“Lord, I have nothing left to give.”
I spoke those words from a heap on the floor. I was empty. I was broken. I was lost.
When I started this homeschooling journey, I was an arrogant 24 year old college graduate. I believed my education and mothering abilities would “save” me and my homeschool. Surely, I was smarter and better equipped to teach my own children than some woman in some classroom down the street. Surely, my loving arms and cheerful heart would envelope my children and give them all they could possibly need in a loving education. Surely, I was enough.
But, it wasn’t long before I came to end of myself.
I naively believed my days would resemble Cassatt paintings and Tasha Tudor storybooks, when in reality, I was constantly meeting myself coming and going. How in the world was I going to homeschool these children when I had nothing left to give?
But, it wasn’t that I had nothing left to give. It was that I hadn’t given what I had.
Homeschooling is like loaves and fishes. You bring what you have, and you surrender it.
In Sarah Mackenzie’s book, Teaching from Rest, she writes,
“We bring our basket – whatever talents, skills, abilities we have – and we seek Him with everything we are. He works the miracle.”
{You can find Sarah’s book here.}
When you set your hand to the task of homeschooling, you must be willing to not only bring what you have to the table, but you must be willing to surrender every last bit of it to the Lord.
And trust me when I say, you DO have something to offer. Even when you are at the end of yourself, you have something to offer. God gives gifts to each of us. He did not leave you out, homeschool mama. But, you may have to look hard and deep at who He made you to be, and what it is you must bring to the table and surrender to Him so He can fully use it {and you} in your homeschool.
For me, it is a love of teaching, and of history and of good books. It is conversations and relationships. It is my desire to seek and search. I bring these things about myself to the Lord, and He who formed me in my mother’s womb, takes what He already knows about me, and asks me to give them up so that He can transform them into HIS image and HIS desire for my homeschool.
I am not enough. I am His, and HE is enough.
Homeschooling is not easy, and when we wear out and come to end of ourselves, it doesn’t mean God is telling us we are done. He may be telling us to COME. Come, with our burdens and our basket of loaves and fishes, and drop it all at His feet.
What is it you have to offer? No matter how meager, bring it to Him. Your tiny basket of loaves and fishes, it is His, and He will use it, if you will simply let go of the basket.
If you feel led, please share what it is you have to offer. Share any stories of surrender in your homeschool that may encourage other moms to let go of their burdens and their baskets. Thank you.
Peta says
Lovely post Amy, I will have to check out that book. Peta
Ellie says
Amy,
I too had big ideas as to what our homeschool would look like. We are only 5 years and 2 of 4 kids into the journey, but knowing how much I’ve had to change and rearrange since I started, leaves me wondering what will happen in times to come! I read “Teaching From Rest” this fall and it was a God send. I’d say it’s the book that has most changed me as a teaching mama. It came at a time in my life of depression, constant exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed. That book helped me regain a vision and reminded me that God will not ask of me something I cannot give. What do I have to offer? Love, a place of belonging, a place to try and fail and be encouraged to try again, a hug, an encouraging word, a love of scripture and lots of time to memorize it, a voice to read aloud interesting books to my struggling reader, learning and loving history along side my history buff…. The list goes on! One thing that has struck me just recently when I was with some other homeschoolers, I was amazed at what the other families were learning, instead of feeling inferior or like I was failing, I thought of how diverse and complex our next genertion will be. If all of those children had been in public school they’d be learning the same exact things. Instead each little family school is emphasizing different topics and going deeper into different areas of studies. Later, as a whole, our community will have a much wider breadth of knowledge because of the differences in what they’ve been taught in their homeschool. Blessings- Ellie
Amy says
That is a beautiful thought – the next generation being diverse and complex!
Stephanie says
Yes a beautiful thought about the next generation.. But your whole comment apoke to me, as this blog post did. I feel so inadequate sometimes.. Sometimes everyday, with my 1st grader, kindergartener, and my 2 and 3 year olds.. It’s just overwhelming sometimes and the pressure of “is he falling behind?”, I just feel like I’m not doing anything right some days. I will have to read “Teaching From Rest”.. Sounds like my kind of book.
Mrs.Momof7 says
What a timely message! Just the other day the Lord opened my eyes to a revelation about myself… All my growing up years I was a “jack of many trades, master of none”… I’m still that way today… FUNNY, it’s EXACTLY this that God uses in my homeschool. I don’t know a lot about anything… but I have ALOT of “mini-talents”, painting, drawing, reading, singing, teaching, P.E., oh the list goes on… So many things to do, so little time!! Turns out that it is exactly right for my kids… of the 7 I have so far, no two of them have the same talents and interests. My three girls have varying talents in handicrafting (crochet, knitting), and painting/drawing, singing/math… My oldest, a son, is also a “jack of all trades”, and dabbles in a little of everything.
I can’t give my kids a DEEP TALENT, such as you see in some homeschooling families that all play the violin, or the piano, or sing in incredible harmonies… But I CAN spread before them a wide array of choices, and be happy to learn it all… I can start them all on a little bit of something… a year of piano, a year of crochet, a year of drawing… or writing… or whatever, enough to spark their imaginations, GOD fills in the blanks!
Amy says
I often feel the same way, Meg. My son told me recently that he likes that he knows about so many different things – he feels like he can speak to many different people because of it. And yes, God DOES fill in the blanks!
Jen says
This is very encouraging! I needed this today, thank you!!
Amanda P says
Oh my goodness, I am feeling this now. Some days it’s like what am I doing and I don’t know if I can keep on going. I feel like giving up on homeschooling at times. Great post. When the focus is on the “I” part, my abilities alone,I definitely can’t do it. Thanks for the encouragement!
ashley says
Totally needed this today! God always has a way of speaking to us, and today He used you in my life! Thank you.
Kb says
This is a very encouraging post! I am a product of public school and am not very “academic” where I can tell you all about the rules of grammar, or piece together my own curriculum because I understand all the “ins and outs” of each subject and what the goal is in each all while fully assessing each child’s learning style. ( <–although that last sentence might be a run-on sentence 🙂 I often feel inept, but the alternative of not homeschooling isn't an option. So I press on based on the conviction the Lord has given my husband and I and do the best I can, all the while constantly quoting James 1:5 ????
Anita says
Hi Amy, I just want to share this link and these products with you, they are an Australian family who have set scripture to music and also written a Biblical parenting course. I love them myself and thought maybe you’d like to know/share about them.
http://www.parentsarise.com.au/
Linda says
Thank you so much for all that you said and have to say . I know that u were inspired by the Holy spirit. I felt that as I was reading your story. It made me cry , so heart touching.
Arlene says
You have been GOD’s voice speaking to me….. He lead me to this article to tell me that i have to OFFER WHAT I HAVE AT HIS FEET & JUST LET GO….
Thank you for your sharing your loaves…