I chuckled when I read Sally’s comment asking how I potty train. I remember well the days of full-blown potty training. I’m about to be there again with this little guy:
Before I begin mucking about in this topic, let me give you a quick run-down of my potty-training experience:
4 children potty trained (which does not qualify me for “expert”):
Child #1 (boy) – Took 2 full years, starting at age 18 months.
Child #2 (girl) – Took 2 days, starting at age 2.
Child #3 (girl) – Took 2 weeks, starting at age 2.
Child #4 (boy) – Took 1 week, starting at age 2 1/2.
OBVIOUSLY, I had no idea what I was doing with Child #1 (and he has calmly accepted his position as the guinea pig, I mean firstborn.)
Why on earth did it take 2 years to potty train him? 2 words:
Uptight Mommy
I remember well the day I put my screaming son on the toilet, only to be attacked by the family cat because she thought I was hurting him. And the day he pooped his pants 3 times in Hobby Lobby on what was supposed to be a lovely Mother-Son outing. And the time we were looking at a rental and he pooped on the sidewalk in front of the landlord, who still decided to rent the house to us after that.
I could go on and on and on (and my crazy kids LOVE these stories!), but what it all came down to was a mommy who thought she would be an utter failure if she didn’t have her child potty-trained by the time he was 2. Why? Because it would reflect poorly on my mothering skills.
What a waste of energy I spent during those years of on-again-off-again potty training of a child who clearly wasn’t in the mood. I was losing a battle I never should have been engaged in in the first place.
So, my potty-training philosophy has changed since then…dramatically. Here’s what I do now:
*We talk about being potty trained in every day settings. When I change a diaper I mention how nice it will be when they are potty trained and don’t have to be in yucky ole diapers. When an older sibling heads for the bathroom, I tell them that they are going to the bathroom like a big boy/girl. It’s never pushy, but I definitely make it clear that toilets are for big kids.
*We take non-stressful opportunities to sit on the toilet. A good time for this is before bath time or at the first diaper change of the day. I help steady them on the toilet and stay there for as long as they think it is a good idea. Eventually, they start initiating toilet time.
*I push the liquids. When I think they definitely have the idea, I push the liquids so they have ample opportunity to go.
Now, here’s where it gets a little cheesy…
*I sprinkle warm water. I do this more to give them the idea that potty is supposed to come out and go in the toilet the way the water is going in the toilet, rather than the traditional use of this method to try to cause them to begin pottying.
*I make potty sounds. I do this so they know what sound their potty will make and recognize that sound when it happens as the right noise.
*I let them run around in oversized t-shirts and no underwear. Pull-ups and the like are not helpful in potty training. The child stays too dry to care. No undies make for quick trips to the toilet. This isn’t always my method of choice; however, because what you gain in less undies to wash, you make up for in more t-shirts to wash and floors to wipe up. Not the best trade-off.
*If after a few days the accidents do not show a decline in frequency, I back down to the the introduction phase and wait a while before picking back up with actual potty training again. I don’t need to make my day any more stressful than it already is, and I refuse to be the one who is trained, rather than the child.
And that’s it! Pretty simple and stress-free.
Clara says
I did a lot of the same things you do – and I especially agree with not putting diapers on kids who are being trained – they don’t see the consequences of not going to the potty if they have a diaper on!
Another thing I did when they were real small was to take them to the bathroom with me when I went so they could see me sit and hear the noise (sorry if this is TMI)! It works though – children learn by example more than ANYTHING, in my opinion!!
Amy R says
Thanks for sharing your potty-training methods! We’re potty-training our oldest right now, letting her run around in undies and a t-shirt and having her use the potty regularly. We are using a timer to tell her when to go right now, we started the week at 15 minutes and are now at 45 minutes with only a handful of accidents all week. Hopefully she’ll be at least waking-potty-trained by the time her brother arrives in March!
I do have a question though, when do you try letting them nap and sleep overnight without a diaper?
Amy says
The sleeping has kind of been a natural progression. Most of my kiddos have started staying dry almost immediately. When I see that they are consistently staying dry through the night, I let them try.
Kristin says
This is probably a little off subject actually, and is an example of accidental potty training, but IMO, it worked so well, it deserves to be looked into! When my 2 1/2 year old was about 18 months, my five year old, who was 4, would say on her own accord (as I was not planning on training until 2), “Harper, I’m going potty on the big potty, would you like to use the little one while I go?” Since they did/do everything together, this seemed to make sense to him, so she would go potty, and he would sit on the potty, and he would GO! I was shocked!
