christ is still a human, imperfect life. A reflection…Yes. The real thing…No.

And that is the way it should be.

If all my ducks were in a row all the time, I would never have come to an understanding of my utter sinfulness in the sight of a perfect Lord. A person who has it all together doesn’t need a Savior. And a saved person still messing up is a continual reminder that we are weak, but He is strong.

So, folks, the only ducks I have in a row at the moment are the ones on the bathtub and even they only got that way for a quick photo op. I’ve learned to forget trying to keep the ducks in a neat and tidy row. Just getting them to stand in something resembling a line is good enough for me. God will straighten them out…

just like He straightens me out every single day.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Mrs. and Mama K says

    i went to a MOPS meeting Friday and Brian Clay was speaking. One thing he said was what a relief it was to hear that he didn’t have to be perfect. It’s nice to know that being human lets others know it’s ok to be human…

    Reply

  3. Collette@Jesuslovesmums says

    Such an encouraging post! You are so right and I frequently think about how I don’t measure up! Thankfully we have a forgiving Lord.
    Thank you for this post!
    Love Collette xxx

    Reply

  6. Lilyofthevalley - Tanya says

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Just what I needed to read.

    I’ve been encouraged!

    May the Lord abundantly bless you.

    Reply

  8. Heart2Heart says

    What a great post! Too often we put all kinds of people on those pedestals and the moment they become like us and act human, the quicker we are to judge them.

    I love how effectively you used this to point out that as Christians we are not perfect, just forgiven. We still mess up and we still have bad days.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

    Reply

  9. JenT says

    I thought I was the only one!

    Great post. I feel the same way.

    And I don’t know if I can ever give up Dr Pepper completely. I have temporarily, but come January – look out! Dr Pepper, here I come!

    And the daughter’s braid? Yep. Done that.

    You’re not alone!!

    Reply

  11. Lynnette Kraft says

    I love these kinds of blog posts – because EVERYBODY can relate! Those who can’t are fibbing! 🙂

    I get it… I get it… I get it!!!

    Last night we had some pop in visitors and I apologized for the messy house (requirement right?) and then I said to them, “Actually the house looks like this all the time – that’s just the way it is when 8 people live in it all day”. So there!

    Have a lovely – crazy day friend.
    Love,
    Lynnette
    Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground

    Reply

  12. Sandy says

    **roaring applause**
    Seriously. I so feel the same way. I get that comment a lot, because I have lots of kids and get places on time =P
    I’m a trainwreck much of the time, and I think my husband is half in the looney bin due to my perpetual absentmindedness and lack of consistency.
    I think you’re fabulous, imperfections and all!! (((big hug)))

    Reply

  13. Sara x says

    Amazing how much comfort i found from your post today. I am struggling to hold things together at the moment. Life has been a whirlwind. I will take comfort that its ok not to be perfect.

    Thank you for your honesty xxx

    Reply

  14. Sara x says

    Amazing how much comfort i found from your post today. I am struggling to hold things together at the moment. Life has been a whirlwind. I will take comfort that its ok not to be perfect.

    Thank you for your honesty xxx

    Reply

  15. Too Many Kids In The Bathtub says

    what a wonderful post! when we put others on a pedestal, the Lord is no longer our source. yes, he puts others in our path to encourage us, but to show us that he wants to do the same for us!!

    Reply

  16. Joyful wife says

    What a good post. Let me tell you, the last place I ever want to be is on a pedastal where someone else has placed me. It is a painful place to be, and ruins friendships. I was put on one unknowingly. I think she had really convinced herself that I did have it altogether, and after a good long while she noticed I have a since nature. I lost my friend (so dear to me) because she couldn’t get over my imperfection. I often pray my friend will come to me and let me know I can go on just bein gme, and then except me as a human being, striving towards godliness just as she is. It is so freeing when we can just be us, and let God work out all the kinks in our characters and lives. I told dh just tonight that if I could, I would lay out everything about me to every friend I have or make, and let them decide then and there if they can really love me for me. I am so thankful that God isn’t finished with us, and will be faithful to complete His good work in us!

    Reply

  17. Jennifer says

    I’ve just recently found your blog – and what a blessing it has already been!! I so enjoyed this post. I don’t suppose there are many that would think I have it all together – but I am guilty of making “heros” out of other women. I really enjoy your thoughts – and posts!

    Reply

  18. Valerie says

    Loved your post. I just happened upon your blog from another blog I read. So glad I found it! I was feeling a little less than perfect…(cough), OK more like the worst mother/homeschooler in the world! So I was refreshed to read your post.
    God Bless your family.
    p.s. Wept over the loss of your precious little one. I prayed today God would give you peace each new day.

    Reply

  19. Anonymous says

    “If all my ducks were in a row all the time, I would never have come to an understanding of my utter sinfulness in the sight of a perfect Lord. A person who has it all together doesn’t need a Savior.”

    Amen, Amy! Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!

    ~Sue (5boys)

    Reply

  20. Audra says

    Thank you! I had a day of feeling like a failure in pretty much all respects. Your post helped bring me back to reality! I’m not perfect! My 1 year old son still doesn’t sleep longer than 2 hours at night. My toilets only get cleaned when I notice the gunky line around the bowl. I only vacuum once a week – if that – and I have a dog that sheds a ton!

    Reply

  21. Gwen says

    Again…I’m just like that! Why don’t I just unpack it right away? I feel better now. 🙂 God bless your heart.

    Reply

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