This coming November I will be speaking at the Replenish Online Marriage Conference.
My topic?
Why Us, Lord
When tragedy strikes your marriage
Our marriage has had its fair share of events you might call tragedies, but nothing compares to the day we lost our daughter Emily. Three and a half years later, I can honestly say there is beauty in the ashes of grief.
A lot of people do not seem to understand that. They look at us and wonder how we could ever have healed from her death. Yet, they cannot help but notice there is joy.
A little over a year ago, a young woman contacted me asking if I would permit her to choreograph a dance in honor of Emily. I am always humbled and thankful when people mention my precious little girl and carrying on her memory in the name of Jesus Christ. What she created from the gifts the Lord has given her was absolutely beautiful and I wanted to share them with you.
Rehearsal Video:
{click here if you cannot see the video}
Recital Night:
{click here if you cannot see the video}
The friends portrayed in the dance are real people. They are people like my dear friend, Sarah.
It was Sarah who cared for my other children that awful day. It was Sarah who came to the emergency room unaware of what had just happened. It was Sarah who sat beside me, listened on the phone and talked to me via the internet countless hours as I poured every ounce of myself out trying to make sense of it all.
And they are people like Lynnette who walked this road before me and walked this road alongside me.
She was there with coffee, notes of encouragement, and hope. Hope that I would not always feel like this. Hope that someday I would dance again.
People often wonder what they can do to help someone who grieves. Watching the video above, you will see the answer. You pick them up when they fall, you walk alongside them when they are weak and when they are strong, you rejoice.
And you look for beauty.
It is there.
And for those who grieve, do not despair when you see glimpses of beauty, wondering if it is okay for you to find your way back to happiness again.
It is.
We smile. We laugh. We live.
And it is beautiful.
Nicole says
Wow Amy, your post is perfect. Thank you for sharing your heart the way you do. I am so happy God put such amazing people on your path to walk the journey with you.
Emily’s burial statue is beautiful….my heart melts seeing her brother hugging it. Do you know I have a daughter named Emelia and another named Sofia?
Amy says
Thank you, Nicole. We took a long time choosing a stone, but feel it perfectly captures what we want to say. And your daughters’ names are beautiful. 🙂
Jamie says
of course this song popped in my head when I read your post today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NaGONE2M1k
thank you for your honest words… having lost my first born , I can share in that feeling that people don’t “get it”… and what it all boils down to is that it’s about HIM. It always was about Him and it always will be, but in the moment when we stood at heaven’s threshold, I can honestly say it wasn’t until then that my life lined up with the understanding of just how much it *is* about Him… (I hope this made sense). All I can say is thank you for your words, walking this path has always been a lonely one, one where I have tried to grasp for someone (anyone) that could understand just how little it had to do with me– that to be conformed to His likeness, while painful beyond words, I wouldn’t change– being conformed to His death makes sorting those feelings and the loss make so much more sense… He is refining us, and that was a huge moment that I changed, I miss my daughter, but I know where she is! 🙂
Thank you again for your honest words and encouragement!
Amy says
Jamie, that is one of my favorite songs and your words here are so very true. Thank you so much for sharing.
Michelle says
Thank you for posting this. My heart feels your pain as I lost my 19 year old daughter six months ago. I know exactly what you mean by ‘trying to make sense of it all’ that’s what i kept saying over and over again. Looking back I have learned to thank God for the years and memories we had with her, each one a blessings and I vow to cherish each moment I have with my other three children. Thank you for sharing your heart. God Bless your family.
Jillian says
Hi Amy,
I got goosebumps watching this dance. What a beautiful tribute to Emily. I’m on my way to itunes to get that song too. Speaking of, have you heard of a song called “Blessings” by Laura Story? It’s a lovely song that speaks of the blessings during our trails. Thought you’d enjoy it. BTW, I love that last pic. of your husband and Garin. It’s the perfect thing to illustrate that you do find your way back to happiness.
blesssings,
Jill
Amy says
Jill,
Thank you.
And no, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard that song. I’ll have to try to find it.
Blessings,
Amy
Victoria says
Yes, do find the song “Blessings.” You can watch/listen to it on You Tube. Beautiful song.
Kari says
It is an amazing song! I heard it for the first time not too long after we lost our baby. It was a song I cried to a lot but it brought so much peace too!
