The 6 year old is running through the house. The toddler is constantly saying no and hitting the 4 year old. The 8 year old is whiny, and everyone (including mommy) has a bad attitude. Oh, and you just had a baby a few months ago.
You are in those difficult “little years”. Those years when chaos seems to reign supreme. Sometimes you look around you and wonder what happened. Most of the time you look around and wonder if you’ll ever gain control of the household again.
Never fear, mama…there is hope!
I’m sure some of you read the title of this post and immediately jumped to some sort of torturous conclusion about what it was going to be about. While the name “Baby Boot Camp” (coined by another mom of many) sounds somewhat harsh, the heart behind it is anything but harsh. (Honestly, I tried to come up with a name other than Baby Boot Camp and nothing sounded as good or made as much sense.)
So, let’s proceed with an open mind about the name, shall we?…
In the military, boot camp is a time of concentrated focus on getting new recruits battle ready. There are little to no outside influences and everything the soldier does is monitored. Yes, there are screaming, often foul-mouthed drill sergeants on hand to facilitate this. That part, I am NOT advocating. 😉
So, how does this translate into our Baby Boot Camp? Here’s a quick 5:
1. Manage one issue at a time.
2. Stay focused on the task at hand.
3. Don’t go anywhere.
4. Don’t add anything extra to your day.
5. Be Mommy.
I’m going to go through each of these one by one, but I need to offer a caveat…
Baby Boot Camp may be harder on you than on the children.
OK, so now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to business!
Manage one (or two) issue(s) at a time
You may be tempted to try to fix every issue with every child all at once; however, you will quickly find this is impossible and you will will wear yourself out. Think about the biggest issues you are having with each child. Running in the house? Bad attitudes? Hitting? Whining? Pick one or two to work on.
Stay focused on the task at hand
You cannot “check out” during the day by flipping through Pinterest or checking Facebook. You can’t hang out on the phone or stare mindlessly at the television. You have to be PRESENT and AVAILABLE and READY.
You are watching for the issues you have chosen to focus on. As soon as you see the beginnings of one of these behaviors, you head it off. The name of the game is immediate redirect.
Here’s what this might look like…
You toddler has taken to hitting. You decide this is one issue you really want to work on. You keep your toddler close to you all day long. You watch his activity and watch for signs that he might be planning to hit a sibling. With hitting, I like to grab the offending arm and give a firm, “No hit.” Then, I let them try to play again. If it continues, I come to a point where I completely remove them from the situation and tell them, “When you hit, you cannot play.”
Toddlers do not have a very long attention span, so you only need to remove them for a short time before bringing them back into the group and try again. You want to give him opportunities to succeed.
Now, do you see why you need to be completely present and ready to go?
Hopefully, you also see why you can’t possible handle more than one or two issues at a time!
To help you stay on task, keep these two things in mind…
Don’t go anywhere
and
Don’t add anything extra to your day
For obvious reasons, you need to stay at home. I know it may be hard to clear your schedule, but if you really want to be successful with this, you have to stay home, and you have to keep your extra activities to a minimum. Your meals need to be simple and you need to be completely engaged.
The final part of Baby Boot Camp is quite possibly the most important…
Be Mommy
Baby Boot Camp naturally means you will be spending a lot of time alongside your children. Don’t squander this time by being that drill sergeant I mentioned at the beginning of the post. The simple act of spending time with your children, smiling at them, setting them up for success, and loving on them will do as much, if not more than your actual disciplining. Use this time to not only nip bad behaviors in the bud, but also to read to your babies, sing to them, enjoy them! Sometimes all they need is to know you really are there, you really do care, that you will be swift to redirect their bad habits and even swifter to praise them.
Kelly says
THANK YOU Amy. This is exactly what I needed today. Mine are 8, 6, 4, and almost 2 and I feel like your opening description described my day so far! I’ve had a bit of a “what have we done?”/defeated attitude this morning. Thanks for your sound advice. I’m going to go put the toddler down for a nap and hang out with the others on the couch now. 😉
Hope your sweet baby girl is doing well!
