For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a wife and mother. Every year, as my mom filled out my School Days book I dutifully came up with some appropriate career for her to write on the
What I Want to Be When I Grow Up line.
It was something like teacher or nurse or some such thing, but never was it wife and mother. Somewhere in my 7 year old head, I knew wife and mother just wasn’t what that phrase What I Want to Be When I Grow Up meant.
As I matured, I realized that my desire to have a home and family of my own was simply not enough in the world’s eyes. I went to college and pretended to be getting my degree so I could be a writer (or an editor if I couldn’t get a book to sell). When asked what I would be doing with my life after college, I never said what I really wanted to do…be a wife and mother.
When I became engaged at the age of 18, I was highly encouraged to wait until I finished college to marry. I married at the age of 19. I was then highly encouraged to wait until I finished college to start a family. I had my first child a month after I turned 21. I was still in college; so was Daddy.
My goal had been accomplished. I was a wife and a mother. I had a dreamy husband. I had a home, or rather, an apartment to call my own. I had a cute blond-haired little boy, and I was happy.
But, according to the world, this is not enough. This could not be true happiness. There is no possible way I enjoy this.
I have wasted my degree.
I have wasted my brain.
I have wasted money and time and effort.
I have noticed in certain circles, it is assumed I have nothing to talk about because I have baby spit-up on my shoulder. It is assumed I cannot speak intelligently about anything beyond breastfeeding and changing diapers. It is assumed I do not understand the business world because I stay home all day, immersed in toys and Cheerios.
These assumptions are a temptation to me.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I am tempted.
I am tempted to legitimize my stay-at-homeness by saying, “I’m a freelance writer.” I am tempted to vindicate my intelligence by spouting off my college GPA. I am tempted to lean toward verbosity (where “transgression is unavoidable” see Proverbs 10:19). All this, because I don’t want anyone to think wife and mother go hand in hand with lazy and ignorant.
But, who am I trying to convince?
Is it a world where a feminist regime makes my domesticity look “less than”?
OR
Is it a woman who fears they are right?
Am I so uncomfortable with the words wife and mother that I feel I need to resort to making up some long job title as a way of thumbing my nose at the world who is thumbing its nose at me? Do I feel as though the only way I am going to be taken seriously is if I pretend to be someone other than who I am? Or wait…
Am I afraid the Bible is wrong?
Am I afraid that when the Lord says young women are to be “keepers at home” that maybe, just maybe…it isn’t true? Or maybe He only meant a handful of women were to be keepers at home. Or maybe He meant that if you don’t have anything better to do, you could be a keeper at home.
And since, I had nothing better to do, I chose to be a keeper at home…a wife and a mother and that is it.
You see, every time I try to legitimize what I do by making it sound like something other than what it is, I am implying Scripture is not suffcient. I am suggesting that what the Lord deems the perfect place for young women isn’t really the perfect place for young women. I am suggesting that I have chosen one of many options. I am letting those around me know that I could be more like the world if I wanted to be because I have the college degree to back me up; however, in my piety, I have chosen a Titus 2 lifestyle. My attitude toward the words wife and mother speak volumes of what I believe to be the truth.
In the end it will not matter what my college GPA was.
In the end it will not matter if I wrote the great American novel.
In the end it will not matter how many people I impressed nor how many people I annoyed. (and I know there’s more than a few of you reading this!)
It will all come down to faithfulness. Did I “rightly divide the word of truth”? (2 Tim 2:15)
I have to stop making excuses, stop trying to sound bigger and better according to the standards of a sin-ridden world. I have to boldly speak the truth…
I did not pick wife and mother out of a long list of possible careers. It is who I am because I am HIS.
Jenifer says
Amen! Why is it that so many of us are affected by the world’s opionion of what we should be doing? If we ARE listening to the world then we ARE NOT listening to God’s Word. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Julie says
“In the end it will not matter how many people I impressed nor how many people I annoyed. (and I know there’s more than a few of you reading this!)”I’m not “impressed” or “annoyed” by your statements. I stand right beside you agreeing with your, and my, choice to follow God’s plan.Very well said.
