December 2, 2007…this was the day that began it all. Never did I imagine it would lead here.
Before I give the links to my homeschoolblogger posts from a year ago, I want to say that grief is not a destination. Grief does not define me. The fact that I had a child die is most definitely a part of who I am and permeates my being to my inner core, but grief is not the be all, end all of my life. Some days grief is behind me, some days in front of me, some days surrounding me, but never is it ME.
I say this is my journey to grief because there is no way around this thing called grief. There was a path laid before me and on that path was a place named Grief. While grief does not have a definite ending point, it does have a definite starting point. For us, that day is February 10, 2008.
But, December 2 is where our path toward this place began. It is the fork in the road where life changed drastically. I have very fond memories (however, very painful memories) of the time we spent in the hospital with Emily. I would not trade that time for anything. I spent nearly every waking moment for weeks on end with my daughter. I memorized the curve of her cheek and every fluffy inch of her hair. I bathed her, held her, changed her bandages, and wept over her day in and day out with very little to distract me. My husband missed countless days of work, but I am sure he will tell you that he wouldn’t change a thing either. He was and is Emily’s daddy. Being daddy is more important than anything else.
So, begins the journey to our grief. I pray that what you read here is not the story of a family in despair, but the story of a family who cherished what they had, praised God amidst the storm, and lived each day to the fullest despite their circumstances. God gave us a precious little girl named Emily. He gave us 7 months and 6 days to hold her. I am so very thankful for that.
December 4, 2007 ~ The day after Emily’s first surgery
December 5, 2007 ~ Emily’s second surgery
December 9, 2007 ~ Emily is taken off the ventilator and the NG tube is pulled
December 18, 2007 ~ Emily develops yeast in her blood
December 26, 2007 ~ Emily came home Christmas Eve!
December 28, 2007 ~ A post entitled Life After Trauma…little did I know
January 4, 2008 ~ Things seem to be getting better
January 4, 2008 ~ Emily turns 6 months old
January 13, 2008 ~ Emily spends another 6 days in the hospital and has another surgery
And then came grief…
Emily Sofia 7/4/07 ~ 2/10/08
Lynnette Kraft says
Dearest Amy,My heart goes out to you friend. I’ve had your family on my mind and heart so many times. With our Christmas church fellowship coming up, I was remembering last year when Ty called Kyle and said that Emily was sick and you wouldn’t be there. Then all the rest that followed…Your attitude is great and your words have blessed my heart. I can tell that you hurt but that you are seeking God’s peace and comfort through these days – I can tell you want victory over this in your lives and you are getting there one blessed step at a time.I love you. Thank you for sharing these posts. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since your sweetie departed to her beautiful eternal home. Praying for you.Lynnette
Fruitful Harvest says
Amy~I pray for you and your family daily. You have done a beautiful job with your post,honoring Emily!I pray for a safe delivery of your new bundle of Love soon to arrive!Peace and Blessing,Georgiann
Kristy says
This post was beautiful, and teaches all of us who have never gone through what you have. I pray for you and your husband, as you go through this Dec. and the months ahead. I praise God for your beautiful Emily and for her life. Praying for a safe and wonderful delivery of your new little one. Can’t wait to see and hear of this special event! Praying God’s comfort and peace to surround you.
The Adventures of a Simple Life says
I am praying for you as you revisit this time in your life of the loss of Emily. I pray God will use you to comfort others in their times of troubles and sicknesses with their own child. You are a testimony of Christ in ones life and the strength and hope HE gives when we face difficult times.It reminds me of our Father in heaven and Jesus. To see His own Son on the cross for OUR sins, suffering for His people who are continuously sinning against Him. The ultimate sacrifice of a Son.Thank God for His faithfulness to us in spite of our unfaithfulness!Be encouraged,you are a mom, who cares for all of her children,alive or now gone, a wife who loves her husband, but most of all, a child of God whom you take refuge in and He cares for every need you have.I look forward to “meeting” your new Little One through the blog! Christine
Misty says
Amy,My heart has been heavy for you several times lately as my own baby is now 7 months old, I think of little Emily and your loss. I turn to God in those moments and say a little prayer for you and your precious family. May God give you a very special Christmas season this year.Blessings!MistyP
Regina says
Jeremiah 10:19– Woe is me for my hurt! my wound is grieveous; but I said, truly this is a grief and I must bare it.Amy my heart aches for you and your family as I know that you all miss Emily.By the way, I have nominated you for the Marie Anntonette award. Come by my blog at http://skeetercreekfarm.blogspot.com to pick it up! Regina
Fruitful Harvest says
Hi Amy~I forgot to mention I noticed you got your homeschool blog makeover! Looks great!I’ve been praying that your body and spirit are holding up.Thoughts and Prayers,Georgiann
GrammyK says
I remember reading about your little Emily last winter when this all happened. Even though we have lost 4 babies in the past I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to lose one that you KNOW–have held, cared for and bonded with. Only through the Lord’s tender care can we survive such grief. In our own losses we have seen a few of our children come to Christ in learning more about our lost little ones in Heaven–and how we will meet them again someday if we are saved. They sure want to be able to meet the sisters and brothers that they do not know. So precious. Their deaths have given our other children LIFE.Praying that the rest of your pregnancy and your delivery will be extra blessed!! Blessings!Kris
Fruitful Harvest says
Hi there Amy~I pray that you are holding up! And that all is well with you and baby in these final days! I wanted to tell you that I bought a Poinsetta plant in Emilys memory. The flowers will be used to decorate the alter at church on Christmas eve and the money goes to our churches food bank.I pray for your family daily and wanted to do that for her memory. Merry Christmas!Peace and Love,Georgiann
macoyfamily says
I am so thankful you are surviving and blessing others with her story! God is touching lives through your blessing and struggles! Thank you!
lambechops says
Amy, I can’t believe its a year since your journey with Emily started. Your faith has shone through at every moment, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts so freely. Thank you for showing me too what true faith is.
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Georgiann,Thank you so much! That is so thoughtful and sweet of you!amy