This Sunday, I broke down in church. We are studying Lamentations Chapter 3, and I could identify all too well. (Read it – pretty weighty stuff.)
As I pull out of the first trimester, I find myself longing for normalcy, but knowing I’m just not there yet. I avoid Pinterest because it is full of food. I avoid my own kitchen because it is full of food. I can’t talk about certain foods and I can’t shop in certain areas of the grocery store.
Food is both my nemesis and my crutch.
As I said in an earlier update, nibbling all day long keeps the nausea at bay. In fact, before I go to bed at night, I grab a quick bite, turn on the fan, lay down, turn on some music, and go to sleep. All these things together make for a fairly restful night. (Some of my favorite sleeping music is David Nevue and Enya – if you order the CDs from Amazon, you get a FREE MP3 version as well so you can play them from your computer or other devices.)
I am trying really hard to be more peaceful about where I am in this pregnancy. One thing our pastor mentioned in his teachings from Sunday was that as Christians, we know our suffering is not forever. As a pregnant woman, I know I won’t feel like this forever. There will come a day when food will not be my nemesis. There will come a day when I will feel good enough to do all the things I haven’t been able to do over the past few months. Every day, I get stronger. Every day, I am one step closer. And I am thankful.