Nearly 7 years ago, my husband traded in his police uniform for dockers and a polo. He officed out of our home in a tiny multi-purpose room at a desk I had purchased at a thrift store. For 2 ½ years, he didn’t just bring his work home, home was where he worked.
Then came a promotion.
A promotion to the main office.
A promotion that took him out of his home office and into a suit and tie in a cubicle all his own.
And I mourned.
Homeschooling families are used to hearing the word ENTREPRENEUR. {In fact, I can even spell that word without looking it up!} We are familiar with the notion of Dad coming home to work at home. We homeschool moms are often found lamenting the fact that our husband either doesn’t have a job or a boss who will let him work from home or he has no skill or desire that would allow him to start his own business. We watch documentaries of dads working alongside their families and we mourn…just as I mourned.
But I have repented.
I cannot possibly bless my husband, and more importantly, my Lord, if I am forever throwing a pity party over the way I think things ought to be. More than likely, my husband will never again office from home and more than likely, he will never own his own business. That isn’t the path God has him on. How can I mourn?
As Christian wives, we must choose to…
- bless our husband’s vision right where he is.
- realize that even when he seems to have no vision, it does not mean he is out of God’s will.
- avoid shooting down his aspirations when they don’t line up with our vision.
- be available to him as a helpmeet no matter where he works.
- refrain from pushing and shoving to get our way.
- remember the fact that working from home has its own set of difficulties.
- be content.
We have to let go of the notion that the only right way to live is on a 10 acre farm with our own milk cow and chickens within walking distance of Grandma and Grandpa. This is not God’s will for everyone and it is not the epitome of biblical living. It is wonderful and perfect for those who have been called to it, but if it is not for me and my house, then I must follow the Lord in the direction He sends me and stop looking over my shoulder at my own wishes.
Life becomes abundant when we stop badgering our husbands to do and be something they are not.
My husband is a businessman. His career does not consume him. His God comes first. His family comes right behind. He does not compromise…ever.
And I will do him good and not evil…
all the days of my life.
***********
{You can also find me today at Raising Homemakers talking about A Girl’s First Domestic Domain.}
Clara says
I know exactly what you mean… and my husband has tried to start up his own business, working from home but we came to realise that is just not the kind of person he is. He needs to get out and work for someone else. So we have had to learn to be content in that area too. Discontent never brings joy! Thanks for this post, Amy, it reminded me to keep working on being content (and the kind of wife my husband needs)! 🙂
Blair says
This is good. Do you have any advice for a wife who’s husband is desperate to entrepreneur but she doesn’t feel the timing is right? How does she let go of the securities of insurance and pensions?
Amy says
It is perfectly alright to give input and gently offer your thoughts on any plans your family is making; however, if your husband is really wanting to do this, then follow wholeheartedly, doing whatever you can to make the transition easier. The entire family will be miserable if mama isn’t on board…even when she doesn’t feel like it. Your husband is the head of your household and he should be able to trust in you to be trusting in him. And if the whole thing turns out to be a mistake, God will still bless you for being faithful.
I know it isn’t easy, but God doesn’t call us to do easy things. 🙂
Blair says
Ouch! Totally the advice I would give if my own emotions weren’t tied up in the situation.
Amy says
Oh, those emotions complicate everything, don’t they?! {hugs} to you, because I know this isn’t easy in any way, shape, or form.
Danielle B says
Now I would say share how you feel. Don’t blindly follow. Even though I’m a helpmeet, my husband still respects my opinion, he knows I can share a lot of wisdom. And there are times he wanted to do something and I would share my heart, and he would change his mind.
Celee says
Yes, we must learn to be content! You know what’s funny? My husband is a pastor and has a lot of flexibility. He isn’t home all the time, by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s here a lot. It has taken me YEARS to get used to. My dad was up bright and early and to work by 7:30, home again at 5:30- each and every day. My husband’s schedule changes day to day. He works several nights each week. Since he works at funny times, he sleeps at funny times. It’s been such a touch adjustment for me. Much of the adjustment has been in my “thinking” department. I’ve had to realize that there’s not just one right way to provide for your family and not just one right way to schedule your life. And after that adjustment, I was able to enjoy having him here : ).