Rebecca says
And here I was thinking it was only my house where things like this happen. Thank you for the lovely encouraging post 🙂
Suzann says
Very timely post. And encouraging. Glad I’m not alone, I was just feeling like a bad mommy. Now I realize I’m just a mommy. 🙂
Zoe says
Good advice that can be tweaked to get older ones back on track too, who have maybe fallen into lazy habits over Christmas while Mum wasn’t watching! (Not that I’ve had a hard week back to homeschool or anything))!!
MaryAnn Germano says
I THOUGHT MY FRIEND STARTED BABY BOOT CAMP. It later became Mimi’s Boot Camp when she had two Grand Daughters. It is home schooling and recently Alayna, the older grand child has started to learn sign language. I was very happy to hear this since I studied it in college. Best of luck in raising intelligent and well disciplined children. MaryAnn Germano
Cindy says
I am SO here right now. I do have an issue with my 10 yr old that I just don’t know how to fix. He’s a fabulous boy, it’s Just. That. Mouth.
kimberly D says
Wow! It’s as if you have been spying on our home! I think we need family boot camp at our place. Our children are 11, 10, 8, 2 1/2, 1 1/2, and 2 months. I have to say, I have felt so overwhelmed and defeated lately. And it’s not because we have 6 kids (like many would assume). It’s the bad attitudes and whining! The naughtiness level has been very high in our home this last month.
Thank you for your great advice. I really like your five steps and am going to start boot camp tomorrow!
Anne says
This is perfect advice. I had my first 4 babies in less than 4 years, and I followed this system without ever thinking of it as “Baby Boot Camp.” 🙂 It was simply what made sense at the time. And it is still making sense with the little ones who have followed those first 4. It’s a good life, and people tell me my kids are great.
Bambi says
Great and helpful, Amy. Will share it <3
Naomi Fata says
Thanks for the advice, what I have really been struggling with is not going anywheres we like to be social and I have a hard time turning down play date invites.
Alli says
This is terrific. I’ve got a 3-year-old, a 1-year-old and another on the way! We don’t have much help at all and this post will come in so handy for me!
I’m a new blogger and am so thankful to have found you!
-Alli
Jessica moore says
I love it! This is what I’ve always called boot camp (in talking with my husband, not to the children!) at our house. We have to have boot camp when we come back from a trip or they’ve been spending time at grandparents’ house. Or right now… I’ve had the flu and have not been consistent at all with discipline, they’ve watched too much TV, etc. so when I feel better, hopefully tomorrow, we’ll have to “whip ’em back into shape” 😉
Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!
Jenni says
Thank you so much! I really needed this today! Our kids are 7,5,4,2,and 5 m, and we have been struggling since our baby was born.
Stephanie says
This is exactly what we do! It’s nice to hear from such an experienced mama that it works! And you are right, this is hardest on mommy.
shiloh says
I love this post! Keep it simple right? Filter out all the “worldly activities” and focus on your kids! Thank you so much for this post!
Starr Dixon says
I have a 1 year old he will not listen we can. Be in the same room and he will scream he screams when we say no he gets up and screams
Sara says
How do I get my four years old not to hit me when he gets mad and screams at me bc I don’t give in and I yell him no tv, video chatting with his buddy from Ohio. Plus he tells me I am a mean mommy if tell him to do something and he don’t so I take his stuff away. He tells at me when I tell him to go into the in his room he say no
Valonda Updike says
I need help with my 3 year old! He is so disrespectful and disobedient that I need help getting him on the right track. And I’m not writing this for people to take my son from me or any of that! I’m reaching out for help because he is very disobedient! I’m tired of constantly yelling at him! I’ve tried different methods, such as: corner time, a pop on the butt, bedroom time. NOTHING works!!!!!!!!
Amy says
I don’t know if this might be the case for you, but I know when I had my first little guy, I had high expectations and I often expected WAY too much of such a little guy. When I lowered my expectations and spent more time just being with him, his behavior greatly improved. Also, take a look at the things he is watching on tv and online. Children learn behaviors from those around them. And everyone likes to get their own way…3 year olds are no different. Try to slow down a bit and really see him for who he is and be honest about the influences in his life. Praying for you!
Sandra Hoffman says
I have a 3 year old that’s constantly bullying her 9 year old sister and 1 year old sister, and we tried everything to make her stop and she won’t stop. We got to the point to where boot camp will be the only option we need help please