Posts in the series:
Preparing for Baby
The First Weeks
A New Routine
Helpers – Big & Small
Unexpected Circumstances
A new baby changes things. And that’s ok.
Some changes might be subtle, while others can be dramatic. This can also depend greatly on the personality of the new baby and how members of the family relate to the new little one.
There have been only two times in my life that adding a new baby has completely knocked me flat on my face: Baby #4 and Baby #7. Baby #4 came just 16 months after Baby #3 (something I had never experienced), and I quickly learned that all my routines had to change. Baby #7 was colicky and the tone of the household was greatly affected by that. (we’ll talk more about this in an upcoming post)
Frankly, every baby presents a new dynamic to the family and changes the routine of the household. So, before you try to jump back into “normal,” watch your life for a while to see where “normal” needs to change. For instance, Creed’s birth nearly 5 months ago didn’t change our normal much at all. He’s an easy-going baby, and we were pretty much able to pick up where we left off. However, Garin’s birth 2 1/2 years ago changed our daily schedule dramatically. He was only happy if he was nursing or being held by his older brother, who was 13 at the time. My oldest would do school while I nursed the baby and did what I could from the chair, then he would take over and I would work with the other children. We’d switch again, and I’d sit in the chair and we’d do read alouds and have history discussions, and then I’d nap with baby in my arms because sleep was hard to come by.
Those days looked nothing like the “normal” I was used to, but I had to let go of that normal and embrace the new routine. The sooner you let go of the ideal, the sooner you can find your new routine and be satisfied with it.
Work From Where You Are
I want to interject something real quick here…
A tightly woven schedule is rarely doable when homeschooling with a newborn.
In my book, Home Management for the Homeschool Mom, I talk about Scheduled versus Routine families, and how to tell which one you are, and then work with those natural tendencies to create a schedule that works for you. During those newborn days nearly EVERYONE would consider themselves a ROUTINE family rather than scheduled because of the changes and adaptations the family is undergoing. If you try to schedule out your day in 30 minute increments, you will be a crazy woman before the morning is over. {Notice the name of this post is A New ROUTINE?}
I give a lot more detail in the book, but the quickest way to get started figuring out your new routine, is to write down the routine you have already naturally fallen in to and work from there. So, if baby wakes up at approximately 7 am every morning and nurses, and then other children wake up, and breakfast gets started, and eventually school gets going, and then baby needs to eat again, and so on and so forth, you use that routine to build your new routine.
Relish those Newborn Days
I want to take a step back from all this scheduling talk and give you my heart. I used to race through my children’s baby days. I’m efficient to a fault, and I just wanted to get on with it already. As I’ve gotten older, and I’m by no means old mind you, I’ve begun to really slow down and savor tiny toes, fuzzy hair, and the beautiful chaos of babyhood. It’s gone before you know it.
More than Muddling
So often, new moms just muddle through. We are surviving moment to moment, and we hope and pray we survive it all. That doesn’t sound much like an abundant life, does it?
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
If ever there was a verse for moms homeschooling with a newborn, this would be it!
Come to Him! Stop trying to do and be it all and rest. It’s ok if you fall asleep in the middle of a read aloud. It’s ok if stop what you are doing to nurse the baby. It’s ok if you don’t follow all the lesson plans to a tee and don’t do everything the Teacher’s Manual says you have to do.
rest.
Go to Christ, take your children with you, and rest in His Holy Word. If you get nothing else done in those early weeks besides family devotions, the Lord will bless your faithfulness.
He loves you, and He did not give you this precious reward of a newborn baby in order to make your life difficult. He gave that baby to you to bless you. So, BE BLESSED!
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Posts in the series:
Preparing for Baby
The First Weeks
A New Routine
Helpers – Big & Small
Unexpected Circumstances
Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama says
The newborn days do go too fast.
Our fourth came 19 months after our third — God’s timing, not ours. (And His plan is always better!) I was watching my third grow into a little boy before my eyes and it was hard to see how fast it was happening. I didn’t want to miss a moment with my fourth. Thankfully he is generally an easy baby so I really WANT to be present with him most of the time, and not rush on ahead.
But then, when he was two months old, a friend of mine had her third baby stillborn. She is still grieving heavily (this was about a month ago) and she still talks about him almost everyday and posts new pictures of him. They took a LOT of pictures, so that at least she has those.
I look at this, and her grief…and I look at my baby and I’m just so thankful to have him! When he’s overtired and screaming I just think “I’d rather have a screaming baby, than not have my baby.” It’s given me a bit of a new perspective. I’m sure you’ve experienced the same, Amy, after losing Emily. (And for me it was only a friend’s baby…not my own!)
It really does go fast. Rock them, snuggle them, enjoy them. I can already feel how big my baby is compared to birth and see how much he is changing and I want the days to slow down. They won’t, so I try to stop at various points and really focus and “make memories” of each of the children. Life is too short not to really ENJOY it, even if it’s sometimes only a moment here or there amidst the chaos and busyness of daily life.
Amy says
Oh, Kate…I’m so sorry your friend lost her little one. It does give us tremendous perspective, indeed.
Leah Williams says
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who falls asleep while reading aloud. I must have a very soothing voice 😉
kelli says
Needed this series. Thank you.
Mary says
I love the quote from Matthew that you give – it is so pertinent to this time of life, as is your sage advice to ‘let go of the ideal’. In my experience that can only lead to more peace, acceptance and joy!
Emma says
Wow! That was beautiful and just for me, especially the “the more muddling section”. Thanks for sharing!
Leah McHan says
My third came 16 months after my second and she was 19 months old when our baby, my fourth, was born. So starting school this year has been kind of easy, since my baby is now 5 months old and my oldest is kindergarten age. But if God has more children planned for us, this will be a great help! This post was a blessing, since the whole baby stage goes way to fast. It puts things into perspective.
Larry says
Amy, thanks for this… my wife is at her wits end right trying to comfort a colicky baby, spending time with our toddlers, and homeschooling our oldest two children. Hopefully, this post can help her find a new routine for our family while I’m at work.
I was wondering if you could speak more on how you handled homeschooling and other responsibilities with a colicky baby? This has been a tough time for all of us, but for my wife it has been a very difficult time (she, too, is battling postpartum depression). Any advice you give would be helpful and appreciative. Thank you so much.
In Christ’s Love,
Larry
Lacey S says
Thank you for this post!! I know its an older one but I stumbled across it tonight and it was perfect timing. I have a 2 month old, a 3 year old and a 6 year old (1st grader). My husband has been home one day in 6 weeks, so on top of homeschooling and a newborn I’m doing the “solo parent” thing. I am with you in the phase of cherishing all the newborn-ness because I can see how incredible fast it disappears, but I also feel like there are 100 things I should be doing. Your reminder to be blessed is such an encouragement. I try to give myself permission to let things go and just make sure I’m getting the Word and devotions (and character training as opportunities arise) into our days, but sometimes getting the permission from somewhere else is very freeing! Thank you!!
P.S. I am loving the pictures you have shared of your newest blessing. She is such a doll! I have all boys so I just ooh and ahh over all things little girl when I see it! ha ha
Reggie says
Going from 1 child to 2 was the biggie for me! I remember having REALLY simple goals back then: get them both dressed, get them both fed…do it again…
Crystal says
Needed to read this
Wonderful advice and exactly what I hope my youngins and I can do as we get started soon. Our number four just arrived a few weeks ago and number 3 is 16 months. Crazy town