Amy says
Ty also has a very flexible schedule, but he doesn’t actually work from home. But even the flexibility can create craziness around here. Every work situation seems to have an adjustment time to it!
Angela says
Wow, I needed this today, AMAZING how God speaks to us through others. This is an area I have been trying to let go, I want that homeschooling work at home thing too so much but my husband just doesn’t seem to desire it the way I do and truly doesn’t seem to be wired for it. Thank you for reminding me that God has him right where he wants him and if HE wants him to change that area HE will tell my husband, not ME! God is using our husbands many times in the world to be lights and witnesses in their workplaces. HE has them there for a reason. Thanks
Angela
Amy says
Amen, Angela!
Caroline @ The Modest Mom says
Thank you for your post Amy! I actually am on the opposite end of the article, as my husband is self employed, but there are times (yes I’m going to admit it!) where it is difficult that he is home so much. The children are not in a “school mode” so much when daddy is around, and it gets hard to start my mornings when he is here doing his billings, etc. But I wouldn’t trade us owning our own business for anything. The time my husband is able to spend with the children is such a blessing. I agree with what you have written, we need to learn to be content wherever we are in life. No, we do not need to have the farm with daddy here discipling the family every minute in order to raise a godly family. Like you said, every family is different, and God has a different plan for all of us!
Amy says
I do remember how difficult it was to get our day started when Daddy was home, but those are precious memories. 🙂 Ty has a lot of flexibility in his job right now as well, so we are very blessed in that way. I’m ever so thankful for the contentment the Lord has given me concerning all of this!
Jillian says
Amy, this was so perfect for me to hear. My husband is a police officer and he works nights.(7pm-7am) Because of that, he’s sleeping when our days are in full swing. It’s so hard to keep 7 kids quite so he can get the rest he needs. I’m always thinking of how nice it would be if he worked from home. And, I’m sure it would be. But, you’re right. I have to trust God that this is where He wants us. I can’t remember where now, but God does tell us to be content with such things as we have and not to compare ourselves. Thanks for the encouragement!
Blessings,
Jill
Jillian says
P.S. I’ve been meaning to mention that I like your new header. It’s looks light and airy. Did you do it yourself?
Jill
Amy says
Thanks! 🙂 Joy from FiveJs did it because I am anything but a designer! lol
Mrs. Mary Joy Pershing @Learning to Live a Surrendered Life says
Great article. There are pros and cons to each situation…and each family is uniquely created by God with unique and gifted people in each one. And we all look different. Thank you for sharing that fact. I know it can’t be easy to deal with change. I have a hard time dealing with change sometimes too. (Boy do I ever) I am learning to trust God no matter what the area of change is that I am struggling with. Love this article…and thank you!
Tonya says
My husband’s job is classified and has been for the past 15 years. I’ve been in his office ONCE in those 15 years. Talk about the complete opposite of a work-at-home Dad! It is difficult at times and oh how I would love to have him with us every day. But the reality is, it would drive him crazy and eventually drive me crazy! I’m so thankful he has a good job and does well at it!
Cathy says
Not me!! As much as I love my husband, I run the house more efficiently when I’m here by myself. He was home for 2 years, and I had a tendency to turn him into my helper (instead of the other way around) which is patently unnbiblical. He has much regard for me as the weaker vessel and was always willing to help me with childcare, household chores, etc. When he’s out working, I enlist the children’s help to get things done, or find ways to do things more efficiently myself. Last but certainly not least, how can we as Christians spread the gospel (through actions as well as words) if the entire family unit is home everyday? I’m sorry but it seems like a ploy of the devil to turn our homes into bushels our light is hidden under. Jesus told his disciples to go OUT into the world… and that’s what I like my man to do! It’s my joy and pleasure to keep the home fires burning while he’s gone. Another great benefit is that his absence makes me long for his presence.. keeping our 15 year marriage fresh and romantic 🙂 JMHO!
Amy says
Beautiful sentiments, Cathy! 🙂
Grateful for Grace says
Oh, thank you for saying this! I’ve gotten so frustrated with the mindset that the best or most godly way for a family to live is for the father to work from home. I had a blog post in the works, but it kept coming out wrong. You said it just lovely.
