I am a follower. Not the lemming-fall-off-the-cliff-mindlessly kind of follower. More like the I-just-read-a-great-book-and-now-I-have-to-do-things-just-like-the-author-so-my-life-will-look-as-good-as-theirs sort of follower. I hope I would stop short of jumping over the cliff.
Being the visual person that I am, appearances catch my attention. Being the fix-it person that I am, secret formulas appeal to me. Being the follower that I am, I figure if it worked for them, it will work for me.
I guess you could say I’m a bit of a “monkey-see, monkey-do, monkey-hope-it-works-for-me-too” kind of person! But, God’s been working on my monkeyness for a while now. Over the years, He’s shown me where I was doing things simply because someone else was doing them, always leading me to the heart of the matter. He continues to reveal this sort of thing to me all the time…
Just the other night, I was sitting in a hotel room watching TV…hmmm, that might have been where this story went wrong, but anyway…
The Dugger family was on and I found myself mesmerized (as are most people, thus the reason their TV show is so popular). This family is awesome and I certainly do not want to take that away from them, but as the show continued, I found myself analyzing every inch of their clothing and home and words and deeds, making mental notes along the way so I could implement every component of their secret formula.
Thankfully, the Lord has brought me far enough along in my recovery from monkey-hood, that I quickly recognized what I was doing. Michelle Dugger isn’t a good mom because she wears a skirt and has violin-playing children. I can’t throw on a skirt and force my children to learn the violin and expect the same results because outward appearances don’t make lasting inward changes. Copying someone else’s convictions may help facilitate a change, but it cannot sustain a change because God does the changing and He doesn’t need secret formulas.
But the LORD said to Samuel, €œDo not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.€
1 Samuel 16:7
It is perfectly acceptable to admire and look up to others who are heroes of the faith, but to analyze their appearance in the hopes of finding the secret of their success is the business of monkeys. If you see someone you admire or read something that inspires you, remember there isn’t any secret formula to who they are. It is Christ living in them, being the ruler of their entire being, that makes them admirable and inspirational.
Follow after Christ. Seek Him with all your heart. Let yourself be changed from the inside…the outside will naturally follow.
Renata says
Thankyou Amy for a great post – it’s so true – I often feel the same way about the Duggars (over here we can only get them on youtube)!
Since I have begun homeschooling I’ve often battled with what curriculum to use etc that other people who I respect recommend – it’s only been in the last couple of months that I’ve decided that what we use is right for us at the moment & I don’t have to be exactly like anyone else!
Hope you have a lovely week
Renata:)
amanda says
…and I thought I was the only one who was in love with the duggars. LOL I struggle monkey see monkey want it to work just like that for me, also. In fact my husband is building a family closet as i am typing this.
About a year ago my husband ask me to stop reading parenting and homemaking books, because I was so stressed out about the “right” way to do everything, it was stressing him out. So I went on a fast of sorts. It was a great time for God to work in me and help me let my rockstar husband lead. I am “allowd” to read that stuff again. I let go of being just like someone eles and can now gleen good information.
Christie DeSilva says
Great post. Well said.
Anna-Marie says
I love the saying monkey-see, monkey-do, monkey-hope-it-works-for-me-too†kind of person…I think I am one of those too but I am trying very hard to change my ways:) As Amanda above said I too read too many parenting books and try to implement different things stressing everyone out in the family. I guess I am still a work in progress. I will remember that saying and every time a “new” idea strikes me, hopefully I will put it in perspective. thanks for sharing…great post
Clara says
So true! We have to be ourselves, we can never be or mimic someone else!
Liz says
I struggle with this as well. This sentence “More like the I-just-read-a-great-book-and-now-I-have-to-do-things-just-like-the-author-so-my-life-will-look-as-good-as-theirs sort of follower.” really made me laugh as I could have written it about my life.
Lately I have just tried to remember that God called each of us to do something different, and what he calls me to do is not the same as any one else, so trying to be some one else is going against what I should do. I feel like He is really working on me right now and I think my want to imitate others that I think are doing “right” comes out stronger when I am going through change myself. It is hard to wait for me.
Thanks for the post, and reminder 🙂
abba12 says
I have to be so careful of not getting caught up, because I can get deeper and deeper, more and more extreme into anything if I leave myself unchecked.
Jenn says
Love the monkey illustration! What a great post. Needed the reminder, thank you!
Anita Chamblee says
It is so very easy to look at or read about other families or homeschooling moms and think they have it all together. Putting anyone on a pedestal is so dangerous. They will only fall! We have been so guilty of this in our lives and then are disappointed when we find out these families have struggles (sometimes more) just like we do. We have also found ourselves placed on a pedestal by others and than can be even more damaging. It’s very important for us all to be real….especially as homeschool blogging moms. It is so easy to post about the good days, the neat things we do and the clean, well-dressed kids that we have. But, we all know that is not reality. For every good day we have there are four other bad or just so-so days. For all the neat and exciting things we do there are many more mundane things and our children are not usually so neat and clean, but have dirty faces, may be barefoot and have lunch going down there shirts. I think we all need to remember that we all have our own struggles. There is no secret formula for homeschooling or parenting success. It would be great if there were, but life doesn’t work like that, does it?
Dawn @ Olive Plants says
I think this is your best post yet. It’s one of the trappings of blogging that I have to guard against. Thanks for the reminder.
