3 weeks ago, Baby Aspen was born. Usually, I’m ready to get back to our normal routine at 2 weeks postpartum, but at 2 weeks postpartum, my life was in a shambles. At 3 weeks postpartum, not much has changed.
Besides the fact I am recovering from an unplanned c-section, I ended up catching the bug that ran through my family shortly before Aspen was born. It was something that started as a stomach virus and then turned into a respiratory bug a few days later. Because I have asthma, respiratory illnesses really knock me down. I lost my voice and struggled to breathe. In fact, I’m still croaky and needing my rescue inhaler on occasion.
But that’s not all. We just moved. The house is not fully unpacked and most of our stuff is out of place. Oh sure it’s in a place, but it’s not the place it ought to be. And some things are missing entirely. They are probably in a box in the garage, but the garage is stacked to the ceiling with boxes, so finding the “right” box isn’t going to happen any time soon.
Early last week, I was feeling very downtrodden. I could see around me all the things that needed to be done, but I was completely helpless to do any of them. The kids and Ty were doing good just to keep the house running. No way would they be able to put together new chore charts, school schedules, and menu plans. No way could they unpack boxes and put things in a place that made sense. They were doing well to work within the confines of what I had managed to get done before I had Aspen. The arranging of the house, the reworking of the school schedule and chores would all have to wait until I was fully recovered.
But, when would that be?
Why did I have to get sick on top of having a c-section? Why did I have to move a few weeks before I had a baby? Why is everything a mess? Why, Lord, why?
Philippians 4:6-7 tells us not to be anxious. It tells us to present our requests to God. What it doesn’t say is, “and everything will happen just the way you want it to.” What it does say is God will give you peace beyond what you can understand and Jesus will guard your heart and mind from the anxiety and cares you are feeling.
When there are setbacks in our lives, they are typically seen as a bad thing. They are seen as something that holds us back from the way we want things to be. They cause a lot of anxiety as we fight against them or as we watch helplessly as they happen to us. We are worn out physically, mentally, and emotionally by them, and we want to get away from them as soon as possible.
All I could think about was how tired I was of being sick. I had all these plans and the c-section and sickness were messing those plans up. All I could do was sit and nurse baby and sleep.
And that’s when it donned on me…
All I could was sit and nurse baby and sleep.
Because of the sickness and the c-section recovery, I wasn’t able to jump back into a busy life. I had to slow down. I had to sit and do nothing but hold my newborn daughter. Sometimes that meant the little boys had to watch one more movie or we all had to eat one more plate of cheese chips. Sometimes it meant I held Aspen all night as I slept in the recliner in the living room. Sometimes it meant I couldn’t turn on the computer or answer the phone.
When I let the anxiety of not being able to do the things I thought “needed” to be done rule my life, I was a wreck. When I gave it all to the Lord, He guarded my heart and mind and I realized the things I thought mattered didn’t. They could wait and one day He would restore normalcy in our lives (albeit, a “new” normal). But, for now, the setbacks were His way of healing me, of giving me time with my newborn daughter, of giving my other children time to adjust to a new city, a new house, and a new sister. The setbacks were truly a God-send.
And it was time for me to rest and be peaceful that everything was exactly the way God planned it.
What setbacks are you experiencing? How are you handling them? Are you resting in the Lord? How can we be praying for you?
Charlotte Moore says
What a little doll Aspen is. She looks so peaceful sleeping. Enjoy holding and cuddling her.
HE has it all in control.
BLESSINGS!!!
Paula says
My daughter is getting married on Jan. 17 and my setback is that my Mother was diagnosed with brain cancer two days after Thanksgiving. She lived 5 weeks and 3 days after that. We buried her on jan. 9. My life is devastated and I am not handling it well.
I was in the er the day of her funeral with a panic attack.
I realize that my faith is not near as strong as it should be.
That is my setback.
Christine says
Saying a prayer for both of you. For Paula and Amy.
I am so sorry about your loss, Paula!
Amy says
Praying for you, Paula.
Jen says
Paula I am praying that you & your family, particularly your daughter find peace that your mom is with the Lord.
I hope this does not seem inappropriate as each person/family is unique. But If there is a chance it will help I really want to add it. I have seen two very beautiful examples of honoring those lost, during a wedding ceremony. 1) Reserving a seat during the ceremony for them with a single rose placed on the chair. 2) Including a bracelet (or other symbol) in the brides bouquet.
shiloh says
I’m glad you were able to seek support! Panic Attacks are definitely real!
Lindsey says
Said a prayer for you Paula. Praying that you would feel God’s arms wrapped warmly around you. I lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago and it is hard. Add your daughter getting married to the mix and it is overwhelming. God is in control. Rest in Him when it feels like you just can’t breathe.
