For the second time in our homeschooling career (13 years), we are faced with the prospect of putting 2 children who are close in age in the same grade level in certain subjects.
The “little boys” of our family are now 2, 4, & 6. The 4 year old will soon be 5, and is ready to start a more formal education. The 6 year old is beginning to read, but has trouble retaining anything mathematical. He just finished all his Rod & Staff books, and the 4 year old will be finished with his in a few weeks. So, as you can see, the two boys are neck and neck, and a decision about the upcoming school year needs to be made as soon as possible.
The reason I titled this post “Is it OK…” is because I hear from a lot of parents who are worried that putting their children in the same grade level will come back to bite them in the way of creating a competition that hinders rather than helps the children. So, I thought it might be helpful to explain how we manage this situation.
Some Subjects Shouldn’t Be Combined
I want to start by saying there are certain subjects that don’t work well with two children in the same level at the same time. Here are the ones I would never choose to put two children in at the same time:
1. Reading/Phonics – I am a firm believer that teaching a child to read is a very personal thing. It requires a lot of patience and a lot of one-on-one. It should be a no-pressure environment. Putting two children in the same reading level automatically creates pressure. You will more than likely end up with one child reading very well and one child afraid to try. You will also find that one child will answer all the questions and say all the sounds before the other child, leaving the second child with a very inadequate knowledge of letter sounds and reading mechanics. I purposely only teach one child to read at a time. (Here is a review of the program we use.)
2. Speech Therapy – Even if you have 2 children needing speech therapy, it is likely their difficulties lie in two different aspects of speech pathology. You will not be saving time and energy trying to correct both speech issues at the same time, and you WILL frustrate both of the children, and quite possibly make them feel completely inept which tends to be counter-productive, leading them to not even try to form the sounds correctly. I tried putting two children in the same at-home speech therapy program. It was a horrible experience. Learn from my mistake.
3. Anything that is considered “remedial” or “treatment” related – What I mean by this can be seen in my comments about Speech Therapy. If you have a child who needs help in a subject, putting another child who is likely to surpass them or “do better” in some aspect of the program not a good idea. Respect the individuality of your children and let them learn at their own pace.
Some Subjects Work Very Well for Learning Together
There are some subjects that naturally work well for combining varying ages. This is not an exhaustive list, but a couple that I see as very easy to combine.
1. History – As I mentioned in my post about Tapestry of Grace, we are easily able to span the ages, and simply present the material at their level. History does not need to be separated into grade levels and does not need to be taught chronologically until upper grades.
2. Lower-level Science – Science can easily be taught together in the lower grades. There is no need for tests at this age, and you can enjoy nature studies, experiments, and readings from science together without anyone feeling they are “behind.”
How to Teach 2 Children at the Same Level
Avoid using the term “Grade Level” – Government schools put children in grades as a way to make the masses more manageable. You do not need to do this at home (except maybe on paper when reporting to the state or some other such entity).
Government school grade levels contain a lot of “crossover” in what they teach, especially in the younger grades. Typically, the first 30 some lessons in any workbook-type subject (i.e. math, handwriting, grammar) will be a “refresher” of the previous year’s lessons. There will also be repetition throughout the school year because the more you review a subject, the better you get to know it. So, something learned in 2nd grade will be reiterated in 3rd grade, and so on. Grade levels aren’t magical things that will wreck you if not done properly. Be wise about it and you’ll be fine.
I know many homeschool books still use grade levels to separate each workbook (although quite a few have caught on to the fact that this isn’t necessary), but that doesn’t mean you have to call attention to the grade levels. In fact, feel free to be candid with your children about why schools use grade levels and why your school does not need them.
Teach to the Individual – If within the class there are questions to be answered, workbooks to be written in, and tests to be taken, be sure to give equal amounts of time and energy to each child. When I taught Grammar together a few years ago, I gave one child all the even questions and the other all the odd questions. I separated them to different areas when they took tests, and I did not grade their work (or return their work) in front of each other. I wanted each child to master the subject without relying on their sibling to do the work for them.
Make it a “Matter of Fact” – We spend entirely too much time analyzing the psychological consequences of everything (remember my post on sibling rivalry?) We say things out loud that end up hurting rather than helping. If we address putting 2 children in the same grade level, it doesn’t need to be a big to-do. Just make it matter of fact. This year, Johnny and Jimmy are going to be doing Math together!
Make it fun! – Your attitude is going to be 9/10 of how your children see this combining of grades. Theoretically, you are gaining time and energy by putting the kids together – show that enthusiasm and use it to share a snack, a special time together, or plan a themed party!