Mom to 9 Blessings! says
Amy,May the God that created you – shine His truths so deeply in your heart that the world disappears to less than a whisper. Because who we are in Christ is way greater than any degree or success we could have here on earth. The greatest success is the title of your blog – raising blunt-edged babes to finely-sharpened arrows.To Him be all the glory forever n ever – AMEN! Because God won’t say to us the day we stand before great novel you wrote. He will hopefully only say “Good job and well-done my faithful servant” anything else will crush me.Blessings and all God’s love,Jill
Deedee says
One great big huge AMEN,AMEN,AMEN, AMEN!!!!!
Anonymous says
Amy,I feel this same way often. I do still work part-time out of the home, but only making a small amount of money. HOWEVER…I provide health insurance! BUT…I DO have a Bachelor’s degree in Education….my GPA wa 3.8….I AM taking classes for a nursing degree. I don’t even know if I WANT to be a nurse! I LIKE working only a little bit…I LIKE that I get to be at home alot…I DO feel guilty that the majority of the income needed rests on my husband’s shoulder’s, but WE WANT SOMEONE AT HOME WITH OUR CHILDREN!!! Did I convince you? I, too, am smart and educated, yet am “only” a mom…WE “only” mom’s are so blessed!Sincerely,Nicole Bourgeois nenesblessings.blogspot.com
For His Glory says
Wow, Amy, thank you! That was so wonderfully written, and so true. I, too, was engaged at 18, married at 19, and at 21 am trying to start our family (we actually just suffered a miscarriage). I have always known my calling to be a mother and wife, why am I ashamed? Or feel like I need to give someone who asks my career path a ‘proper’ answer? You hit the nail on the head. May I (we) never be ashamed of our calling as daughters of the King, as servants of His and to our family.
The Munck Family says
Bravo….words that I believe so many of us wifes & mothers would say the same. We are trying to raise our daughters to see wife & mother as the Word speaks of it. Our 17 yr. old daughter is now starting to get all the questions of what college are you going to. When she answers that she is going to stay at home and learn more about being keeping a home, boy do people think we are crazy. So what happened to the Titus 2 woman in the world today? Sadly she is looked down upon. As you said in the end who do we have to answer to and stand before, I’m sure our Lord won’t ask about our degree or worth. Thank you for this post!
lambechops says
Wow Amy,Yet again you hit straight to my heart. Only, I never thought I wanted to be a wife and mother. I have come to realise though, that it is not about what I want, it is about what God has planned for me, and He meant for me to be a wife and mother! Thank you!
Donna says
Amy…thank you for this post! Man, I needed to hear it. I have been struggling with feeling useless “just because I stay home with my kids” but I know it is just the world pressing in and the enemy whispering in my ear. I have been reading around on your blog a little bit and wanted to let you now I am praying for God to hold you close to Him and give you the peace only He can! Romans 8:15
Anonymous says
Amy, That was fantastic! I think that his post ranks right up there with your “Me-time myth” one!You are an inspirations and a blessing to so many of us SAHM’s!Michellehttp://www.homeschoolblogger.com/foxvalleyfamily/
kranberry216 says
I remember when Susan Sontag visited late in our senior year, she asked what you were going to do after college as she autographed your book. You said “I’m going to stay home and take care of my family.” It left a huge impression on me. I applaud you for being true to yourself – you are great at what you do.
The Culbertsons says
Thank you for expressing so well what so many wives and moms struggle with constantly. A great reminder that God has called us to be wives and mothers. It helps to put things in perspective.
Blessed_Mama_7 says
AMEN, AMEN and AMEN!!!Thank you for this post!
Anonymous says
I really like the comment about not finding anything better to do. I think I will say that next time someone asks, and let them chew on it for a bit! Of course some people won’t understand, but I think others may get the impact. I couldn’t find anything better to do because there ISN”T anything better to do! It’s hard to stay at home sometimes, but I still know there is no better place for me to be.
Kyle and Mandy says
Amen!!! That was a wonderful post Amy! I must confess that there have been many times that I have made sure to add the fact that I am an RN, but choosing to stay at home to care for my family. I don’t want to raise my daughters to be ashamed of this blessed calling!
Raising Olives says
Terrific post. I needed to be reminded that I do not need to justify my calling to others, thanks.Blessings,Kimberly, momma to 9
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Thank you everyone for stopping by and adding your own stories!
