I would be a rich woman if I had a dime for every time someone asked me why we homeschool. Just the other day, my family had the opportunity to reconnect with a childhood friend of mine and in the midst of the conversation she asked me why we decided to homeschool. I gave her my mindless answer that goes something like this…
“Where we lived before, Kindergarten was all day and I knew I didn’t want my son going from all day with me to all day at school, so I approached my husband about sending him to preschool which was only a half day. During this time; however, Ty was deployed to Cuba and we decided that our son was suffering enough trauma from losing his daddy without having us send him away from his mommy as well. So, he stayed home and I began teaching him at home because he was so eager to learn. By the time he was Kindergarten age he would have been bored in school and I would have spent all my time in the principal’s office, so we decided to homeschool. Somewhere along the line we became convicted that this was God’s will.”
Later, I began to think about my “story” and the almost afterthought I tacked on at the end that has now become the ONLY reason we homeschool.
We did the right thing for all the wrong reasons.
Yet here we are still doing the right thing and now for the right reason as well.
I talk to many misguided homeschool moms who are often looking for “school at home” or some unattainable standard of perfection for themselves and their children and their curriculum. There are even times when I am the misguided homeschool mom! I get caught up in the HOW and forget the WHY.
Whenever something terrible happens in our nation’s schools all the reactionaries rise up saying, “We’re going to pull our kids out of school and homeschool!” I find myself putting on my skeptical spectacles and saying things like, “That’s not a good reason to homeschool! They’ll never last!”
But wait a second…was my reason a “good” reason? Wasn’t my reason reactionary as well?
A fellow homeschool mom once told me that things have to hit a crisis point before people really see things the way they are. In other words,
It isn’t until things are so bad you hit rock bottom that you are finally able to see what is above you.
There are a lot of families climbing out of pits on the ropes of homeschooling. What they need are strong mentors along the way, cheering them on, encouraging them toward the top, and teaching them truths as they climb.
So, how do you answer someone who has decided to homeschool for all the wrong reasons? How do you encourage that mother?
Us “seasoned” homeschoolers could stand in judgment–almost like a little clique of mamas who have all the answers because we homeschool for the right reason.
OR…
We can openly welcome all the newbies, draw them aside and earnestly listen to their reasons, and then PRAYERFULLY and GENTLY guide those who are homeschooling for the wrong reasons. Send them notes of encouragement, answer their seemingly endless questions, and ALWAYS keep Christ at the forefront of our conversations.
When they decide to make their homeschool look “just like yours,” encourage them to seek the Lord’s will. But if they continue to insist on being your carbon-copy, then let them.
We all started somewhere.
We all came to this with preconceived notions of what homeschooling looked like. And for those of us who only knew one or two homeschooling families at the time we took this leap, more than likely, we just followed their lead. We found our groove and sooner or later, they will find theirs.
You may be saying, “But wait a second…I have this friend who has been homeschooling for all the wrong reasons for YEARS! Is she EVER going to “get it?”
Just remember this, she may be doing the right thing for the wrong reason, but she is still doing the right thing.
I still need to be reminded of my convictions. The world begins to creep in on my little homeschooling corner and I start wondering if I am doing enough by the world’s standards. I forgo the devotions in order to squeeze in that missing math lesson. I look at Suzie Homeschool Mom down the street who does everything right and start reworking my oh-so-mundane curriculum. Next thing I know I am flat on my face before the Lord being reminded of the REAL reason I homeschool–the RIGHT reason.
Yeah, I know it’s pretty forward of me to suggest that homeschooling has but one right motive behind it, but hey, I also believe there is but ONE WAY to Heaven. At least I’m consistent.
May you be blessed by the journey!
Sandi says
Interesting post. I am coming from a different angle. I started out for the right reason but have been weary to continue.
I had great role models of families close to me who homeschooled, so I had the conviction long before I married. I even said to my husband post engagement that if he had no interest in homeschooling his children….I might not be the right women. I really said that LOL!
Now 5 years in, my middle son has ADHD, sensory and language processing struggles. I used to love homeschooling. Honestly, right now it’s just HARD WORK. The fun has been sucked right out of it. I am tempted to put him in school simply to get a breather. I know it’s not the best for him but I am tired and wonder at times if someone who is more trained could help him better.
