I knew this day was coming. August 7. The day Micah turns 7 months and 6 days old. Hardly a noteworthy milestone in most families…momentous in ours.
Emily died at seven months, six days. No, I did not believe Micah would die at the same age, but for the past several months I have been watching him and thinking about all the things he is doing that Emmy never did. She was slowed developmentally due to her hospital stays, so Micah seems so much older than she ever did. Yet I would still find myself saying, “At this age, Emily…” and comparing the two…looking for similarities between a brother and a sister…searching for locked-away memories.
Tomorrow, there will be no more “at this age, Emily…”
Micah has always been Micah and Emily has always been Emily, but a mother who has lost a child never stops considering where she has been and what things might have been like had her child not died.
So, if you see me sitting and staring as I watch my children play I am thinking about what was and what is, what will never be and what will be someday.
Micah Emmanuel at 7 months, 6 days
Christine says
My heart still grieves over the loss of your precious blessing, Emily. Praying for His sustained comfort for you.
MolleenCarie says
He is precious, Amy. Praise the Lord that today is 7 months, 7 days – and that you will spend an eternity with Emmy someday, too.
Vicki says
Hugs to a sweet Mama…
seemommysew says
Hugs and prayers, mama….so thankful we don’t “grieve as those who have no hope”!
SarahLynne says
he’s such a little man. So adorable. (((HUGS Amy)))
Leah says
Great big over the internet hug for you. (((hug)))
Michaela Dunn Leeper says
He’s beautiful. My heart breaks for you 🙁
lambechops says
Oh Amy. I think of you every day, and I can’t imagine what life must be like with an Emmy shaped hole in it. I thank God for giving you Micah, a whole new life to rejoice in. I pray for you often.
Tia says
My daughter died when she was 18. And she didn’t become my daughter until she was 11. Now my other children are 4 and 7; I do have the whole “this time 2 years ago” thing but not yet that “at your age, Goldie was doing x.y.z” – not yet anyway.
Moving from the “at this age she was” to the “at this age, she should have been…” – another milestone along the road we didn’t choose to travel.
Tia
Jessica P says
(((HUGS))) I know you don’t know me, but I follow your blog, and my heart aches with you as I read your post today. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Your little guy is so sweet!
"Lolli" says
Precious post, sweet memories, and thoughts of what was, what is, and what will be! praying for you this evening, dear one, for peace, for hope, and for precious memories of a lifetime.
Be blessed,
lolli (aka Lisa)
Anonymous says
He has really beautiful eyes, Amy.
cherie says
my heart goes to you, too – i have two sons, but i miscarriaged 3 times, one just recently…i’ve never had the courage to write about it, but might after reading this. thank you for this post, and i am also gratefl to ms. annie of shopannies, where i found you…have a blessed Monday!
Collette@Jesuslovesmums says
He is an adorable little boy! I cannot begin to understand what you are feeling or have felt but your faith is an example to me.
Collette xxxx
Chéz Waldon says
Ahhh…but it is, you just can’t see her;)
I have miscarried nine times and sometimes I smile when I think of my childrens joy in heaven.
Lilyofthevalley - Tanya says
((((hugs)))) My heart goes out to you and Emily has not been forgotten.
Micah is adorable!