This past weekend, our family went “home.” It was a beautifully cool and rainy weekend, and I took the time to really breathe deep and refresh.
Over the past several years I’ve become increasingly restless. I’ve struggled to feel content, but I was always able to push the discontent below surface. In the past several months, I have no longer been able to do even that. It just keeps bubbling up.
This past weekend, as we drove home, the frustrations bubbled over, and I reeled off my troubles as my husband clicked off the miles. What was supposed to be a pleasant drive suddenly become unbearable. We were at odds because I was at odds inside myself, and as I sat there in the uncomfortable silence that followed my tirade, I began to gain clarity that would extend throughout the rest of the weekend as we visited friends and family and said our final goodbyes to a dear friend who will soon be passing on.
I was waiting for my life to go back to the way it used to be.
I was treading water, and slowly drowning with each paddle. This weekend, God drug me to shore, and with a gasping breath, I finally moved forward.
This is where I have landed. Even though I look back fondly at my life 10 years ago, I am not there anymore, and it is quite possible I never will be again. I can’t live there when I really live here. I have spent years trying to go back. I wanted to relive those years, but in the process I’ve been missing the blessings of the present.
I’m an introvert, so moving a lot and trying to “fit in” in each new city we land in has been way outside my comfort zone. I never land softly; it’s always with bumps and bruises and broken pieces. But, I realized this weekend it is because I am constantly trying to go the opposite direction of where God is leading.
So, I’m starting to consider what changes need to be made in my life as I learn to bloom where I’ve landed. I’ve begun to do some decorating that I’ve neglected to do around here. I’m enjoying the current moment instead of anticipating the next moment. I’m slowing down. I’m noticing things and people around me.
It’s going to take time to relearn this “blooming” thing. But, I am eager and ready!
How about you? Ever had trouble learning to bloom? Ever feel like you are living in the past? Ever wish you were in different circumstance instead of being content where you are?