What makes a home beautiful?
I’ve been pondering this question for a while. It’s going to take me a few posts to really pull together my thoughts, but I would love to have your input as I write.
Homes are a reflection of the people in them, but sometimes the reflection ends up a bit distorted due to busy lives and lack of time As I’ve been learning to bloom where I am, I decided to work harder at making our home a better reflection of us.
If you’ve been reading Raising Arrows for long, you know we move a lot. Some houses I’ve managed to make a home in, some have taken a more concerted effort some I never go around to at all. Often, it depended upon the circumstances surrounding our arrival. This last home is a case in point –
We had moved suddenly due to the landlord of the previous house needing to come back home. When we moved here, I was miscarrying for the second time in a matter of months. Shortly following the miscarriage, I travelled for blogging business, and then found out I was pregnant with Creed. Morning sickness kicked in and then the holidays, and then a new baby, and next thing I knew, I had lived here a year and hadn’t put up any pictures on the walls or really thoughtfully decorated a single room.
As I was pondering what it meant to bloom, I began considering the beauty of a blooming flower.
God created man to be beauty-seekers. We delight in beautiful things, and the Lord has surrounded us with many delightful treasures that reflect His awesomeness!
If you bring that beauty into your home, what would it look like?
The first thing I thought of were the sounds of a beautiful home.
The sounds of a home are so important. However, because we rarely consciously consider the sounds of our home, we often don’t strive for them to be beautiful.
One of the most important things you can do as a mother is to speak gently.
Some mothers have a naturally soft and soothing voice, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Your voice can be trained to speak softer, but the more important training should be focused on the attitude and the words.
I used to be an angry mom. My words were harsh and biting because I felt all tangled up inside. I had to get my insides untangled before I could truly speak gently to my children and husband.
The past few months, I was getting tangled up again and it was coming out in my harsh tone and quick and sassy quips. What you feel will come out of your mouth. If you are struggling to speak gently, it’s time to examine your heart. What is really going on?
Lately, my issue was with my husband. I felt resentful for not being able to move back home. I wanted a life I used to have, one I knew no longer existed. I was getting more and more critical and my tone with him was less than charitable. My attitude was beginning to rub off on the children, and I saw them disrespect their father with their words all because I wasn’t addressing what I was feeling.
I decided I needed to step away from the emotions and rationally and gently address my thoughts and feelings with my husband. But, I also told him I was determined to let go of those feelings and bloom in the here and now, wherever that may be.
This is my personal story, but whatever is holding you back from speaking gently in your home needs to be dealt with. You must ask the Lord to show you where your attitude is coming from and what you need to do to move beyond it. Perhaps it is a broken relationship with one of your children or maybe a harboring of bitterness from the past. You have to stop wallowing in the feelings and start living a surrendered and Holy Spirit-filled life.
Another sound that makes for a beautiful home is laughter. Some families find laughing to be an easy thing. Others have to work at it. One thing I know is that a joy-filled life will naturally lead to more laughter in your home. Joy comes from a living a fully surrendered life (like I mentioned earlier!).
The sounds in your home are directly related to the heart conditions of the people within the home. If there is strife and fighting, you can guarantee there is much more lurking beneath the surgace. Those things can’t simply be brushed under the rug and forgotten. They set the tone for the entire household.
I encourage you to listen for the sounds of beauty in your home. Listen to your own voice. Listen to the voices of others. Speak gently, sing and laugh, be beautiful!
Looking for more beautiful sounds for your home? Here’s my most recent purchase:
Barbie says
Thank you for this post. It’s not easy for me, working full time, being involved in ministries, and homeschooling. I do believe my emotions and what I am feeling fuel how I respond to my children and my husband. Lately, I’ve been worried about our finances, as my husband has been mostly unemployed for three years now. I feel like a failure because I cannot give my children their basic needs most of the time, let alone what they want. As the olds saying goes, “If mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy.” Well, I haven’t been happy and it’s showing in my attitude. You’ve given me much to chew on. Blessings!