He was totally potty trained by 2! A boy? Potty trained by 2? With little to no input from mommy? I think that with our next potty trainer, I’m going to take a tip from my daughter’s “potty training guide” LOL and start asking my little one, “would you like to go potty with me?” If she says no, fine, but if she’d like to try, it might be just what she needs to get started!
Amy says
Absolutely! I think siblings have a huge influence over the little ones! (probably one reason my oldest was such a terrible potty trainer! lol)
Valerie @ A Nation of Moms (aka the Village of Moms) says
I have yet to write an article because I don’t feel qualified in the least. My son (now 3 and a half) pretty much potty-trained himself before he was 2. He really was on track at 11 months but I got a little frightened and took the potty away for months and months. I just KNEW that babies were not supposed to be PT’ed at that young age. I was the mom who just didn’t want her baby PT’ed until he was older, but he “showed” me. Yes, I will sheepishly admit that I even said, “Why don’t you just go potty in your diaper?” on several occasions. I feel horrible even thinking it.
Amy says
LOL! I must admit UN-trained is WAY easier than trained in those early days!
Lisa~ says
I am the WORST at potty training. I don’t know why, I’m not at all uptight about it. I am beginning to wonder if it’s not just that my kids don’t have good bladder control. (that’s me putting the blame on others) Great thoughts, thanks! Lisa~
Carrie says
Hm, my first born took FOREVER to train, because I didn’t know what I was doing. It took a visit to my sister’s where he ran around with big kids to convince him that diapers are lame. By the time the 4th one came along, she pretty much trained herself. I mean, not really, but it wasn’t any work, because I knew she would get it and I was way more relaxed. I wonder why my first born is so uptight? 🙂 Potty training is the stuff of nightmares, though, because you really have no control over it, as a parent. It’s all about what the kid wants to do.
Harter says
As someone in the midst of potty training, I appreciate this post (and the linky)!
Stephanie says
I share similar strategies as you but I just wanted to add … training little ones when you already have big kids is a bonus! Hearing the older kids talk about pottying and also having older siblings of the same gender taking them to the potty helps things along, A LOT! I also want to urge, though it is likely an unspoken and obvious point for many, that keeping it positive is so imperative. I’ve seen too many potty experiences that turned stressful and negative. This is an exciting milestone in the eyes of our children, the first of many, it should definitely be encouraged with praise, excitement and a positive attitude.
Suzanne Gose says
I love it! My experiences were about the same – My first born was SO dutiful though, he did train in a couple of weeks, though I was totally stressed about it.
The only thing I might add to help it be even MORE fun is to give one m&m for each successful attempt! The whole house gets an m&m – even Momma! So you have the older children asking the trainee… do you want to potty? All day long! : )
Potty training is over at our house, and I have to say I don’t miss it! But it is what we make it isn’t it? Thank you for your insight!
Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama says
I haven’t written on this topic yet, but plan to soon! I’ve only successfully potty trained one so far, but she took about 2 weeks at age 2.5 years. It was summer so she ran naked for the first week, then panties the second week, then she had it down. She only pooped on the floor once and was quite upset about it. She didn’t really pee on the floor, but she did pee in her panties. Naked time was CRUCIAL because to her, panties were the same as a cloth diaper. And she’s never cared about wet/dirty pants. If she’s wearing a diaper for night, she’ll still go in it once she’s awake because she just doesn’t care.
Now, #2, who is almost 18 months…. If it were summer I’d let him run naked now. Every time we take a shower, he waits until the end when everyone else is out, then poops in the shower, and sometimes pees. He seems aware of it, so I’d definitely see what happened! But I’ll wait till spring when it warms up and he’s a little older, then we’ll try. I wouldn’t, at this age, especially with a boy, but like I said, he seems aware, and he HATES being wet, so…why not?
Liz says
I am just about to restart this with my 23 month old. She showed interest at 19 months but then it became a game but no results, and then a screaming fit every single time, so I decided to take a break thinking she was just too young. I am not sure if that was right… but here we are ready to try again. Thanks for the tips, I am sure they will help.
Regina Murphy says
Any tips for getting them trained through the night? My daughter was trained within a week at 21 months, but now at 28 months still cannot make it through a nap or nighttime without an accident. She can’t seem to hold it while she’s sleeping, and we have tried everything I can think of. It doesn’t seem to get any better, and at times seems worse. She even asked me for a diaper the other day which felt like a huge step backward. I don’t want to be angry with her over something she can’t control, but I don’t want to let her regress if she is able to do more. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Amy says
I actually just came through this with my 6 year old. Some children sleep quite soundly. What I did with her was get her up about 1-2 hrs after she’d gone to bed. After a few weeks of that, she has now started getting herself up. But don’t despair! It is a maturity thing and once their body is a little more mature, they will wake themselves up. It might take a while, but eventually, she will be dry while she sleeps.