Amy says
Aw, thanks, Dawn! I slaved over this post, praying as I went because the message is so difficult. Thanks for the encouragement!
Gayle says
I’m a recovering monkey, too, Amy. 😉
After realizing this about myself (a process, for sure), I now ask, “why emulate a sinful being when I’m created and purposed to emulate Christ, who in infinitely more perfect?”. Funny how the thing that usually attracts us to them is their godliness, but they are NOT God (not just talking about the Duggars.. I mean anyone). How easily our sinful hearts create idols, whether it be a person or a plan. May He in His great love for us, show us quickly when we are on the precipice of that pit. He alone is worthy!
Great post, as usual!
Amy says
It is funny how we humans put up idols so easily…always searching. *sigh*
Sara says
LOVE IT!! This is so true!! Thank you for sharing this…makes me look within, and I love that!! Great, great post!
Natasha Miller says
For a long time I had a little card posted by my mirror. It said, “What is your motive?” I probably should make a new one to put up. Many times my heart motivation for my actions are not pure even when the actions in and of themselves are good things.
I appreciated your post. This past week God has laid heavily upon me the need to pray for the hearts of my children. Knowing my own struggle for purity of heart, how much more must my children need God’s help to keep their hearts pure. I just posted on my blog a prayer for them, but it’s a prayer I must pray for myself as well.
Fruitful Harvest says
Amy,
Great post! So well written!
(I remember the monkey in the drawer picture from a past post) hee hee*
I to used to drive my husband batty tring to be like others. As I have gotten older I have settled in that reguard. I have not let the blogging world, TV shows or people I know in “real life” strike my heart with discontent. Sometimes I do still catch my self, but quickly get back on track to MY family and what is good for US.
Sometimes wishing I had a bigger house or this or that. etc.. Strumming chords of discontent with what I have. Forgeting for a momment that I am blessed beyond belief!
Instead, I change up my space with the resources I already have. (like you did for more counter space)
Get inspired but not enveous. (I use large cutting bamboo boards from Ross on my table for rollong out pizza and cookies. Its eazier for the girls to help too.)
Back to the topic…
Well done! Hope you had fun at the hotel!
hee hee (*wink)
Oh and I got the package Saturday! Thank you! 🙂
Peace and Joy,
Georgiann
Melissa says
I struggle with that too. God has been working on me in this area also. Great reminder. Thank you.
Amanda says
Amy, Everytime I read your post I feel more and more like I’ve found a new sister!! I struggle daily with this!! Especially since my husband and I have just made the commitment to allow God to be in control of our childbearing. I watch the Duggars too on tlc.com or youtube and try so hard to have their same faith. We have done small things in our life such as given up tv, I sometimes wonder if we did it to better our family or because it does work for the Duggars. I went and seen them in Louisville not too long ago, and Michelle is just this very humble woman. And no matter how many things I give up or change to what they do, that’s not going to actually grow my faith or make me humble. As I’m writing this, I’m breaking up a fight between my two oldest and in the past I’ve ask myself “How would Michelle handle this?” And just recenly have a come to realize, all she does is ask “How would Christ handle this?” And that’s what I need to remember!
Lisa~ says
When I am tempted to try to look like someone else I always think, “Those people have problems that I do not want,” and the temptation goes away.
No one is perfect, right?
Lisa~
Amy says
I remind myself of the same thing, Lisa. My husband is forever saying, “They put their pants on one leg at a time too.” We are all human and appearances are just that…appearances.
Stephanie says
Thank you so much for this post, Amy!! I struggle with the same thing, and sometimes find myself focusing more on following someone else’s “method” than just following Christ. Oh, the Lord is abounding in grace as He patiently continues to teach me.
I am a faithful reader, but rarely comment. I truly appreciate you sharing what the Lord is teaching you in such a gracious and loving way. He is honored, and we are sharpened.
Amy says
Stephanie,
Thank you so much for commenting and encouraging me! It is good to hear that what I write truly is glorifying God and blessing others! 🙂
Liz Stetler says
YES! I hear you! My own journey has been recognizing that my heart wants to make an idol of “information” – Great information! If I just learn the next thing, my world will be perfect! But information will never change my heart. My preacher husband just preached thru the book of Colossians (2:20-23)and to paraphrase – “You can make rules to control yourself and others – and they all appear very wise – but they do nothing to change the heart.” I want heart change for myself and my children – not just outwarnd change – now, God, please give me wisdom!
Katie says
Excellent reminder, from one recovering monkey to another. God is patient and faithful to redeem us from our idolatry!
Suanna says
Thank you for the great reminder. God is the only one who can make the difference.
Susan says
Needed this! Took my “spoiled-rotten-crying-everywhere-we-go-can’t-leave-the-house-13-month-old” to storytime at the library today just to try it out and of course she started screaming and we were asked to leave. So humiliating! I’ve been wanting to just give up all day. I look at those Duggars and think “How in the world can you ….. with that many and I can’t even sit through one church service without the nursery workers coming to get me!” Am I the only one who wants to swap a kid with Michelle for a day? I would love to see her want to pull her hair out with my child! That would honestly make me feel better!Just sayin…
Angela says
Wow! Great post, Amy! Thanks for provoking me to thought as you always do. 🙂
Carrie says
What a GREAT post.