Angela says
Hi, I found your blog through Lynnette Kraft’s Getting to Know You. I really enjoyed this post about being a wife and mother. When I met my husband I was pursuing an Accounting degree at a 4-year private college with plans to go on to law school after that. But when I realized that my career dreams didn’t coincide with my “wife and mother” dreams, I quit college with only 3 semesters left to go and never looked back. I am now a 26-year old stay-at-home wife and mother of two children (plus one in heaven) and twins on the way. I don’t think any career or degree could ever have fulfilled me more than does being a wife and mother. Praise God that our identity is not in our educational background or in our career but in Christ!May God bless you as you continue to fulfill your calling!In Christ,Angela Squires
Tina says
Awesome post – very well said.Thank you so much for sharing and for the encouragement.In His love,Tina
Lucy says
Great post 🙂 I am a wife but not a mother…I am a minister’s wife…I find it so hard sometimes when the first thing people say to you is ‘so, what do you do?’ and I just can’t pigeon hole my life that way. It can get very wearing. Women are supposed to be everything these days, it seems. And society loves its labels…V. thought provoking post. thanks!!
Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend says
Love your blog. It is beautiful.Hope you will stop by my blog for a visit. I am new to blogging and I am loving all my new friends. I am giving away my first EVER BLOG PRIZE. I have a gift basket business and it is the most requested gift over the last 15 years. From the comments I have already received, it appears to be something a little different. I have been so touched by the comments that I have decided to give 2 boxes . They will be the $100 deluxe size. I really do want to bless people!!! I have decided that giving is life at its BEST. The drawing will be late afternoon on Saturday…wow that’s tomorrow!
seemommysew says
I felt moved just to let you know I was thinking of little Emily tonight and praying for you. You don’t know me, but I have been so blessed by your blog. God bless,Kristin
Nicole says
Don’t ever think wife and mother is not a valid title! Never, don’t do it to yourself! Wear it proudly. These babies are the next generation. You are training and preparing the Lord’s Army. That is the most important thing in the world!
Emily Spencer says
I love this (even four years later!). I was just recently hospitalized and was ask what I did for a living, I replied that I am a homemaker. The nurse then asked me what the last job to write down. I told her I’ve been a homemaker since I got married. She then looked at me with pity in her eyes as if I was stupid and unable to earn a living. Just as I was feeling down, my amazing husband stepped in and told the nurse that, “he makes the living and I make the living worthwhile”.
Julie says
Amy….
This is an older blog post of yours…as I can see by the date of 2009. But, I glad that I stumbled upon it today. I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS MYSELF, ALMOST WORD FOR WORD..I mean..it is totally my line of thought. It is me. I have thought the same thoughts e-v-e–r-y day. Why does it somehow make me feel better knowing that someone else out there feels this same way? I admire you for opening your heart and sharing this with everyone. Thank you, and gosh, I cannot help but wish I had known you back in 1997 when our first child was born. I felt this way too, but had no one to confide in. It is hard when, nearly 18 years later, children are nearly grown and I am left with feeling, “But– what about my job? It isn’t supposed to end so soon..there is nothing else I want to do but raise these kids and they are 14 and almost 18. Where does that leave me now? While other parents around me are celebrating of the nest nearing or becoming empty, I can’t help but to think that I cannot relate to them. I want more of motherhood, but it is too late…nearly. I am content in my role as a wife and a mother, but struggle with feeling robbed at the world’s view of motherhood…that somehow I let it control when and how many children I would be blessed with…instead of trusting in God to decide that for me. Or, did He already decide that and this is just a surge of emotions going through me as our children grown into young adults? I am not sure really, but I am sure that reading this blog post this morning sure blessed me beyond measure. May God bless you and thank you again for writing my heart today. 🙂
Amy says
((HUGS))
Reggie says
Ahh, just loved this. I have known since I was 10 years old or so that my heart’s desire was to be a wife and mother. I also had this ‘crazy’ longing to have a larger than normal family, you know, a ghastly amount of 4-6. I can honestly say though that I haven’t ever, not once, felt tempted to be something or someone else. Possibly because I actually voiced my heart’s desire as a preteen. Oh, the scorn that ensued. But whatever. I didn’t care then and quite frankly, I don’t care now. I realized a long time ago that only one Person’s opinion truly matters, and with Him, all things are possible. I’ve also been told I have the emotional depth of a sea urchin though, so grain of salt people, grain of salt.