After we brought Baby #4 (who just happens to be the little guy in the picture above) home in January of 2006, I sat on my couch and stared into nothingness, thoroughly overwhelmed and wondering what I had done. Every routine, every cleaning schedule, every aspect of my life suddenly stopped working. I felt inept and unable to do anything about it.
That’s when I became a quitter.
First to hit the chopping block was the time I spent outside the home. Prior to Keian’s birth, I had been involved in 4 different homeschool groups, taking field trips and attending meetings for each of them. I realized I could not keep that pace. I quit 3 of those groups. However, I did not pour that extra time and energy into the remaining group. I poured it into my time spent at home with the children.
The next thing I quit was my cloth diapering business. What had begun as a fun venture with a friend was quickly becoming an exhausting chore. I found I was spending time and money I didn’t have. I was selling one diaper only to buy fabric of equal value (if not more). My piles of fabric and unfinished projects made me cringe every time I walked by them. In addition, I found the old adage of “the cobbler’s kids go with shoes,” had become “the diaper maker’s kids go without diapers.” I had no time to sew for my own household because there was always one more product to promote or one more order to fill. I felt confined and bogged down. So, I quit.
From there I quit many other things that overwhelmed me and kept me from doing the job I needed to be doing at home. I methodically worked my way away from simply “parenting” and back to “mothering.” I re-prioritized and re-grouped. Quitting was essential to finding my way home.
As a mother, have you ever thought about what your goals are? Have you weighed your day against those goals? Do they balance? Is there something in your life that has become a chore? Are you overwhelmed by something? Are you hindered from being the mother you need to be?
The saying,
“Winners never Quit, Quitters never Win,”
isn’t entirely true.
I am a quitter and I am winning by making this decision.
Mrs. P. says
Great post Amy! When my children were young we too got involved in WAY too much. I liked my time demands to be more simple. My children thrived in that homey atmosphere where we weren’t always on the run. My husband got very good at putting boundries around our time (much better than I was)…family first, then church, then if there was time left we’d do something else. There were years that we didn’t do homeschool co-op because the kids prefered doing 4-H or something else. Now my kids are mostly grown (2 out of college and 2 still in high school) and I am so GLAD we quit or didn’t get started on many of the things we could have.
Blessings!
Gail
Sandi says
Here…Here for quitters!
Such a needed post. We can’t do it all. The whole idea of home education is to be at home and not just run the troops but really mother.
I just quit administrating part of a ministry at church. I enjoyed it but it pulled me in too many directions on Sunday morning and doing stuff at home.
I find when I do much more then school, train, cook,laundry and hang with my family it gets stressful. My husband commutes and is gone most of the day…so little to do makes for more energy for mama.
Long winded way to say…..thanks for sharing this.
mama4x says
oooh… convict me there… “parenting to mothering” ouch. Guess I needed that one. Thanks for your continual insight.
I am blessed! says
I quit a homeschool co-op a month ago because it was either that or Community Bible Study. It was hard because everyone was so nice at the co-op, but we have to have priorities and can’t do everything. Of course I quit work before that. That was a biggie! I don’t regret being a quitter one bit:)
Jennifer says
Thanks! 5 months ago we brought home baby #3 to join her 2 1/2 yr old and 14mo. old siblings and I quickly learned that being a quitter was the only way to to continue winning at home! I have quit after every child for a short while until we re-adjust but I have a feeling some of my quittings this time will last a bit longer. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone!
Anonymous says
Thanks Amy…I have been following your blog for a while. Interesting that you mention this, as we too are always evaluating and discerning how far we should go in getting involved. Things may seem profitable, but I am always called back to Titus 2:4, being busy at home, that the word of God may not be reviled. If we can’t get our dishes done, then maybe we need to stay home… I have had to defend on occasion our decision not to be involved in church ministry right now because I must first look after my relationship with God, Husband, Children, in that order of priority..besides 6 kids, a farm, & homeschool keep us busy enough..Thanks for the post!
Michaela Dunn Leeper says
You always seem to post the things I need to hear right now. Thank you!
Fruitful Harvest says
I know about the prority thing…my blog is taking a break.
Amy I wanted to say I’m sorry for not posting my homework first. I did my homework in a note book and was hoping to post before I took a break. I very much appriciate the info you gave on the creative writing. It has been very helpful.
I have been very tired lately and have been having trouble concentating to put a post together and now I have no desire to post.
The weather here has been dark and rainy…and the rythem of my home feels differnt. I’m not overwhelmed at all its just my kids are demanding more of my direct time and I don’t mind.
I like to read others blogs and though have much I could post about…the desire is gone for now!
I wanted to come say hi…and great post~
Its not so much about being a quitter as it is about being fruitful…. pruning the dead stuff so we get better blooms and bigger fruits! What are your(my) goals? and is the activity or group giving me what I need?
The answers are always changing as our needs and families change!