Dana says
Some don’t understand when you smile, others don’t understand when you cry.
But there is beauty in loving arms and in the focus on the eternal.
Victoria says
Beautiful. Thankyou for sharing.
Wendy Gunn says
You expressed your heart and feelings so beautifully, Amy. Thank you for being willing to open up and share what you’ve gone through to help others. May the Lord give you grace and speak through you at the conference, and use you mightily for all those who are hurting.
The dance was so well done, and I’m sure that hearts will be touched wherever it is performed.
God help you to continue to heal, and bless others.
Wendy
Lynnette says
What a precious gift that dance was to you! Isn’t it amazing what God gives us… how He touches lives through our stories? Precious… so precious.
I feel humbled that God brought you into our lives at such a tender time.
It has been 3 1/2 years since Emily died and when Emily died it had been 3 1/2 years since Anna died. I had healed, so I could reach out to you, but it was a young wound, so I could remember very well.
I so desperately wanted you to know that you would be happy again. That was my greatest fear when Anna died. I feared my life would forever be sad and I would forever feel lost in that fog of grief.
Beauty from ashes. That should be the message of every person who has grieved with Jesus. He always brings about something beautiful. People need to see that hope is real. You have been (and continue to be) another shining light in a dark world of trouble and grief.
Hope is beautiful.
Love,
Lynnette
Amy says
You conveyed that message well, Lynnette. You and Kyle were exactly what we needed exactly when we needed. Only God can time things like that. 🙂
Sheila Gregoire says
That was beautiful. I remember Judy, who came to my apartment at 2:00 in the morning to sit with my older daughter when the call from the hospital came that Christopher might not make it through the night.
The 29 days I had with my son on this earth were the best of my life. I was a perfect mother to him. I never did anything wrong. I can’t say that about my daughters, but God blessed me in those days, and He has carried me since.
I’ve written my story of walking through grief, with a video, too.
Thanks for posting this!
Kari says
This is so beautiful Amy! Thank you for sharing it with us. The story of your little Emily is so precious and she has touched many many people because you were willing to share her with us, many of whom never met her, or you in person. I lost a baby to miscarriage in May of this year and the pain was so incredible! I never knew you could miss something so much that you had never held, never touched. I am so blessed to have friends like yours in my life who were there to walk this road with us. Who brought meals, held me when I cried and lifted us up in prayer. Friends like these are the friends you will have forever. And I hope I’ll be able to pass on this type of love and comfort to someone one day in return for all the love they showed us. Thanks again for sharing this beautiful dance with us. It brought tears to my eyes and filled my heart with joy and hope!
Chelsey says
Oh Amy. With my heart still fresh with from the loss of our Izzy, this post speaks VOLUMES to me! Thank you.
And thank you for joining into today and linking up with Koinonia Thursday’s!
Amy says
Chelsey,
{hugs} When I saw what your link up was about, I thought how absolutely perfect this was. 🙂
Chrissy @ Fireflies and Hummingbirds says
Jill, I thought of Laura Story’s “Blessings”, too, when I read this.
Amy, thank you for sharing this. What beautiful, raw, encouraging words.
Lindsey says
I was directed to your website and this post specifically by a high school friend of my husband’s. We lost our second child, Max, on June 10th of this year. He was only five and a half weeks old, and I struggled (and still do) trying to find ways to express my grief and heal my broken heart. I’ve found ways to do that through writing. I am so thankful to have been sent to your site! I relate so much to your words and your feeling that there is still beauty in the experience of grieving. What better way to express your love and devotion to your child than remembering and honoring his/her life every day. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story; it gives people like me the courage to share mine too!
Amy says
I am so blessed you found solace here. Keep writing…it is good for the heart. {hugs}
Heather Anderson says
Thank you for this post. The dance was so beautiful. I have never endured this kind of tragedy, but have had friends who did. It is difficult to know what to say or do, or how to just be there. I pray that I can learn wisdom from your willingness to share.
Doula Brandi says
Amy, this post is a lovely expression of hope and the dance video is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Emily still touches lives, HalleluYah!
Sandi says
Beautiful! Tears here.
there is beauty on this path. Just told the story of our little man to a new friend. Bitter sweet everytime I tell it.
Big hugs!
Jennifer says
Thank you for posting this, Amy. It is beautiful, and I have read it over and over. Your words are a blessing to me.