Coming Home {guest post}

{Note from Amy – The response to my post UNdomestic was overwhelming!  Look at how many of us there are!  Be encouraged!  Here is a wonderful guest post from my dear friend, Rebecca at Mom’s Mustard Seeds that shows how God can turn even the most stubborn heart toward home.}

I grew up to be UNdomestic.  My parents divorced when I was very young (3) and my oldest brother was killed in a horrible accident when I was 5.

Within two years, I witnessed loss from every angle a person can…until they lose a parent or become a parent.

I grew…with a key in my pocket.  My Mom was a great cook and required us to keep a clean home (cleaning took 3 hours every Saturday morning)….but, it was not a joyful time.  It was  a time of survival. Doing what must be done……to survive.

As I grew, I grew away from my family, I married young (eloped) and ran as far as I could.  I kept running…even after my husband divorced me.  I ran into the Air Force.

I had no desire to depend on anyone.  I decided….there were too many hurtful relationships in this world and no one could be trusted…and to depend on someone was a sign of weakness.

And I ran away from being domestic….as fast as I could.

I climbed the corporate ladder…and even though my previous husband and I remarried, I was determined….to remain UNdomestic.

Our first baby…..was the first sign that God was not going to let me remain in control.

You see…I made it through the AF, I climbed that corporate ladder, I even won back the man I fell in love with…….. but God decided, in his infinite wisdom….that baby should not be born.

He rocked my world.  He gave me a small taste of what my Mother experienced when she buried her first born…her oldest son….the pride of our community.  You see…he was a pretty amazing guy.  I still hear stories about how he stood up for people, was liked by all, was an amazing athlete…and everyone liked him…and his birthday, it’s the day before mine.  The day he died…a few days before my other brother’s birthday.

That shadow still remains.

So, my first babe….God took from my womb.  I fought with him, cried to Him and asked….if I had not endured ENOUGH pain in this world…..

and he began to break my heart

FOR HIM….

But, I kept pushing, climbing, pulling and running….

and while I did this, our oldest sent us through a new depth of learning from God, soon to be followed by a sister….who shapes this Mom’s heart daily.

Yet, I would NOT come home

until …I walked into my office one Monday morning and quit.  My husband sat in shock…you see, I climbed faster than he did…and when I quit, we lost 75% of our income…..and we did not live within his income…but, it took both of our pay checks to pay the bills.

That was 8 years ago. Since then…we have added one more sweet one to our family….we have a sweet sandwich:  two boys with a girl in the middle…

It has not been easy.  I am finally finding joy in cooking…and even cleaning.

I still do not enjoy ironing, but we do that to save money…instead of going to the dry cleaners.

We do not eat out often. No big vacations or fancy meals. We do not have the latest technology….and cable (tv for that matter) is a thing of the past.

I found some Titus 2 ladies….all providing me with counsel, love and wisdom.

That babe…that I still cry for….God is using…still, to this day.

My children do not live in that babe’s shadow.  But, they know they have a sibling in Heaven, with the rest of their family.  Often, we will set a place at the table…just for that missing babe….

that grew my heart and brought me home.

Is God using something to bring you home?

Rebecca is a corporate Mom-turned homeschool Wife/Mom -married to her best friend. You can often find her reading with her children and hiking in the woods. She encourages all families in all areas of life on her blog Mom€™s Mustard Seeds.