I have a hubby that the LORD has not called to work from home. I have been sad about it at times, but other times I see why and have been hurt by people with the attitude that we could be more godly of a family or be living God’s ‘best’ if my husband worked from home. I do not see this in Scripture.
I *do* see that loving him and blessing him and encouraging him and helping him, though.
So, I’ll keep doing that.
in Him,
GfG/Mindy
Amy says
Exactly! 😉
Ginger says
Speak it, girl!
danielle says
I seriously cannot thank you enough for this post!!!!!!!!!!!!
…danielle
Michelle says
This sounds like inspiration straight from Doug Phillip’s audio, A Wise Woman’s Guide to Blessing her Husband’s Vision. I just got it, and wow, what great inspiration!
Amy says
It’s been a while since I listened that set! I should pull it back out again! 🙂
Jasmine says
Amy, this spoke to my heart today. Thank you.
Janelle says
I almost skipped over the article at first because it was such a foreign idea to me. I’ve never known anyone to wish their husband worked from home. I am one of many many women I know who long to be a stay at home mom. I was fortunate enough to be able to find a job I could do at home. I have an in-home childcare business and I did not feel blessed at all, I resented it for many years. Trying to work an angle, badger and guilt my husband into getting a better job, a second job, go to school, or lower our lifestyle standards so I wouldn’t have to earn an income. I worked ridiculously hard but as I’ve learned to not just accept but embrace where God has me and stop blaming my husband the work doesn’t seem so hard anymore and I’m finding the more I enjoy running the daycare the more my kids are enjoying it with me. So I found that even though my “wish” was different the emotions, struggles, and lessons are the same. 🙂
Amy says
Well said, Janelle! And isn’t it interesting how when our attitudes change the work changes as well. 😉
Karey Clark says
What a wonderful post. Im calling my husband at work right now and thanking him for providing for our family. Thank you for the reminder to love and honor my husband even when our visions don’t exactly match up.
Amy says
Yay, Karey! I’m sure he will appreciate it! 🙂
Kimberly says
My husband and I would LOVE to have him work from home, (that is the *someday* goal) however, especially in this economy…we consider ourselves blessed that he has a job! He knows so many who are currently unemployed.
God has blessed me so very much to have an industrious husband…with a never ending work ethic!
I am so grateful for my hardworking husband. I never know what project he is going to pick up next!
Amy says
I feel blessed too to have a husband who actually has a job. Complaining only breeds discontent and a home always in strife.
Ginger says
Excellent post! Godliness with contentment is great gain!
Hubby and I have talked about the possibility of him working from home, making that a goal. But honestly, he wouldn’t do well in that environment. He has excellent work ethic, but he doesn’t feel motivated to work when he’s at home. And I’m just so thankful he has a good job in this economy, that I can’t complain. God is a gracious provider. He knows just what we need.
Ginger says
Ok, I admit I skimmed the post. Just saw this and cracked up:
“We have to let go of the notion that the only right way to live is on a 10 acre farm with our own milk cow and chickens within walking distance of Grandma and Grandpa.”
That is a lot of women’s dreams I understand, but doesn’t sound the least bit desirable to me. I’m a city girl. We had a dozen chickens last year. They killed all our grass. We now have no chickens and a dirt backyard. I’d much rather buy raw milk than milk a cow. And I love my parents, but walking distance is just way too close! LOL
Amy says
HA! Thanks for the giggle this afternoon…(and actually, I have to agree!)
Amy says
Amen, Ginger!
Lisa says
I have had similar feelings. My husband used to work from home about one day a week. It was beautiful. I could leave some kids home to run errands or go to appointments. I just loved knowing he was in the house, nearby. Last fall he got a promotion, and that was basically the end to working from home. I have had to adjust and move forward. I am continually growing in becoming a better helpmeet.
