I’ve talked at length here on Raising Arrows about being purposeful in your child rearing and homeschooling, especially when it comes to eliminating things that do not fit with your goals. Here are just a few of those posts:
Homeschooling with Purpose Series
Family First Activities
They Are Not My Slaves
Seeking Out Godly Friendships for Your Children
However, something I’ve observed in the conservative homeschooling world (my own life included) is a desire to “pull away” with nothing to offer in the place of that which we are pulling away from. I think that is why the book Jumping Ship struck such a chord with me. I didn’t want my children to view their growing up years as a string of “No’s.” (you can read my review of Jumping Ship here: Favorite Convention Buy 2009)
Granted, there are times when “No” should suffice, but if all we ever say is “No” to our children, eventually they will grow weary and seek out a place where they are not just loved, but liked. We have to be just as purposeful about our ADDING IN as we are about our WEEDING OUT.
For instance:
You took away the TV. Now what? Is that just it?
No!
You have to purposefully ADD IN things like
- game nights
- walks
- read-alouds
Otherwise you’ve just weeded out and left a hole where the weeds once were.
We are new creations!
Of all the people out there, we should be the most fulfilled!
We should be the ones who are truly LIVING life!
We should be the ones who stand out, stand up, and shine bright!
Stop seeing worldliness as something you
weed out.
See it as something you
REPLACE.
Rebecca says
Such a good reminder. Sometimes I struggle with this because it takes effort and planning on my part, and I’m a mom, and I get tired. 🙂 But when I do take the time its’ SO worth it!
Celee says
The Lord has truly changed my desires. There would have been a time when “giving up” television would have seemed like just that- giving something up. I think the replacing part came first for me- then I just didn’t have time for television anymore. I’m not trying to keep my kids too busy for tv for the sake of being busy, but like you said filling their lives with things better than tv.
Thanks for the encouragement to keep on keeping on. Counter cultural is good : ).
Celee
The Momma @ The Straightened Path says
This is wonderful and very helpful to me at this time in my life! Thank you!!! I would love to see another post about some suggestions for activities to use as a replacement and maybe what they are replacing.
Mrs. Mary Joy Pershing @Learning to Live a Surrendered Life says
Excellent post, Amy. Thank you for sharing this. We are really working on finding special things to fill the “holes” that have been left as we weed out the worldliness in our family life…especially now in the month of October.
Thank you for confirming what we were feeling led to do!
Blessings!
Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
Christy dR says
Yes!Really, your children aren’t missing much on that TV, they’ll have a much richer life without it. We aren’t totally TV free because we still use it for DVDs and such. And sometimes there are things worth watching.
April says
Thank you! That is how I was raised–just a bunch of no’s–with no replacements and no explaining the why behind it. All four of us kids rebelled when we left home. I want to do it differently with my kids!
Shannon@Chickens in My Kitchen says
This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I grew up with a lot of “no”, but nothing to replace it. Now, with my own children, when we think about the “no”, we work hard to find things to replace it. But it IS hard work. Sometimes it seems like all the replacements are expensive or involve special food. Yikes.
Alana says
But what a lot of nice memories for your kids! 😀
Teresa says
I once heard a speaker say when you remove something you have to fill it with something, or the weeds will creep in. I have found this to be to true. I think I am doing the right thing by removing something from our life and then we simply fill it with something that is not any better for lack of my planning.
It’s like this, if a baby has something they should not have, rather than just taking it away and replacing it with nothing try giving them something they can have. It fills the void and distracts as well as replaces the item as needed.
Ginger says
Amen and amen! This is why I LOVE hearing my kids say: I love our family! Our family is so much fun!
If we aren’t having fun, what kind of model of Christianity are we showing our kids? A strict and boring life?
Although our extended families think we’re nuts for being so “non-conformist”, they always seem pleasantly surprised by the fun personality of our family. I want people to look at that crazy lady with all the kids and think: They sure do seem to enjoy each other. How fun!
Amy says
LOL – We had a lady stop us in the store one time and say, “You guys sure look like you’re having fun!”
Dana says
I loved this post. I haven’t been parenting long enough to have applied this to our children yet, but I definitely did this intentionally when I started working. I actually didn’t get a TV (and didn’t have a computer for a few years either) for the purpose of motivating myself to go out and experience the town I was living in. I had great times enjoying restaurants, going to musicals and plays, exploring new places, building relationships with great friends, and going on long prayer walks/jogs. That season of life was very special and so much FUN!
abba12 says
THIS! I know a number of people who were raised with morals who rebelled as they reached adulthood, and in many cases this is exactly why. Their lives had become holes of nothing, with so many things they couldn’t do or be or say and little persuance of the things they could.
Alana says
Amy, I LOVE your last two photos! 😀
Alana says
Amy, you said “We have to be just as purposeful about our ADDING IN as we are about our WEEDING OUT.” Now I’ve got a beautiful picture in my head of a little garden of flowers. Where there were once weeds, there are now many unique flowers booming. 😀
Lisa J. says
Great thought! 🙂
Jenny says
Creating family moments where our children love being together is so important! At our church we have a fellowship meal and our sons will beg my husband to sit with them and the other boys from church. It is such a blessing when your children, rather than wanting to get away from the family, love to be with their family. I remember family bike rides around the lake when I was girl. It’s the little things that take root, isn’t it?
Reggie says
Amen! What you described (the weeding out but leaving holes) is how my mother raised us. I never quite knew how to describe it before but you’ve worded it perfectly. While I know my mother did the best she could, with little to no example to follow, it simply wasn’t enough to just weed out the worldliness. It must be replaced with something.