Amy says
It’s tough when our circumstances are less than desirable, but God didn’t accidentally put you here. I’d love to see what thoughts come of this for you!
Lindsey Whitney says
What a lovely post! I agree, the sounds of a home are so important, especially gentle words! I love pandora because I can set it to a classical station and hear new tunes all the time. I found some terrific artists like Lindsay Sterling that bring beautiful music in and no words! 🙂 I like your analogy of the blooming flower too… I planted flowers for the first time this year, from seeds. They are still growing 3 months later, but don’t look like flowers yet, let alone blooms! Sometimes blooming takes a LONG time. 🙂
Lindsey @ Growing Kids Ministry
Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms says
Great post, Amy. Definitely spoke to my heart. Thank you 🙂
Kelsey says
What a wonderful reminder. I’ll be sharing this on facebook today. Thanks, Amy!
Michele P says
This touched my heart! Thank you Amy for the timely reminder to make the sounds of my home peaceful!
Jillian says
most of the time my house sounds like a zoo, but I completely understand what you’re saying. I’m thinking about the verse in Luke 6?, where its says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. So true. 🙂
Amy says
Zoos can be beautiful places too. 😉
Amy @ Mud Puddles and Tea Parties says
Beautifully said Amy. God has been dealing with me lately in this very concept. We are a large-ish family of 8 living in a 1400sq ft house. For the longest time I was unhappy. As the family grew I complained and was full of discontentment, I wanted a larger home, I wanted to streatch out. But God has opened my to eyes and heart to being grateful for what I do have. I still hope to one day get that larger home but for now I am going to “BLOOM WHERE PLANTED”.
Emily Spencer says
There is another blog that I read called Large Families on Ourour and they are a family of 11, living in an 1100 square foot house. I thought it might encourage you and give you and ideas on how to maximize the space you have.
hsmominmo says
“Joy comes from a living a fully surrendered life”
Oh, my, you have no idea how much I needed to hear these words, or how much I really didn’t want to hear these words.
I’m wrestling my own demons these days and God has used your words and your heart to speak to me, as He has many times in the past.
Thank you, friend!
Your post also reminded me of your series/ebook on having a Peaceful Home. You really get to the heart of the matter.
Brooke says
This is something I have really been struggling with lately! Thank you for your blog. You have a way of saying things that are pertinent to me without making me feel overwhelmed, judged, or threatened by what you are saying.
michele says
Ok so I don’t know about you, but since I miscarried in Nov. Of 2010 I have been a full blown rage monster. I am so very angry, at myself – probably more than anything, At God, at my family, at my “friends” at the world in general. I have very little patience for anyone anymore. And anytime I try to “fake it” I just get angrier. I am not a weepy person so I am gathering that is why I grieve with anger. Were you angry while dealing with your grief? If so how did you overcome it?
Amy says
Hi Michele. I did have a lot of anger after my second miscarriage in 2003. There came a point when I finally crumbled into tears in the door of my bedroom and cried out to the Lord to just take it all away. It was that surrendering moment when I let go of all the anger. Perhaps it was also at that moment I was finally able to fully grieve. I’m praying for you.
Michele says
Thank you!!!
Rebecca says
Thank you for being real, Amy.
Jennifer K. says
Exactly what I needed to read today…thank you for your post! God bless 🙂
Wendy hoff says
Hi Amy, I’ve had many other homeschooling moms tell me fighting among the kids just doesn’t stop. (As in, “that’s just the way it is.”) How do you deal with fighting in your home?
Amy says
You just have to stay on top of it and cultivate peace in your home (as in, watch the strife in your own life!). No, they are not going to suddenly stop fighting. They are human. We are human. But, you can nip things in the bud much quicker. Character issues trump academics, so we stop everything and deal with the arguments immediately.