Amy says
Lisa,
My husband’s promotion was also what took him out of the home. It was a tremendous adjustment and one I kept thinking needed to go back to the way it was; however, I now see other advantages and realize my husband enjoys his job and is able to minister to many people because of being in that environment rather than at home. It is so wonderful when we change our attitudes and bless him right where he is. 🙂
kelly @ In Everything says
So timely for me right now!! For the last 7 years my husband (and our family) has been serving a small, older church as a pastor. WE have a great parsonage and I am/was soo CONTENT in my tiny little town:)He recently accepted a full-time position as a local college which he is super excited about. I”m thankful for this opportunity for him but GONE are the lunches together daily, leaving extra kids with him to have lunch with other pastor wives’ or doctor appts!
I feel like I’m fighting the changes… the moving, the house hunting, new church, the new schedule… inwardly! I needed to hear that others whose husbands have normal hour jobs after having them “at home” feel a sense of loss. And that I need to be purposeful in having the correct attitude of thankfulness that I can stay home and he has a job that provides!
Amy says
Sometimes all we need is to know we are not alone. 😉
Amy says
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for writing this! It needed to be said!
Amy says
You are welcome! 🙂
Jasmine @ Ponder the Path says
So much of this post hit home. My husband retires from the AF in 2 years, and I would LOVE for him to have a business (especially working with our sons). But you are right, that may not be what the Lord has for him.
I really enjoy many of the books and CDs Vision Forum publishes, but I had to set them aside and stop reading them. I was becoming so discontent with what the Lord had given me in my husband (because he didn’t line up with so and so’s idea of the role of a husband). I had to learn that the Lord created my husband and he may not look like any other Christian husband (praise God!).
Thanks for reminding me!
Emily B says
Dear Amy,
This post is wonderful and so needed to be said, thank you! So much precious time in our lives can be wasted thinking, circumstances should be, “such and such & should be so and so” before we can be content and joyful. (unfortunately I know first hand.) One thing I have learned lately is that we are not “cookie cutter” Christians. I do believe it can be a huge blessing for fathers to work from home, but for some, maybe it is not in God’s will.
(right now…or ever?) A second thought, I have to agree with Jasmine above. I have had the same experience with my choice of reading and listening materials. There are so many God honoring resources out there that we can glean so much from, although, it can become all consuming and depressing, if we allow it.
Blessings to you and Yours,
Emily B. (in Maine)
Susan says
Wow this was a great post nad it spoke right to my heart. My husband went back to college 3 years agoa and graduated this May. He is now in search of a better job possibly even in a different career. I was very sad and couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to figure out a way to work form home or own his own business. He has told me many times I went back to school for my family not for me. I wan to be able to get to a level where I am not hte lowest one in mangaement that I get all the midnight calls. The Lord has really changed my hear and i can see how selfless my husband has been throught this journey.It has been done to serve his family and his God. Thanks for posting this because i too have fallen into the trap that my husband is not a Godly man because he is not with us all the time. Which is a lie staight from the Devil.
Susan
Jess says
…live on a 10 acre farm with cows and chickens….I told my husband about that one and we both agreed that you wrote that directly to my heart. This is an area I struggle with contentment. Thanks for reminding me that I need to bless not only my husband, but also children, by being thankful for our situations and circumstances.
Blessings,
Jess
Amy says
{hugs} 🙂
Rebecca says
My husband has never worked from home. I think I wouldn’t like it, the kids are so hard to get motivated and to do school and chores when he’s here during a weekday. I am really just thankful he has a job in this economy!! Thankful he also is convicted that I need to be home and homeschool the kids. I do thank God for that every day.
Priscilla says
How funny! I believe the Lord had me read this for a reason. My husband is very much an entrepreneur and has owned his own business and worked in our home for the last 12 years. We live in the country with Grandma and Grandpa right next door (his parents) who have chickens and goats so all the fresh goat milk and eggs we want. The problem with it all is that I find myself very unhappy with all of it. Sometimes I wish my husband would get a “real” job and living so close to my inlaws is not always easy. But I know no matter what side we are on, the grass is not always greener on the other side. This is where the Lord has me, and I can only be content when I rest in Him.
Jimmie says
I find that the time apart is really, really good for us. I would dislike my husband’s working at home. Well, I guess if he had a dedicated spot that wasn’t in the center of activity and if he were really working, then it might be okay. But when he’s home, making phone calls, watching videos in the middle of our homeschool day, it’s a true distraction.
Amy says
Yes, Ty working from home had its downside as well.