One of the many confidence building activities my children are engaged in on a regular basis.
I take my 13 year old shopping with me quite often. During these shopping trips, we tend to have deep theological and analytical conversations. Recently, the topic turned to self esteem.
Personally, I’ve come to really despise those words. They evoke images of school children being fed the garbage of self love while a servant’s heart and an attitude of gratitude are left to rot like the wasted scrapings of food from the cafeteria lunches. It seems wrong and sickening.
Yet, it is interesting to note despite the rigorous lecturing on self esteem, very few public-schooled children actually exhibit true confidence…a much more meritorious word than “self esteem” in my opinion. I told my son I believe homeschooling has a much better opportunity to foster the kind of confidence a person truly needs. Here’s my reasoning:
Institutionalized schooling is peer driven. Children are not influenced by teachers nearly as much as they are influenced by peers. Peers dictate who receives the most attention, what fashions are appropriate, what music to listen to, and how one should behave. Children in this situation often find they cannot cope with being unique in any way that the peer-driven culture finds odd or different. They are either forced to conform or forced to seek refuge in others who are different…even if it is not the same different. From there, they find themselves still needing to conform to the peers within the “odd” group or face ousting from the only group that even remotely accepts them for who they are.
Therefore, a true and unique identity is never cultivated. It lays dormant, hopefully springing up in adulthood. Meanwhile, a child’s confidence receives brutal beatings, from which some never recover.
In the ideal homeschooling setting (notice I say “ideal”), a child is allowed to be unique. They spend the bulk majority of their time with people who truly care for them, and therefore, have no need to conform in order to gain acceptance. If they do come across peers who make them feel as though they are lacking, parents are there to give advice and explain differences.
I do not believe kids need more self esteem. We have a whole generation of “kids” who think they are the center of the universe, but haven’t the godly confidence to do anything honorable and noble and righteous.
We have to teach our children to think for themselves. We have to teach discernment and knowledge directly from God’s Word so they know Truth and have a measuring rod by which to measure everything out there. That is why I believe homeschooling has an advantage over public schooling.
Christian homeschooling, that is.
As Doug Phillips so aptly puts it,
You can homeschool for the glory of Satan.
In a Christian homeschool that is functioning as a CHRISTian homeschool, a child is taught Truth when they rise up and when they lie down. Everything they encounter is filtered and sifted through a worldview based on Christ’s teachings, rather than pop culture. Their measuring rod is Christ Himself…nothing else matters. And every piece of the homeschooling day reinforces this ideal.
Parents, homeschooling or not, this is where I tell you something very important…
Don’t let the world school your children. If you want to raise confident young men and women who will reach this world for Christ, you cannot steep them in anything other than Christ. The places you go, the activities you engage in, even the curriculum you use MUST point to Christ. This is where true confidence comes from.
For you have been my hope, Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
Psalm 71:5
Rebecca says
I actually read somewhere that the people in our society that have the highest self-esteem are those in prison. Shows how far that will get you!
Great post!
hillbillywoman says
This is true!
Bren- says
I have long adhered to the belief that we are not to build self-esteem in our children, but self-worth. And that their self-worth comes in their value to the Lord. They are nothing without Him. And there is nothing worthwhile that they can accomplish without Him. We don’t build up our children, we build up the Lord and encourage their relationships with Him. And we love the stuffing out of them…on their up days, on their down days, and everything in between. Great message today, Amy!
Blessings,
Bren-
Sheryl Fox says
Amen!!!!!
Sheryl Fox says
Thank you so much for this article. It is so true. We have noticed that our daughter has begun to blossom into an independent, confident, thinking young lady with Jesus as the center. Homeschooling and the benefit of that flexibility has been the best socializer(if that’s a word??)for her. Contrary to what the education system wants out there, she also has a great time with kids her own age. It has been a positive experience and we will continue it with our son who just recently turned 2. God Bless you guys and thanks for your encouraging blog:)
Jamie says
Yes! Our 16year old daughter (who has only been part of our family for less than 2 years) was in public school through the end of 7th grade. Her whole identity is still tied up in what her peers do and think. It is taking so much time to counter-act that! She thinks she is independent, but she isn’t — yet. With God, that is indeed possible, but it’s hard!
Thanks for another encouraging post.
Oh, and that Douglas Wilson quote is VERY convicting!
Michelle says
Big thumbs UP!
Rachel says
Love, Love, LOVE this!! Very true and well said!
Heather says
Thank you for articulating this so perfectly. This is something I already knew, as my husband and I both lived it in our public school experiences. It is actually one of the reasons I feel that God had it in his plan for us to marry so young; in our relationship, focused on God and one another, we were both able to stop worrying about what other people wnated from us, and to figure out who we really are and who God intended us to be. There is nothing more liberating (and confidence building) than the kind of love God intended in families 🙂 So I really appreciate you making this connection for me…it helped me to be able to explain one more reason that I feel we are led to homeschool our little ones.
Carrie says
Wow. I really am growing to detest the lie of “self-esteem” and am so glad you are talking about it. I didn’t catch or learn any esteem when I was in school, even though I heard about it. It’s such a bunch of garbage. My value comes from Christ, and I wish I had learned that earlier.
One of my daughters is very much the “non-conformist” type, in the sense that she likes what she likes and that’s what she wears or says. She can be wearing pink fingerless gloves, pink leopard print rainboots, and a dress and be dancing to Hosanna, and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She is secure at home, and Hub and I encourage her to be who she is, as long as it is God-honoring. I actually have a fear of what public school (should she need to go for some reason) would do to her. I think it would crush her spirit.
This is such a well-timed encouraging post. Thanks!
Liz C says
You can probably hear me shouting AMEN from the Rockies! “Self-esteem” is essentially worthless. Self-respect and confidence are far, far more important. I had a conversation with one of my younger brothers once, and he said that a particular counselor was saying that all my brother’s challenges stem from low self-esteem. I asked him what worthwhile things he’d done in the world recently, and he was puzzled. “Sometimes, poor ‘self-esteem’ is just plain old common sense kicking in. DO something good in the world, and you can look at yourself in a positive way.”
I want my children to know who they are in God’s eyes, and in mine, and with that kind of fan club, no one else’s opinion counts. 🙂
hillbillywoman says
I agree! Great post!