In Christ’s love,
Lindsey
TL says
Dear Sweet Amy,
Thank you for your post. It reminds me of the time after I had my third daughter (we have four). I became really sick with an infection because I had retained some placenta. It went unnoticed by the hospital. I spent a week in the little hospital here before being flown out for a D&C. Our hospital doesn’t deliver babies (unless there is no time to be flown out or driven over an hour to the next town. They don’t do surgeries either. My mother inlaw came to look after my two other girls and fun the house. After I returned home I wanted to get back into the swing of things, but I couldn’t. I just didn’t have the strength. I had to get back into nursing (the heavy antibiotics I was on had me pumping and dumping). It was upsetting that I had to sit while my mother inlaw ran my house. I understand how you feel.
On a side note, we just found out we are expecting baby number 5. We aren’t telling anyone yet. I had a miscarriage before my second and most recently, I miscarried my youngest daughter’s twin. I want to wait several more weeks before we tell family. I’m unsure of how long we can wait because I tend to show early.
Rest in God Amy. I enjoy reading your blog.
Amy says
((HUGS)) Prayers for your new little one. 🙂
TL says
Thank you Amy
raisingcropsandbabies says
Great reminder! I’ve had 3 C-sections so far (my 4th c/s and 5th baby will be in April) and the 2-1/2 to 3 week mark is always the hardest for me. It’s when I start feeling a bit better and see everything that needs done and I want to do it and OVERDO it… it’s frustrating for me. I always have to remind myself to LET GO of control… to be thankful for those who help me and for what they do (though it may be vastly different than myself or they might have different priorities than I do during the day) and just rest and walk around often. Sorry you got sick on top of recovery!!! I had a cold after my last C-section and it was the pits. IT’s been an awful bug this year.
I had bronchitis for 3 weeks and being pregnant… ugh. We didn’t do a thing during the kids’ Christmas break except me resting. It was hard, but wow… when you start feeling better, you are so thankful to just do the laundry!
Amy says
I’m thinking this may be bronchitis. It has been a terrible year for sickness for nearly everyone I’ve talked to! 🙁
raisingcropsandbabies says
I’d encourage you to just go in and get checked out. I held off for a week and a half thinking I was just being wimpy. I would be bawling because of coughing up so much stuff and coughing constantly (my ears, throat, abs, eyes hurt from it and I was barely sleeping even on the couch). I finally went to urgent care when it felt like I couldn’t breathe and sure enough… severe bronchitis. They put me on steroids, inhaler,antbx, and robitussin (and I took it all faithfully… even though I don’t usually even take tylenol when pregnant) and 10 days later I felt quite a bit better, but still not healed. Argh. If I would have went in sooner, I don’t think it would have gotten this bad. Don’t be like me!
CabotMama says
Those of us who have had our last baby, we long for one more day to snuggle with our little one against our chest, to gaze down at such a sweet, contented face, to breathe in the scent of newborn, and to happily drift off in the hormone induced sleep only nursing mothers know. None of us wish we could go back and get our house in order a little bit sooner. Praise God He forced you to relax and enjoy this long desired little girl! Praise God you were able to realize His blessing!! May you continue to have peace in your household and relax.
After my third baby was born two days before Christmas, I left the hospital as soon as possible, determined to be home for Christmas with my Littles. I hosted family for Christmas celebrations. I was busy, busy, busy – until I was admitted into the hospital nine days later on New Years Day with an illieus caused by severe uterine infection. A few hours more and I could have died. I was in the hospital for several days. Just me and my newborn, with my husband. Because I was heavily medicated, I was not allowed to be left alone with my baby. Turned out to be wonderful bonding time for us all – and the least amount of postpartum I ever experienced.
After my fourth baby, I learned I needed an operation which would prevent me from holding anything over ten pounds. With a six week old newborn after surgery, I needed my mother-in-law to stay for a week. The baby and I were nestled in bed, the other three well taken care of, and I healed. Homeschool didn’t happen. No outside activities happened, kids lives were on vacation. But the laundry was done, the house cleaned, and I again enjoyed sweet bonding with the baby and precious fellowship with my mother-in-law. She also was blessed to bond with the baby like no other grandchild, because she had to do all the diapering, bathing, etc. Again, blessing in disguise … One I never would’ve prayed for, but now would trade for anything. I didn’t see it initially, but praise God He opened my eyes before the time was through
May the God of healing and mercy be heavily on your home in the coming weeks!
Amy says
Beautiful words!
TL says
Sounds like you and I had similar circumstances. Hugs for you!
