Prior to moving to the city, we attended a close-knit home church we had lovingly dubbed The Pilgrim Church because we moved from house to house never “settling” anywhere in particular.
Being a part of a family-integrated home church allowed me the opportunity to watch other families deal with certain behaviors in their children. After church, the mothers would get together and the topic often turned to child training and the tips of the trade, so to speak. During these Titus 2 type discussions, I gleaned so much wisdom. I learned to improve my attitude, my children’s attitudes, and the family’s attitude in general.
As a large family, it is imperative we stay the course in child training, not because we are stared at everywhere we go, but because we desire to raise up children who know the Lord. Chaos and disobedience do not point our children toward God. They point our children toward self.
Perhaps you are curious about the things I learned from these more seasoned mothers. Here is just a sampling of my lessons:
* Large families that “appear” perfect did not get that way over night. Many of them trained at home–blanket time, family devotions, etc. And often what the world sees is the result of days, weeks, and months of training.
* They come prepared. No matter where they go, they are prepared…everything from extra clothes, to special books, to drinks. Not having these things just creates stress.
* They are discreet and cheerful. When, not “if”, a situation arises that requires discipline or correction, they do it quietly and without causing a scene. I have witnessed mamas correct an unruly child in church with what looked like no more than a nod of the head. I, on the other hand, often got exasperated and gritted my teeth before finally taking the offending child out in a huff to give them what for. I was no where near calm and peaceful because I had either let it go too far or I had expected too much or I was worried what others must think.
* Pick your battles. Not everything is worthy of discipline. Some things simply need a quick, calm, cheerful answer and that’s it. Some behaviors are age appropriate. Sometimes we have simply asked too much of our children (sitting too long for example). Often a child needs to be shown grace.
* When the behavior cannot be dealt with in the public eye, leave and be prepared to spend as much time as it takes to correct the behavior. You cannot be selfish and be a good parent. There are going to be times when certain activities just aren’t going to be enjoyable for you because you are staying the course with a certain behavior. You may spend the entire church service in the hallway. Know right now your success in teaching your child depends on your own attitude. Also know that if you stay the course it will pay off. Someday you will spend the entire church service IN CHURCH.
* Remind yourself of this verse:
Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. For me to write the same things to you is not tedious, but for you it is safe.
Philippians 3:1
Stop viewing your child training years as tedious. You are your children’s safety net. To have to correct over and over again is definitely work, but never wasted work.
It all boils down to the three words one mother whispered to me one particularly rough morning during church…
Michelle says
Love this post! I especially love this quote…”Chaos and disobedience do not point our children toward God. They point our children toward self.”
I’m just starting out with a 2 yr old and a 9 mo old and could use much wisdom from the more experienced mothers!
Thanks for your great posts! I love reading them.
Ktietje85 says
This is really good for me to remember…. I try so hard by my 2-year-old frustrates me sometimes and it gets to the point (on bad days) when I’m so angry with her and yet I KNOW it’s not her fault because I’ve expected too much. I’d love to see more about this. I attended a seminar about a year ago at my church with a woman who was raising 10 kids and I paid attention to what she had to say. But there’s so much more to learn.
A few weeks back (Christmas) we took our kids to service. My daughter started acting up, and I warned her quietly to stop. She didn’t, so we walked out, into the bathroom, and she received a spanking. Then we talked some more about how she needed to sit quietly in church (it was a short service intended for children). After that, she talked some, squirmed, etc. but she did not climb off my lap or yell or behave in a way I felt was unacceptable for a 2-year-old. I was so proud!
I am blessed! says
One lesson that I keep trying to learn is that the time I put into training my children on the front-end, will pay-off in spades on the back-end. In other words, the more I work with my kids in anticipation of future situations, the less likely I’ll have to discipline them during those situations. Training is just as much about preparation as it is about discipline. I need to remember that and prepare my kids for life.
amanda says
exactally what i need to read this morning!! thanks!
Tammy (Mom to this crazy bunch) says
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Karrie says
That reminds me….slow and steady wins the race! Take your time and keep at it! Eventually you will get your reward and will be able to sit through a whole church service. If only I would learn from that! 🙂
Verna says
Very well stated.
Laney says
On a serious note, my fellowship with women that are older and have more kids than me are the thing I miss most in our current location.
Heck, I’d settle for people that have at least as many as we do. 🙂
L
Laney says
I get the feeling that you are suggesting that screaming and hiding in the bathroom are not good options. lol!
Great post, and something I really needed to hear this day.
Laney
Holly says
Thanks for sharing these lessons. I’m sure we can all draw from them!
Wendy says
Very well-said, Amy! Great encouragement, too. I encourage you to continue staying the course, and do not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season you shall reap, if you fail not.
I wanted to share with you, too, that I have posted a poem on my blog, Faith’s Firm Foundation, for those who have lost a child, written while I was grieving the loss of our child through miscarriage.
Blessings,
Wendy
Vicki says
What a timely post! The Husband and I are certainly in the throws of “staying the course” with some of our littles. People around us just dont understand.. Why dont you just send them to the nursery? Why not let them go to children’s church? Why put up with them all day and not send them to school? But I know that this is not the answer to our children’s discipline issues.. Thanks for the encouragment.
Camille says
You are right Amy ~ it is definitely “precept upon precept and line upon line”! AND we are not to worry what OTHERS are thinking ~ after all, we are serving God in all of this ~ it is HIM we aim to please. The goal is not behaviour modification, but character shaping we are after ~ ultimately with the Lord owning their hearts! 🙂
Blessings,
Camille
Melissa says
Thank you for your post. I really have been feeling stressed about being a “good” parent. Thank you for the advice!
Grace Wheeler says
Whoa Amy! Just that one sentence “you can not be selfish and be a good parent” hit me like a ton of bricks! I needed to hear that today! Sometimes “good kids” takes a little parental sacrifice!
Sally, Greg and Hannah says
Wow. How appropriate! We began attending a family-integrated church 6 months ago and it was amazing how you could tell that my child was a “nursery child”! It has taken time, but training is definitely worth it! I feel like training is hopeless some days and like she just doesn’t get it. But, I can see improvements because of consistency. Thanks for the advice and tips…I needed that! 🙂
Karyn says
Sometimes it’s helpful to really focus on the most distressing one or two behaviors – this works even with ourselves! It’s easy to come up with a long list of habits and changes you want to make but it’s more effective to really focus, then move to the next one when the habit has been truly established.
Hazeleyessue says
I just came across your blog through another blog. This post was very encouraging to me. THANK YOU!