Give everyone their own materials – If at all possible, make sure each child has his or her own materials for the class so you don’t have to worry about sharing. In the case of a shared text with corresponding workbooks, just make sure they have their own workbook and enough manipulatives or accessories to not have to wait on the other child to get their work done.
Do individualized subjects first, then do combined – Combined subjects often take longer than the individual ones. Because of this, it will probably be better if you let them do their single subjects, and then move to the combined ones. This isn’t a rule, but it is what we’ve found to work best.
Be flexible – Your children are not cookie-cutters, and not everything works out perfectly. You may find combining your children simply does not work. Give it a couple of week, or even a month, but if you find it is a disaster, rethink the plan. You may need to hold off teaching one of the children until the next year, or teach the same subject to each of the children at a different time of day, or even change curriculum to make it work better. Don’t make homeschooling a bunch of “have-to” rules – everyone will be miserable. Enjoy the journey and enjoy your children!
Have you combined children into one grade level? Tell us about it!
stephanie says
I would love to know what you’ve used for speech therapy at home. We are in the process of trying to get my son evaluated for speech. I would love to be able to do it at home.
Dana says
I would love to hear more on this topic, too, Amy. I have one child that I know could use some extra help in this area, but I don’t know how to start.
Nikki says
I was wondering the same thing. We have dealt with speech issues for years but never met anyone else who has dealt with them at home. What do you do Amy? Have you noticed improvement? Please do share!
Amy says
Hmmm….thinking I may need to write an updated post on this topic! I started with Speechercize (and thought this would be a great thing to do together), but I quickly realized I needed to be more focused with each of them. My older child ended up outgrowing her speech issues, but my younger child needed more to overcome his. I used a book my mom was told to use with my brother nearly 50 years ago! It was called Talking Time. I ordered an old beat up copy from Amazon, and we started working on the specific mechanics he was struggling with.
Amy says
Sorry to be copying and pasting, but here’s what we did…I started with Speechercize (and thought this would be a great thing to do together), but I quickly realized I needed to be more focused with each of them. My older child ended up outgrowing her speech issues, but my younger child needed more to overcome his. I used a book my mom was told to use with my brother nearly 50 years ago! It was called Talking Time. I ordered an old beat up copy from Amazon, and we started working on the specific mechanics he was struggling with.
Amy says
I started with Speechercize (and thought this would be a great thing to do together), but I quickly realized I needed to be more focused with each of them. My older child ended up outgrowing her speech issues, but my younger child needed more to overcome his. I used a book my mom was told to use with my brother nearly 50 years ago! It was called Talking Time. I ordered an old beat up copy from Amazon, and we started working on the specific mechanics he was struggling with.
Julie says
Just curious – what speech therapy program do you use with the kids?
Amy says
I started with Speechercize (and thought this would be a great thing to do together), but I quickly realized I needed to be more focused with each of them. My older child ended up outgrowing her speech issues, but my younger child needed more to overcome his. I used a book my mom was told to use with my brother nearly 50 years ago! It was called Talking Time. I ordered an old beat up copy from Amazon, and we started working on the specific mechanics he was struggling with.
Julie says
Thanks so much for your response! I will check that out.
Angela says
Thank you for writing this, gives me a bit to think over. I will be officially starting home schooling this year as our eldest is now 5. Our problem is that his brother is only 13 months younger and they do everything else together, and I can easily see the younger surpassing the older in some things very soon. Pre-school type things we have done off and on sometimes took multiple reviews to understand for the older, where as the younger is now breezing through 3-4 ‘lessons’ at a time. My problem and its me, not the boys, is that I see how easy it is for the 4yr old and get easily fustrated with the 5yr old for not ‘getting it’. I will have to work extra hard not to compare them in anything we do combine.
alexandra says
So I didn’t read this whole thing, because I stopped at speech therapy. My five year old definitely has some speech problems; mostly any s blend and l. I haven’t put him in speech mostly because of finances and time; he also doesn’t mind and people can still understand him. I still notice he is behid though. What did you use for at home speech therapy? I am not up for committing to another afternoon outside of the house. Thank you in advanced.
-Alexandra
Ok now I will finish reading
Amy says
I started with Speechercize (and thought this would be a great thing to do together), but I quickly realized I needed to be more focused with each of them. My older child ended up outgrowing her speech issues, but my younger child needed more to overcome his. I used a book my mom was told to use with my brother nearly 50 years ago! It was called Talking Time. I ordered an old beat up copy from Amazon, and we started working on the specific mechanics he was struggling with. My current almost 5 year old has the same s blend issues you are talking about with yours, and this is where I will start with him.
