What started as a way to keep track of morning sickness has become a beautiful tribute to all my precious children. In my humble opinion every pregnant mother should consider keeping some sort of pregnancy journal. Here are the reasons why I believe this is so very important.
*The journals offer precious memories. The things I wrote in all those journals are but memories now. Some I would never have remembered had I not written them down where I could go back for years to come and pour over the pages of another time and place.
*The journals offer comfort. I’ve had 2 miscarriages. Losing a pregnancy is excruciating and causes you to lose the bliss of being pregnant. It is a comfort to go back to other pregnancies and read of my fears and the resolutions to those fears when I am at my most vulnerable.
*The journals offer insight. The pages of those journals are marked with God’s working in my life. There are many, many prayers scattered across those pages. There are cries to God for mercy and grace. Line after line tells a story of God holding me up when I could no longer stand. Pregnancy tends to bring you to a place where you must rely on Him or face utter despair.
*The journals tell a story. The journal in the center with the little blond-haired girl is Emily’s. Those pages contain the story of a difficult pregnancy and a beautiful, angelic little girl who was not for this world for very long. That journal gives this grieving mother solace.
The journal directly to the left belongs to my eldest child. In it, you can read of my excitement over being pregnant for the first time, and of my utter dismay over the morning sickness not letting up after the first trimester.
The journal to the left of that is my oldest daughter’s. She was born following my first miscarriage. Those pages tell the story of a mother dealing with fear, quelled only by the most horrendous morning sickness ever. It also tells of a VBAC journey that resulted in a beautiful little girl and a vindicated mama.
To the right of Emmy’s journal is a journal shared by my daughter and son who are but 16 months apart. There you see a mother relying on God to bring her out of debilitating fear after suffering yet another miscarriage. You also see a mother trying to work out what life would be like caring for children so close together in age.
On the far right is Micah’s journal. It is a dichotomy between a mother’s grief and a mother’s joy. You read within those pages of an insecure woman who wants to be pregnant forever because she is not sure she is capable of caring for another child, only to find God’s mercy and blessings on the other side.
And finally, the little black and red journal on the right belongs to this baby. The story is still unfolding. Layer after layer is being peeled back as I journey from knowing this child only through blurry sonogram pictures and tiny kicks to meeting this little one in September.
These journals spell out the last 12 years of my life in beautiful clarity. I am blessed to have these memories of all my precious little ones right at my fingertips. And someday, they will be passed on to those who’s lives are recorded within.