I knew this day was coming. August 7. The day Micah turns 7 months and 6 days old. Hardly a noteworthy milestone in most families…momentous in ours.
Emily died at seven months, six days. No, I did not believe Micah would die at the same age, but for the past several months I have been watching him and thinking about all the things he is doing that Emmy never did. She was slowed developmentally due to her hospital stays, so Micah seems so much older than she ever did. Yet I would still find myself saying, “At this age, Emily…” and comparing the two…looking for similarities between a brother and a sister…searching for locked-away memories.
Tomorrow, there will be no more “at this age, Emily…”
Micah has always been Micah and Emily has always been Emily, but a mother who has lost a child never stops considering where she has been and what things might have been like had her child not died.
So, if you see me sitting and staring as I watch my children play I am thinking about what was and what is, what will never be and what will be someday.
Micah Emmanuel at 7 months, 6 days