Natalie says
I had been planning on starting my 5 yr old with Sonlight Core A this year, but decided to wait until next year when my older two are 5 & 6 (rather than 4 & 5). I’m still going to use Language Arts-K with the five year old, and was thinking about letting the 4 yr old sit in on it, but not give him any assignments. I plan to combine them for history and science in the early years like you suggested. I got them separate level workbooks for math and handwriting.
Dana says
This will definitely be something for us to consider as our children are 21 months, 16 months, and 20 months apart. The oldest (5), is starting kindergarten work, and we are using Heart of Dakota. For history and story time, the oldest 3 and I snuggle in a chair to read. I include anyone who wants to for the action rhymes (which was teaching geography this week) and games. Since my oldest is really social, it seems to be fun for her (and all of us, really) to do some things together. I’m letting my 2nd child listen if she likes while I work on reading with the oldest. When the oldest has workbook work to do, the others like to work on their books – coloring for the 2-year-old and Rod and Staff for the 3-year-old. I’m doing preschool with the middle two this year, and the 5-year-old still loves these lessons that are more games and dramatic play, so she does that with the others. We have just 4 days of kindergarten under our belts now, so I still have so much to figure out!
Heidi says
A good reminder. I have combined my children for History all along. I just give them different supplementals based on age. I have also combined Science and other subjects depending on where they are. I have combined kids even when I consider one of them remedial. I have one learning it, and the other I say is reviewing. I also point out to them their different strengths, explaining also all they have to do is their best. So far this has worked, to eliminate the competitive angle.
I have one who is finished, another we plan to finish with this year, then I have one I still consider junior high and one closer to mid-elementary, one I’m just starting, and one 18 months. The piece that really made me think was teaching 2 to read at the same time. I’m currently pregnant with twins and hadn’t of course thought out this aspect of having twins yet. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it, but it will require some thinking over the next few years. Thank you for the reminders and new thoughts.
Karla says
Last year was my first “official” year doing first grade with my daughter (6/7). We used Heart of Dakota, and I tried to include her brother (4/5) in much of what I did. Aside from just his age, he is also very rambunctious and finds it hard to focus, so even though I didn’t make him do the exact same things as his sister (say, math workbooks), it became a struggle forcing him to “do school.”
I start up again this month and will take the same approach. I will include him in Bible, some history, science experiments, art projects, story time… but will let him continue to build his LEGOS or do what interests him rather than have him sit and do workbooks.
Allison says
Thank you so much, I needed to see this! My two are 14.5 months apart, boy/girl. I’m starting informal, 3 day a week preschool with my son in a couple weeks but one thing that DH and I have tossed back and forth almost since our daughter’s birth is keeping them in the same “grade” especially given the birth order of boy girl. If they stay on the “typical” track where he may be a bit behind and she may be a bit ahead, DH felt it made the most sense to just keep them together wherever possible to save myself the stress. It’s just been hard trying to find anyone who has done this or had advice on the best way to go about it. I’ll definitely be keeping all this in mine for the future!
Lindsay says
I thought this was common and normal. We only have one child, with one on the way, but we plan on combining classes when possible. Our son is 4 but has severe learning disabilities due to his autism, so we are holding off school in favor of more practical lessons right now- how to speak in a way we can understand, how to use the toilet, how to use a fork, etc. I figure by the time baby is old enough to start school, big brother will be ready too. (He will probably be reading, but I don’t plan on teaching that In a traditional way, because it won’t work for him.)
Amy says
I wish it was normal for moms to do this! Unfortunately, I see so many homeschool moms knocking themselves out trying to teach tons of lessons separately because they have grown up with the public school model and don’t realize they CAN put them in the same classes!
Michelle @ My Blessed Home says
Excellent, common sense advice. I like your point about over analyzing. I admit I am guilty I that sometimes, and it’s reassuring to hear. 🙂
Tabitha says
This is encouraging to me. My oldest boys are 16 months apart and I have taught them together since kindergarten. Because of their birthdays, the one is on the youngest end of the normal age spectrum and the other on the oldest end. This year they are 7 & 8 doing mostly second grade level work (some above, nothing remedial). As close as they are, being able to work and learn together–having a classmate–has really gone well for us. I have decided to re-evaluate grade levels in middle school and approaching high school once credits become the goal.