My wonderfully hilarious friend, Nony, is back again guest posting here on Raising Arrows with some encouragement for those of you who are struggling with keeping a neat and tidy home. I asked her to include a lot of links to her own blog, A Slob Comes Clean, so you can really dig deep into the baby steps she is taking to “deslob.” It is my prayer you will find hope and encouragement in her journey, as well as find ways to apply it to your own life!
I’m a slob. I’ve been a slob all of my life. When I was a teenager, and even as a college student, I laughed along with the friends who teased me about it. But when I became a mom . . . a full-time stay-at-home mom, and my slob-problem didn’t magically disappear like I had always assumed it would . . . it became a source of shame.
Give me a big project or an event to organize, and I’m in my element. But ring my doorbell without 48 hours notice . . . and I get heart palpitations.
I was completely baffled over how to keep my home from spiraling out of control. I’d try to change, but as soon as life happened (which it tends to do quite often), I’d suddenly look up to see clutter everywhere and with no idea when I last cleaned the toilets.
Two years ago, without telling anyone, I started a blog called A Slob Comes Clean. I was desperate to figure out why I am this way, and I had to find a way to keep my focus. It was my place to share my struggles with total honesty.
I didn’t realize in the beginning, but that’s what my deslobification journey has been about.
Honesty.
Honesty with myself. I have an amazing ability to come up with some doozies of excuses. Early on, though, I realized that my process had to not focus on the excuses themselves, but on the fact that they were . . . excuses. I wanted a clean house. Not the justification for a messy one. Excuses weren’t getting me anywhere.
Honesty with my family. Ironically, I think I grasped this concept because I didn’t tell them about my blog at first. I didn’t hold a family meeting and declare that everything was going to change around here . . . once and for all! I just started making changes, taking on all of the responsibility that truly did fall to me as the mother. The full-time home manager. I waited until the changes in our home began to speak for themselves before I spoke. Then, when I did speak, my words were true.
Honesty with the world. This was the hardest of all. The state of my home was my greatest source of shame and it kept me from being the real me. I couldn’t be hospitable, spontaneous, creative . . . anything that required a place to sit down or a place to work. I blogged anonymously, petrified that someone would find out my deep dark secret. It was almost a year before I shared with any but my closest friends and family.
I’ve been surprised at the effects of my ever-increasing honesty.
Being honest with myself has resulted in real change. By laying it all out, I was finally able to come up with ways to keep my house under control. Not allowing myself to pretend that I was someone I was not, or had time that didn’t actually exist, allowed me to part with truckloads of craft supplies, too-small clothes, and baking items that would be the envy of Paris chefs.
Being honest with my family allowed me to experience their love and support . . . and help. As long as I lived in denial about how bad my slob-problem was, I couldn’t experience their cheers, their willingness to pitch in, and their acceptance.
Being honest with the world has been the hardest, but perhaps the most rewarding. Turns out, most people aren’t perfect. And most people don’t like perfect people. I’ve been amazed (over and over) at how many people relate to my struggles. As I learned I was not alone, others have expressed relief to know that they were not alone. And even though it’s something I’m still working toward, bringing the put-together-in-public-who-would-guess-that-she’s-a-slob me and the I-have-struggles-but-so-does-everyone-else-so-let’s-support-each-other-as-we-work-to-change me together into the same person . . . is a relief.
Nony shares (with complete honesty) her personal deslobification journey at A Slob Comes Clean. She is a full-time mother of three who strives to make her home a reflection of herself and her family. Getting rid all of the stuff that they don’t need makes that much easier. Check out the methods she has developed to keep her home in order that work for her unique slob brain.
Missy says
This is a problem I struggle with also, I’m better then I used to be, but my house is still not as clean as I would like. Thank you for sharing!
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
I don’t know that my house will EVER be as clean as I would like, but isn’t it amazing what a difference even a little progress makes?
hsmominmo says
2 of my favorite bloggers, teaming up together – love it!
Nony, you are the greatest! The honesty thing really hit home here, especially the part about getting with the program yourself, before bringing (forcing) the family on board. Thanks so much!
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
Yay! It’s so fun to see which readers (and fabulous commenters) Amy and I have in common!
Emily Fay says
Wonderful advice and tips! Thanks for sharing!
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
Thanks, Emily!
Naomi says
Boy, I could have written the first part! I’m still working on overcoming, this post was just what I needed to read today, thank you so much!
Heather Kaspar says
Do you guys know me somehow?… Really?… It is AMAZING to me. I mean…THIS IS WHAT I NEED! I´m Nony, but on the Texas coast, minus 2 kids and a full-time AND part-time-ish job. THANK YOU!!
Nony…you better believe I´ll be following that blog :)!
-Heather
http://buckupbaby.blogspot.com
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
Heather, I’m always amazed at how many of “us” there are out there!
Molly` says
OH MY WORD…..that is me. 🙁 Well…it’s good to know there are others out there too. Can’t wait to sit in my messy kitchen/living room/bedroom/laundry dungeon, pretending I don’t see the mess and really let this soak in.
Hannah says
As a bona fide slob myself, THANK YOU! I just started Flylady on Monday and I’m already seeing progress. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that lives in terror of someone stopping by for a quick visit.
Nony (A Slob Comes Clean) says
Yes, knowing that I wasn’t the only one out there was incredibly helpful for me.
Amber says
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS!!! I am going back and starting the “Slob Journey” from the very beginning. I too tried Flylady and it just was NOT working for me. I have adopted a similar approach to my own house and while it feels like NOTHING is ever finished, I am honestly not nearly as stressed about my “dirty” house. Decluttering is KEY!
Michelle Landry says
THANK YOU for posting this!!
Alice says
Wow. I’m Nony too, only a UK version of Nony! 😉 Sitting surrounded by embarrassing measures of clutter, mess, and various layers of food on the kitchen floor, while my 5 little ones sleep upstairs. I feel I’ve been unable to conquer this battle for always. I can’t believe how much I can relate to this post – thank you so much for posting, and I will be reading the WHOLE of Nony’s blog to learn some wisdom and maybe actually change things around here! 🙂
kelli-AdventurezInChildRearing says
Love this article- left a comment and joined her blog! It makes me feel so much better to know that I’m not alone as well- I actually really do like things to be in their place- but I can’t seem to make that happen most of the time. I’m getting rid of stuff little at a time & getting better at dealing with the fact that I cannot “do it all”
Barbara says
Read this and popped over to the Blog. Oh Goodness, you have saved me! I have been a stay at home mom for 3 years and, like you have a messy house and have used every excuse, created new ones, and wore my messy house as a badge of shame. I feel so inspired and relieved right at this moment. I am still reading the blog from start and about half way through. But thank you for sharing, and BEING HONEST! You aren’t superwoman, most of us aren’t and sometimes reading blogs just make me feel even more shame. Yours does not. You are a blessing! Thank you