Lessons Learned from a Tough Decision ~ May 14, 2006

(Blog Notes: Once again, I bring you a blast from the past. When I pulled this post out of the archives at homeschoolblogger, I had to think long and hard what the particular “tough decision” actually was! You see, nearly 2 years beyond that life changing event, I no longer felt it was so tough a decision to make.

So, what was this mysterious decision? At the time, my husband was offered a position within his job that would have moved us back “home.” The reason I could not divulge this information at the time was because of the many hurt feelings from those at “home” if they were to find out that an opportunity to move back had been turned down. We have since told them of this decision and all the blessings we’ve received from turning down what seemed to be the perfect job. Some of those blessings include more time spent with our dear church family, meeting the man and his family who took over the “perfect job” and who are now some of our best friends, and the blessing of a promotion that came a year later that brought us closer to “home”, but with better pay.

Looking back on this post, I realize how the Lord truly did work everything out for our benefit and for His glory!)

Last week, our family had a very difficult decision to make. While I’m not at liberty to divulge the exact details of the decision, suffice it to say it was one that seemed to pit my husband and I against each other. I cried nearly every night right up to the point the decision was finalized. I felt for certain that my way was the right way and his way was the wrong way. I appealed to him, I cried, I begged God to change his mind, but I could tell that even though he thoroughly considered my side of the matter, his mind was set as to what the proper course of action was. We both agreed the decision needed to be what was best for the entire family, but that was where the agreement stopped. It was an emotionally exhausting week.

Looking back at that week, here are some of the lessons I learned…

1. My husband truly cares about me. Had he not cared, he never would have even considered my side of the issue for a nanosecond. He would have barreled on through w/ what he felt was the right thing to do and left me to “eat his dust.”

2. I am so thankful I didn’t “throw my weight around” and demand he do it my way. My biggest fear was demanding and then getting and then it being a disaster! I tried very hard to be wholeheartedly submissive while also letting my wishes be known, but I did not demand and I praise God for that.

3. God’s will is not always my will. I thought I knew all the right answers. HA!

4. I must trust my husband enough to believe that he will make sound decisions for our family even when faced with a very tough decision. He is the head of our household–not my best friend, not my mom, not the church elders. Yes, we may consult these people, but ultimately, it will be my husband who answers to God for how he has lead this family. As long as I am following, I cannot go wrong. As long as I am submissive and believe in my husband, I am doing God’s will.

5. Life is not always to be lived in our “comfort zone.” Quite often God asks His people to do what isn’t particularly comfortable. He asks them to take a leap of faith. He asks them to trust what they cannot see. He is not trying to anger us, or harm us. He is trying to grow us.

6. Live with it. This goes along with the cliche’ “Bloom Where you are Planted.” Once a decision has been made, the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s need to go. We still talk about the decision and what it means for our family, but I now have to take the parts and pieces that resulted from this decision and form them into a life for our family that isn’t just mediocre and doable, but lovely and glorifying of Christ. I have to consciously get out of the pit of despair and rise to the task of making what could have been a huge letdown into a blessed experience.

7. Affirm your husband. I’m still working on this, but I do believe he made the right and proper decision (oh, that hurts to say that!). It wasn’t what I would have done, but once again, he’s the head of the household and God didn’t put him in that place so he could do the opposite of everything I wanted to do! I must make sure I let my husband know that I know this. I must also not make his life miserable by reminding him repeatedly that he made a decision contrary to mine. I have to tell him I believe in him and mean it.

So, please pray for me as I continue to work through these lessons. I’m glad weeks like that are few and far between.