Amy Sparks says
Good for you! What you are doing rt now is so important! Six months from now,everything will be so different. 😉
Molly says
Yes! I’ve just recently learned about the power in praise during setbacks or tumultuous experiences. When we embrace the fact that ALL things come through the Father, for a reason often unbeknownst to us, we are acting in faith in His character when we praise Him for those circumstances. He is good all the time, we humans simply lack the eternal perspective to see the why. For myself, I’m recovering from passing my second kidney stone during my current pregnancy. I’m weak and tired and had five children to care for this morning. I prayed for healing in the midst of enormous pain, and then I asked why, why God? Why all this pain? Then I remembered my recent lesson and praised Him, thanked Him for the ordeal, knowing that He allowed it for my greater good. It does help a little. It brings peace if nothing else. (i.e. if He wanted the house clean or the children better fed, etc. then He would allow for it.) Prayers your way Mama. <3
Amy says
“If He wanted the house clean or the children better fed, etc. then He would allow for it.” Well said! Praying for your healing, Molly!
Gwen says
Praying for you and your family Amy 🙂
rebecca says
A wonderful post for today Amy…
We always seem to be getting used to a “new” normal here too… that are always temporary before moving on to another “new” normal!!!
At last as I have reached 15 weeks pregnant now with baby #7 and things have improved. I finally cooked a few meals (and kept them down!!) cleaned the bathrooms and planned jan-mar schooling… (not all in one day of course!)
none of which got done in Nov or December… and homeschooling was whatever I could manage for those months 🙂
(thanks goodness for a sweet sister who cleaned my bathrooms once in nov and once in December- something the kids can’t do- although they do help vacuum and dust as best they could 🙂 )
I feel encouraged when I know other moms have to rest and let things go for a bit too and they can remind me to see God’s hand in every up or down time.
I feel less alone and more understood 🙂
AND for the first time this first trimester was filled with more rest and time with God than ever before. a less-than-clean house, but peace and rest.
I see it as a GREAT blessing that I had much time to commune with God and sit quietly with the children… (and turns out they LOVE eating grilled cheese several days in a row- no fancy cooking required 🙂 )
May you and your sweet daughter enjoy your time together as you heal and regain your health- and may your home be full of love and peace and the joy of the Lord.
Amy says
Funny how things we think matter really don’t. Glad you are feeling better. 🙂
Suzann says
Thank you! This sounds almost exactly like my life! And I too am learning the blessings of rest and enjoy the time nursing this new baby. And trying to dissuade the fears and stress over getting back to school.
This was needed confirmation for me!
Michele @ Family, Faith and Fridays says
Oh, Amy, I so understand! I got very sick right after my husband was deployed and the kids quickly followed. Felt like my plans and my sanity all went out the window. Like you, I struggled, but am trying to see that is was all still with in God”s perfect plan, even when I did not or do not understand. Praying for you as you continue to recover, catch up, and find your new normal. Wish I was closer- I would come unpack and organize for you! We military wives are pros at that! 😉
Amy says
You’d have to give me a master list telling me where everything is! lol
Joy says
Very encouraging! I tend to get caught up in the business of running a home that I get overwhelmed and forget to sit back and slow down. This article was encouraging to me to indeed take the time to slow down and enjoy my babies.
Jen says
Amy, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think we all have felt that frustration at some point. (For me, it is rare I do not.) To trust in the Lord is really all we can ever do.
For all the homeschoo moms I do have a tip. The website TeachersPayingTeachers has (some free) printable mini-lessons & other all-included, very simple activities. I like to have these ready to go for times like that. Everything is explained & easy. If it needs cut/paste, ect I do so & place it all in a large envelope. I write the theme, ages, & any instructions. My daughter, 13, can very easily run a “lesson” for an hour or two with them. This has been such a blessing at times.
Erin says
My first two babies were nothing short of exhausting for me in those early days. Yes, I know. All newborns are exhausting. lol. But I had real issues with breastfeeding (they say I lack mammary tissue) and they were always hungry. My second even became dehydrated. Their babyhoods went by in a blur of weigh-ins, hour long feeding sessions (with fifteen minute breaks in between, at which time I pumped), and oh, I was the primary breadwinner when my second was born.
By the time I was expecting my third, hubby had finished school and secured a job. But I was still panicked. How would I handle alllll of THAT, plus a toddler and a preschooler, when we had just started homeschooling?
After an unplanned homebirth, we ended up at a hospital for the first time ever (my others were born at birthing centers). The hospital had a lactation consultant on staff, and she came in and listened to my entire pitiful tale. She nodded as I spoke, and I prepared for the usual “But did you try…” Instead, she sat thoughtfully for a moment, and then said “And how much did you enjoy your first two babies?”
ENJOY? I hadn’t thought about it, but after honest consideration, I said “Probably not at all for the first several months.” She then said “My breast feeding advice is to go home and enjoy your baby. If that means you breast feed, then good. If that means you don’t, then good. Just enjoy him.”