Blessings and Love,
Georgiann
Heart2Heart says
I would have to agree with you that some things need to be quit when they interfere with things that need to be a bigger priority. I too am sensing this very much lately.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Camille says
Very insightful post Amy! Well done…well said! God is NOT a task-master…we often pile too much on ourselves for whatever reasons…sometimes these are good and even legitimate things, but not necessarily expedient in our lives. Not everything BELONGS in every stage of living. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
Blessings,
Camille
Sherri says
My goodness Amy, you have NO idea how much I needed to hear this… THANK YOU!
I started pursuing a ministry leadership position about 3 years ago & when the pursuit of the education required just became too much of a financial burden, I had to “quit.” But I felt SO relieved… temporairly. I then poured myself out everywhere other than my home & family… and did a poor job at all of it.
With my most recent (3rd) pregnancy, I slowly started to “quit” nearly everything outside the home… mostly church related. By the time my baby came (11 wks. ago,) I had NO where to be and NO one expecting anything of me except my family & my new baby! I felt so free & so deeply in love with my position for the first time in my mothering profession!!!
But for some reason I haven’t been able to let go of the guilt that plagues me for “being a quitter.” I even had a lengthy discussion with hubby about this just 2 nites ago… Reading your post allowed me to wash myself of that guilt… literally… with tears… and feel vindicated in my decision for the first time.
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U!
~Sherri
MolleenCarie says
Great post, Amy. I have tears in my eyes. Your writing speaks to me so much.
Stephanie says
SO many times I have had to reevaluate our lives and activities and quit MANY. Right now I am evaluating my blogging routine..because it is taking more time than I’d like because I have allowed it too. Great post!
Anonymous says
I think you made a very wise choice. I truly do not believe anyone—including husbands—can understand how exhausting raising children can be. Sometimes the emotional exhaustion of dealing with being at home is worse than the never-ending physical drudgery.
Michelle says
Great post! I’m visiting from Raising Olives.
I only have 2 young ones and have a hard time balancing. I want to be in the floor with them; yet, I want them to be able to entertain themselves so I try to spend time away cleaning. But when I’m cleaning, I’m worried I’m not mothering. It’s a vicious cycle!
I hope to homeschool one day and hope I can get a good grasp on my goals! I’ve got a couple of years! 🙂
Rudy Rukus says
Great post!! I needed to hear it today! I want to be a quitter too!!
Sallie says
Great post!! I think we all need to be quiters at some point or another to truly understand what being a mom is all about!!
Too Many Kids In The Bathtub says
Oh what a blessing this post has been! I totally agree. I need to do that right now as our little 3 year old just broke his leg yesterday! Your post is proof that the Lord will never give us more than we can handle. We just have to let him show us how we can handle it! GREAT POST! Do you mind if I post about this post?
Mama Hen says
Great post! I too had to give up many things when our fourth was born, but it was really okay. I don’t miss those things and I don’t think the kids really did either. I also made a rule for myself that I would not volunteer for anything new (like teaching Sunday School) until the baby was much older (like 5). I have relaxed my rule a little as he has gotten older, but I like knowing I don’t have to do what I can’t do.
being molded says
I so desperately need to be a quitter. I am sitting reading this, on the verge of tears after a completely exhausting day of running around. I have such a hard time saying “no” to things. This is definitely something I will be praying for.
MommaMindy says
Thanks for sharing! I have come to the conclusion that while many women are not working, they aren’t always doing what they should be doing at home – investing in their children. We stay at home to be with THEM, not the house, not the activities mothers like, but THEM. I love an orderly home, healthy meals, crafting, sewing, but through the decades, I have continually held the reminder before my face that I am home for my children.
Tereza Crump aka MyTreasuredCreations says
I am a quitter too. I am 30 weeks pregnant and have 3 children under 6y.o. Gone are the constant outings, school work at the table and all these other time consuming things. Now, I am taking it easy. Laying down more, reading more books to my children, and taking less custom orders. All that until baby is born and then we will re-group and start again. 🙂
Erna says
We try to keep things simple around here and I guess the fact that I don’t drive helps me focus on being around home when my hubby is on his shifts. I get easily tired running all over. Now, with expecting baby #4, I have just quit managing a Yahoo Group and closed down my lapbooking blog. Yet, the release I feel from not having to maintain them or wonder if I should shut them down is wonderful. So, I’m a quitter. There are times I have quit quite a bit and I feel guilty but this post reminds me that my heart is where it needs to be . . . home.
Emilie says
Amen! So well said!
Blair says
I so needed to read this as I try not to panic while waiting on my #4 to arrive any time now.
Ally says
what a great post! A very uplifting message. thank you! I just told my husband last week I dont remember why I wanted to stay home. I feel like I stay home to be gone. I feel like I stay home with my kids to not spend time with them. Thank you again!! Much needed and very much makes me think! Have a blessed week
Reggie says
Amen and amen! I had been wrestling spiritually for some time now, when it finally dawned on me it was because I needed to quit! Quit attending Bible study during ‘school’ hours, quit trying to fit school in on a day that was already packed with appointments…quit trying to be everything to everyone and thereby neglecting who I was created to be…Mama. Loved this post!