I mentioned in my Week 16 Pregnancy Update, that we were needing to wean from the screen because I had used movies and streaming video and iPad games to “babysit” the kids during my bout with morning sickness. After a week of really cracking down, the whining and asking and falling on the floor in a heap of “I’m bored” was almost *almost* completely nipped in the bud.
Several of you asked how I went about this, so this post is my answer to that question.
The way we ended up with too much screen time is a sordid affair. I have a house full of boys. Rowdy, rambunctious, jump on mama’s bed when she feels nauseous little boys. They are awesome, but without our usual daily routine, they were BORED.
No really, they truly were bored.
I don’t typically like that word, but frankly, when kids are used to a certain routine and that routine suddenly becomes NOTHING, they feel a little lost and need something to fill that space. For boys, that something is rarely quiet or calm. Thus, the electronic babysitter.
**NOTE: This photo is how we do family movie night – a projector and laptop with the movie projected onto a blank wall in our living room. This is the projector we own.**
The last straw was the day my 5 year old asked every 5 minutes if he could watch a movie on the iPad.
Every. Five. Minutes.
I was finally coming out of the First Trimester Fog, and I knew we needed to go back to our usual Movie Days (more on what Movie Days are in a second). After 15 times of telling him no, I realized watching movies had become part of his daily routine and he had no recollection of this Movie Day thing I kept spouting off about. And really how dare I change up the routine of every day movie watching without explaining myself! So, we had a quick Family Meeting where I explained the finer points of that vague notion we once called Movie Day.
Now, I know you all know this, but here’s my disclaimer…
These are the Roberts Family Movie Days. They are guidelines we feel comfortable with. They are not a set of rules YOU have to follow. The real issue here is to have guidelines. Your children need to know WHEN screen time is appropriate. It may be something as simple as “after school work is finished” or “between 4-6pm” or whatever you like.
Movie Days are Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Wednesdays and Fridays are Roberts Family Movie Night. Saturday is Computer Time for everyone (only my oldest 2 children have weekday Computer Days).
Exact computer time is based on age:
My littlest guys get 15 minutes.
My middles get 30 minutes.
My oldest kids get an hour on Saturdays (they get 45 minutes on their alternating weekdays).
Everyone is also allowed to watch a movie or two on Saturday.
Another major aspect of this schedule is the fact that if we are gone any of these days, there is no “banking the time.” If you miss a day that you usually have Computer Time on, you don’t get to have that time the next day to “make up” for it. If we aren’t home on Saturday, we don’t automatically make Sunday a Movie Day.
Are there exceptions? Of course! We are a family and sometimes these sorts of rules get broken in favor of family life. It’s ok. 😉
So, once we established that we were going back to our typical Movie Days, I was able to remind the children of the day of the week and keep a lot of the asking for screen time at bay. My 5 year old asks every day, “What is today?” I tell him the day of the week and then he asks, “And what do we do on that day?” I usually give him a quick run-down of the day and then get to the real answer he’s looking for…
“Today is not a movie day.”
At some point, I want to get a calendar made up that has Sunday – Saturday with all the screen time written on it (with pictures for my non-readers), but that has yet to happen. I’m still too foggy for that. 😉
Mothering From Scratch says
{Kathy} These are great ideas — even for adults who are struggling with using screen time too much! The system is usually the thing that needs fixing, not the people. Once the system is in place, families can then relax and know exactly what is going to happen. Great tips for applying this to screens!
Amy says
So much of life is about boundaries and guidelines, isn’t it? 🙂
Kirsten Pankratz says
Man, I hear, ya! I used a LOT of screen time for the kiddos when I was lying in bed sick, sick, sick. Now I’ve gotten them off of it but it really took some doing to get it to where they weren’t asking all the time too! As far as I’m concerned, a movie should be a treat so they actually sit there and watch it instead of bouncing on the couch etc. because they are board with that too! I like your guide lines-good idea!
elletnahc says
I am having the same problem right now. I am finally starting to feel better from being pregnant. I am 20 weeks. My 4 year old is used to watching a movie a day, while I have a rest on the couch in the afternoon. Now I am trying to get him back on track. Thanks for the ideas.
Kate Gold @ MGR says
I totally know what its like to *want* to cut down screen time— from a daughters perspective. Although I dont watch television/ movies, I do blog and review e-books as well as that I always seem to have countless hours of homework- so especially if a textbook or two is online…. well you can guess where I am :).
Amy says
It’s a tough balance no matter your age!
Godly Indian Mom says
Love your advice, so practical.This something I will use for my family esp with regards to the compuer schedule and no makeup days 😀
Rhoda says
We just came home from being on vacation and a different hotel almost every night for 8 days. Every morning and evening while waiting for the bathroom to dress/shower/etc we turned on the TV to occupy the kids time. Boy does that add up! We don’t have a “TV” at home but there is still plenty of movie time as we do watch DVD’s or the old VHS tapes on our little 13″ that still works. I knew when we got home last night that some things need to change–the first thing in the house after unloading the car–they wanted their movie time. What!! We just got home. Our system is that one child gets to pick 4 movies throughout the course of the week. The next week the other child picks. They get to pick what movie and what day, but once their 4 choices are up, its done. And if they pick a short movie (30 minute video), it still counts as a day. This has really helped cut back, but even with this my DH and I realize we still need to rein in the amount of “movie” time we see. Though we are careful what they watch, and how much, it still affects them (and us). Thank you for sharing how you watch what they watch, and for reinforcing that we are not alone in making these tough choices. Though we know how important it is to be careful in what we allow in through the eye and ear gate, it often is so easy to relax for a moment and take the easy way out. But the truth is, once in, it never goes away (even the “good” stuff) and the enemy has ammunition to feed and grind away at the mind, wasting precious time from what is truly important. Blessings on your family as you continue to make the right though tough choices.
Amy says
I like your idea of letting each child choose. That would really help with not always watching something the older kids like. Or having everyone watching something different.
Inga says
At my house, we have 5 girls and 1 boy, and 4 littles, 1 middle and 1 big. So as you can imagine, their taste in movies is vastly different! I like the idea of each kid having a whole day to pick the movie. I’m not sure a week at a time would work for us, just because of the age spread. (1,2,2,5,8,13!). I’ll have to experiment until I find what works. Good ideas.
Stephanie says
I have found too that I need to help them figure out what to do to replace that screen time (at least for a transition time), not necessarily something with me but some direction on what/ where to play.
Amy says
Funny how their brains stop thinking for themselves when they’ve had too much screen time!
Nicole says
I am coming out of my morning sickness but I still feel so exausted we have still been using a lot of cartoons and movies. I try to do educational stuff: veggie tales, 321 penguins etc (we have pure flix)
The only way I really get a rest is if I put something on for “rest time”
My 1 year old is the only one who actually sleeps and with my husbands weird schedule we often end up watching something before bed too while I’m trying to get everyone ready for bed or trying to get the little one down
I feel guilty at times but right now its the best I can do
I’m not really sure what my question is but I suppose I just want to know if this sounds reasonable to you or if you hAVE done this at times
Its really hard right now with my husband working late afternoons/nights
Also when do you start teaching your kids to use the computer?
None of my kids know how and my oldest is almost 7
Amy says
We have definitely had seasons of more screen time, and it has been difficult to wean them, but having a schedule to go back to helps. As for the computer, I have had kids as young as 4 knowing how to use it and others who really didn’t quite understand until more like 9 or 10. I don’t think you would have to introduce the computer until they are older – it tends to be a can of worms you cannot put the lid back on. You will also find your older ones influence the younger ones, so the youngers will learn to use a computer much younger.