That really lifted the fog for me and allowed me to give myself permission to do that. Why are we women so intent on getting back to the grind so quickly?! Sometimes God has to shake up our plans and rearrange that mental picture we have to get us to take that time. My goal was always to avoid a hospital at all costs, but if I hadn’t ended up there, I wouldn’t have met the consultant to changed my perspective.
Congratulations on little Aspen. She is a beauty.
Amy says
What an amazing blessing to hear those words from the lactation consultant. Perfect!
Cindy says
This isn’t my current setback, but after c-section #3 in 2013, I had some internal bleeding which caused me to lose roughly half my blood. I recovered quickly and was able to go home after 3 days, but I was severely anemic and SO weak. All I could do was sit in the chair and nurse. I see it as a blessing now. At the time, I remember just thinking ‘well, I guess this is where God has me for now. So enjoy the cuddles.’ I’m so glad I had that peace! And your little Aspen is so sweet looking. She looks as though she is thankful for the place God has you right now. Your words are always so encouraging. I look forward to your posts every day. Even when you tattle on yourself. 🙂
Amy says
Tattle on myself – LOVE it! lol When I started writing years ago, that’s what God impressed on my heart as what I should write on. I write about where He has me. Apparently, a lot of people are in the exact same place. 🙂
Stephanie says
A great reminder. A great post.
Ashley says
My little girl is 2 weeks today. She’s number three. It’s hard adjusting. I didn’t get a shower today. The two oldest (A 4 & 2 yr old) are in rare form today. The house is in shambles… and i barely slept last night, making me very tired and stressed. Today i cried.
This gets easier right?? 🙂
Amy says
Ashley,
It does get easier. I have big kids to help, so life isn’t the blur it once was. Someday you’ll be there and wonder where it all went.
shiloh says
3 has been hard for me as well. Thanks for the encouragement Amy!
Judy says
HORRAY! 🙂 Glad you found peace in the midst of it all. I had a similar experience this weekend. I was so fearful over what was happening I was in tears and pretty much unable to function. I reached out to a few friends who began praying, and I was gradually filled with peace,despite the circumstances not changing. The next morning I must have read at least four times ‘do not fear.’ Okay, God. I get it. This time. 😉
Amy says
Fear…yes, that one steals joy as well. I understand it well, and have to do the same thing – give it to the Lord and He will guard your heart and mind!
Rachael says
Oh, thank you for sharing this post! I am SO there right now. For the last six months we have had a single mom and her baby living with our family of five in our 2 bedroom home. My grandfather has dementia and my grandmother has heart issues so we have been intervening. I recently found out I am pregnant with #4 and morning sickness is kicking my butt. I homeschool. I help lead worship at our church. And I caught the respretory bug. I have been SO discouraged. I needed this reminder, friend. Thank you.
Amy says
((HUGS)) and prayers!
shiloh says
We recently moved as well. I’m trying to get into the home school routine and declutter the house. Thanks for this raw post.
Eva says
Amen! I’m still in set back mode since my baby arrived in June! We can’t always see what God has planned. Thank you for sharing.:)
Jennifer says
Psalms 23:2a – He maketh me lie down in green pastures.
Sometimes He makes us lie down, because otherwise we wouldn’t be so “selfish” as to do it (even if we needed it!). Sounds like you realized that very same thing, but I’ve found often times when I’m kept down against my will, it’s because I needed to be down!
Diana Swavely says
I have been reading your blog for several years and don’t think I have ever commented, but I just came to check as see about your new baby…and I sure had a big smile when I saw that pink! Congrats. Love her name…so very precious.
Heidi says
Thank you so much for this post, Amy. Sometimes the surrender and joy seems to just flow, but recently I am in a season in which I struggle with the chronic setbacks. This is exactly what I needed to read.
Congratulations on the birth of your precious baby girl!
Life As A Convert says
We have to remember that everything comes from God. We have these setbacks so that we may enjoy the happier times even more.
Genna says
Thanks for this post. I’ve been very discouraged lately due to my family’s circumstances and this was an encouragement to me. I’m almost 7 months pregnant with our 5th, we’ve recently moved, and we’ve all been sick pretty much since fall. I’m sitting up now with my youngest who has a high fever. I don’t understand and find myself asking “why” too, but God is faithful, and that’s what I have to cling to.
Reggie says
Oh, this is beautiful, and exactly where I was two years ago. It was so good for me though. Unlike most ‘bonding’ mothers, I often saw nursing the baby as an interruption in my need-to-do list and lived for the five month mark when they could hold a bottle on their own. Like I said, not a natural bonder here. Close physical contact for months on end is not my forte. How I have six children is beyond me. BUT, due to serious health challenges following baby six, I learned to relish the excuse of needing to just sit and nurse baby. I found myself holding him more and being willing to walk the floor at 2 am when I never had previously. I came to fully understand the heart of the author who penned, “Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.” If all you can do is hold the baby, then by crackey, hold that baby!