I used to be the one who would think not homeschooling was the lesser road. And though I still do believe it is best for my kids….I see things from a different perspective. I will pull through this time and we will figure this out but it isn’t coming without a cost.
Shawna says
Sandi,
I commend your efforts! I am not a homeschooler at the moment (my children are not yet school age) but I am in constant contemplation of homeschooling…still unable to come to a decision. My biggest struggle is knowing that I would have to commit the next 20+ years of my life to educating my children…never having breaks or breathers from my kids. That ever constant struggle between selfishness and selfless-ness.
I would offer this limited advice, though…Please don’t delude yourself into thinking that those “trained” public school teachers would be any better prepared to teach your son. Most school districts will simply stick him in a traditional class where he will continue to struggle and the teacher will be just as frustrated as you.
Hang in there! Maybe finding some special needs tutors to assist you is a better alternative. I wish you all the best!
EJ says
Oh I am there right now and would love to know what you did. My son is in a kindergarten where he is at school two days and I teach him three days. He has sensory issues and it has really been a struggle lately..,getting him to school or to do writing at home. I feel a pull to homeschool for his sake but oh the relief of the two days he is at school. I feel so guilty because i just adore him so much. Like the poster below said it is the struggle between selfishness and selflessness. I think I wouldn’t be as hesitant if I knew his sensory issues would get better and We’d be able to leave the house…or if I knew I’d be able to get out and do some things on my own. . I start to feel claustrophobic thinking about it. But on the other hand we’ve had some wonderful “at home” days and I get really excited thinking about homeschooling fully. I want to be able to take it down a notch. They want him 2-3 sentences, capitals and spacing and it just seems too much. Still this isn’t the RIGHT reason is it. I do feel God moving in my heart on the matter.
MapleCottage says
Thank you, Amy.. I really appreciated this post!
Heart2Heart says
Amy,
I loved your post. I personally believe that everyone homeschools for different reasons. Too many people are often pointing fingers at the parents of home schooled children like there is a right and wrong in doing this. Too often, I have had to deal with store clerks who always ask why my kids aren’t in school, now I proudly stand back and let my children explain why they love it and let them speak for themselves.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
JP says
We began homeschooling this year, and I have to revisit often the “why?” because I perpetually feel unprepared when confronted with the question. If we were rich, my son would still be at Christian school, no doubt. But as the days drudge on and we wade through this new and sometimes murky experience, I begin to realize more about God’s provision in how we got to this point. I am confident in saying it was the best decision we ever made concerning our kids, even if it was made for the wrong reasons. But I still need guidance from veteran homeschoolers in aligning our homeschool with its true purpose!
Michelle says
Wonderfully said!
We, too, started homeschooling for the ‘wrong’ reasons (Ds had a peanut allergy, and we didn’t feel he was safe at school.) Our kids did go to a Christian school – but I still felt a tugging at my heart to bring them home.
Now, they are ALL where they belong – and for all the right reasons. 😉
Blessings,
Michelle
Cheryl says
What a fantastic post! Truly, you bring up some fantastic points. It easy to stand in judgement but it’s true that though we may not start for the right reason, God may will use our situation to illuminate the right reason.
Congrats on your homeschool blog award nomination!! 🙂
Sandra says
You are exactly right. It wasn’t until I had homeschooled about 5 years before I started seeing the spiritual side of it.
Vicki says
I can totally relate to this post. Ive been homeschooling for the right reason but in a wrong way.. You know trying to make my school look like Suzie Homeschoolbloggers school. That never works. I do wish I’d had more mentors along the way and less blogs. 😛 But that was all the homeschool group available to me at the time and Im thankful for the wealth of info on the net. I should have been tapped into the right reason more but we “all have to start somewhere”
missy says
I loved this post and can relate. It is good to know there are others out there like me. We also started for the wrong reasons and now do it for the right reasons. God has a way of working in our hearts, doesn’t he?!
Missy
Sandi says
Oh and congrats on the award. I really enjoy reading your blog. You have this witty way of getting your thoughts across ;o).
MolleenCarie says
We went about it the same way — deciding to homeshool for some pretty good reasons, but not the Right reason. Good reminder to think about what to say when ppl ask why we homeschool.