Put the diaper on her for naps and night like it’s no big deal, but take it right off after the nap and when she gets up in the morning. That way it registers with her that it is only for sleeping.
Hope that helps!
Nony the Slob says
I agree with others that it’s so much easier when you have older ones who make it seem like going to the potty isn’t just something for grown-ups.
Thanks for the fun, impromptu linky! I linked up a very old post.
Clara says
Just wanted to share what I have done for nights – we put this (http://www.brollysheets.com/shop/Brolly+Sheets.html) on the bed/cot to make life easier for ourselves (no huge bed changes required – this sits on top of bed sheets and then quit using diapers for nights (we always begin this when the weather is warm enough fo the child not to get a chill if they wet the bed). We check on the child’s bed regularly at first, and also take him/her to the potty right before WE go to bed. It has worked pretty well – I think kids NEED to wet the bed in order to start to recognise that they need to get up. My daughter only wet a handful of times… my son more times… but then he is a boy, so that is probably pretty normal.
Amy says
Very neat! We had a pad, but it didn’t tuck like this. Also, it is fairly common for children (esp boys) to wet the bed until they are 8 years old (or even older in some cases). I was bed wetter as a child, so my heart goes out to those children who know what it is like to get up in the middle of the night and change themselves and their sheets.
Christine says
For my firstborn (almost 2 1/2) I started out pretty uptight too, as most of my friends seemed to be having a contest about the “right” way to potty-train an 18-month old. Having talked to families who PT-ed all their kids by their first bday, I was ready to go. My daughter, not so much. 🙂 She made lots of progress before #2 was born, as far as understanding and even beginning to use her potty chair. By 2, I knew she knew what she had to do, she just had no interest in it. After being stressed for 6+ months I decided I didn’t care that much. A couple weeks later she decided to be potty-trained, and it only took a few days. We’ve had a big relapse though, in that she went from immediately being dry through her nap to now wetting a lot almost every nap. She’s also not keeping her underwear totally dry before she gets to the bathroom. I went from wondering what I should do about night time to having messes again during the day. She’s still nursing, so I’m sure that’s a big contributing factor to night/nap wetting. Right now I’m thinking I should probably just wait it out since that’s what seemed to work before!
Amy says
I had a child much older than that totally regress in staying dry overnight not all that long ago. One thing you might keep in mind is that sometimes wetting in their undies and wetting the bed can be a sign of a bladder infection. Of course, if she doesn’t show any other signs, I wouldn’t consider that to be the case, but thought I would throw that out there.
Melinda @ Trailing After God says
I laughed so hard at the pooping on the sidewalk in front of the landlord! Oh my gosh. Hilarious. I am out of potty training phase. Thank goodness. I don’t enjoy that 🙂 You have a lovely blog and I look forward to following you. 🙂 Have a great Saturday night!
In Him,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
Sally says
Thank you for posting my question first! I am STILL trying to potty train Hannah (who will be 2 1/2 next month) and although we are “going” in the potty, she still is wetting her training pants. I think I may get brave and try the long T-shirt thing…oh Lord help me! 🙂
Sandra Berney says
Thanks for sharing your tips!
I love Suzanne’s idea of the whole house getting an M & M when the child is successful! Wonderful way to reward mommy for being patient, too!
My son wasn’t difficult to potty train. I used a token economy (rewards) to motivate him. I attached my website, if anyone’s interested in having a look at the token economy that I used.
I’ve got twin 5 month old boys right now, so I’m going to have double the trouble in a couple of years! Yikes!
Good luck, everyone!
Sandra
Melanie says
my children didn’t train until 3 yrs old. With my son I was uptight and frustrated. Angry about the accidents. I started @ 2 because everyone said to and he eventually trained at 3. My daughter I tried at 2 didn’t work so we backed off, tried at 2 1/2 did work then at 3. She trained day and night in 2 weeks. I believe in training the children not the mothers who take them to the bathroom every half hour.
Tasha says
This was extremely helpful to me. I am an “Uptight Mommy” for sure! Now that I recognize it, I can stop pushing my daughter when she’s really not ready. I need to wait until she tells me she’s ready.
Thank you!