Three Attributes of a Happy Family

{A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend about family life.  In the midst of the discussion, she said, “Can you just do a blog post about this so I can print if off?”  Gladly! 🙂 }

We all want a happy family, right?  We all have visions of children happily seated ’round the dining room table, rosy-cheeked and smiling.  But somewhere amidst the hungry whines and spilled juice, the mashed potato hands and tomato sauce hair, we wonder where we went wrong.  We reflect on our day and only remember angry words, grumpy schoolchildren, and messes that made us sigh in frustration.

Where is the happiness we long for?  Where are those rosy cheeks and cheery children of our dreams?  Where is the family that enjoys each other’s company as they work together and play together and school together?

I am a happy familyologist. I’ve been studying happy families for quite some time, because once upon a time I didn’t feel like a very happy family (and even now, there are days when I must remind myself what a happy family looks like).  There are many things I have seen in the happy families I have studied, but three things stand out to me as being the attributes that have made the most impact in the lives of the family members.

1.  JOYFULNESS
There is a difference between HAPPINESS and JOY.  Happiness is a surface expression.  Joy comes from deep within.  The families I know who are truly happy families are those who seem to really enjoy the time they spend near and with their children. There is a deep sense of joy that comes simply from being in the presence of their family.  You see the parents watch the children with smiles on their faces and a glimmer in their eye.  They speak highly of their children as if they are blessings to them.  There is a sincerity and genuineness to the relationships within the family.  It is real joy.  You can see it, feel it, hear it in everything they say and do.

The parents are interested in the things their children take interest in.  The children also appear to be interested in what their parents are doing.

Even discipline is done with a sense of joy.  Correction is meted out in a way that exudes genuine concern for the child.

Life is not lived in haste, but rather in a pace that takes note of all members of the family, takes time to smile at each and every one, takes care to meet needs and teach responsibility.  No one is left behind because every member is part of a collective that feels out of sorts if one is missing.  As if the joy the family exhibits comes from an inter-dependence, one upon another upon another…

2. CONSISTENCY
Happy families tend to have some sort of schedule or routine that offers family members boundaries and a guide to their day.  Life is not lived haphazardly, but rather in a rhythm that becomes part and parcel of the family identity.

Children know what to expect when and they know what their role is.  Their day is not a big messy mystery that leaves them baffled as to where they fit in the overwhelming scheme of things.

Disciplinary methods are not randomly changed or ignored.  Disobedience is never winked at, but mercy is a common discussion.  There is always a WHY behind correction, along with a mother or father who truly cares enough to cast aside their own desires in order to guide a wayward child back into the fold.

3. A HEART FOR THE LORD
A happy family is a walking Church.  They are an example of how one body can have many parts that work together as a whole all because they have a working knowledge of the character of God.

From an early age, Scripture is spoken lovingly into the children’s lives each and every day.  All things point to Christ, even when that fact is not overtly spoken of.  They do what they do because they do it for Him.  Their overarching goal as a family is to bring glory to the Lord.  Not because that’s what they’ve read in some Christian self-help book, but because the parents, and in turn the children, sincerely desire a Spirit-filled life and a heart bent toward God.

Their eyes shine and their mouths speak with the outpourings of a heart focused on Christ, seeking Him and honoring Him in everything.

The parents take II Timothy 3:16 seriously and wield the Sword with agility.  The children are encouraged daily to take up this same Sword and learn to use it well.

Praise is never far from their lips and thankfulness is lived out in respect and humility.  Their life is abundant, not because of the things they have, but because of the One to whom they belong.

These are the attributes I have seen and now model.  This is my go-to list when life gets hectic and the urgent gets in the way of the important.  These are the things I hope and pray others see in my life and the life of my family.

And in case you think I have somehow “arrived” and you will forever fall short, let me dispel that rumor once and for all and hopefully offer you hope…the same hope I have within me…

You are not failing miserably.  You are a work in progress.

God has called you.  He will equip you.

Cry out to Him for that measure of faith you need today…just today…not tomorrow.

Focus your life on His Word and you will begin to see the messes and the mashed potatoes melt away until their existence no longer equals your undoing.  Ask Him to guide your words, your thoughts, your heart so that when children who need to be corrected and dinners that need to be cooked and papers that need to be graded seem to pile on top of you until you can no longer breathe, you will be able to see with clarity the Almighty One who gave you this life as a gift that you might glorify Him…happily.